Lizzie F.

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So much for posting after my PATS!!

Here I am, 24 hours away from surgery.  I'm happy and sad at the same time, but I know it's normal.  I just spent the most amazing week in Jamaica with my husband, and I'm soooo thankful for the time away.  We've never taken a vacation together, and it was a nice reminder of why we love each other.

However, the whole time I had the surgery looming over me, and now I just want it over with.  The countdown is painfull!!

Anyhow, I can't seem to put together coherant thoughts right now, so I'll sign off.  Here we go!!

Wow, I've been a slacker lately with my blog.  I'll blame it on the INSANITY of summer in my house.  Soccer, and BBQ's and going away.......I'm almost glad for the routine that back-to-school brings.

Anyways, since my last post I have my date for surgery!!!!  September 18th is when the rest of my life begins.  I can't believe it's almost here.  My husband and I are going to Jamaica for a friends wedding from Sept.8-15, and with back to school next week, time is really going to fly!!  I have my PAT's on Sept.5th at 7:30am.  I'm finding it hard to find someone to go with though.....maybe I'll drag my husband with me.

I'm still wrapping my brain around the fact that I won't be able to pig out anymore.  There's always been a comfort for me in eating.  It makes the bad things go away, and now I won't have that coping mechanism anymore.  I'm ready for it though, but it will definately be hard at first.  I'm a bit afraid of taking care of myself properly too.  With the kids, my life is a bit hectic, so I'm worried about getting in all my protein, and remembering to take my vitamins.  I guess it's all part of aking myself a priority which I haven't done for a long time.

I'll post again after my PATS!!!!!

Still waiting for a date.

I've had my EKG that Dr.Kam requested and faxed the results to Barix.  Now I'm playing the waiting game..........AGAIN.  
I know he's in surgery on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, which means I might not get clearance from him until Thursday.  

Deep breaths Lizzie.  Everything happens for a reason.

My new OH friend Tabetha is in surgery right now with Dr.Kam, so I'm a little anxious for her.  But very excited!!  Somehow, the fact that she is in surgery, makes it more real for me.  Is that weird?
I'm going to Barix on Thursday with my friend Irene as she has her consult with Dr.Kam.  I met her through my sister; they work together.  My sister told her I was having the surgery, so we chatted about it and we talked almost everyday since.  We are SO much alike, it's kind of scary!!  I have met some amazing people lately because of this, and I'm just so thankful.  If it wasn't for this surgery, we likely never would have met.

I feel so blessed that I live in this country, that I've found OH, and that all my friends and family are being supportive.
I haven't told my kids yet though.  I don't really know what to say to them.  They are 8, 6 and 2.  I know the 2 year old won't understand but the other two will.  I'm not sure if I should be totally honest with them, or just tell them the Disney version of the story.  I'll have to figure that out soon!

I hate depression!!!!

I am in one of my down periods and it's my own damned fault.  I was on vacation all last week and didn't take my meds.  I have no one to blame but myself!!  It just makes my question why I'm bothering to do this operation anyway.  I know it's just the depression talking and I'll feel better one my meds kick back in.

Somebody smack me for not taking them!!!

If anyone has been wondering where I am or if I've fallen off the face of the earth.

WOO HOO!!!  OHIP Approval!

Well, all my worrying was for nothing.  Purolater arrived today with my approval letter!!  What annoys me is that it was dated for July 12th, only 3 days after I sent my forms in, and my doctor never called me!  I know it was faxed to his office, and they didn't call to tell me they received it.  It's no big deal now, what's important is that I got it!

So, I guess this is really happening now.  I keep waiting for the process to be harder, or to come accross stumbling blocks, but everything has been so smooth, it's freaking me out.  It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But, I'm not going to do this to myself.  Think positive thoughts, and positive things will happen!!

I have my consult at Barix on Monday, July 23 and my little sister is coming down with me.  I'm lucky, my family and friends have been VERY supportive of my decision.  It really does make this easier.

Well, that's it for me today.  Once again, I feel so blessed to have found this place and these people.  I truely feel that this would not be possible without all my new friends and supporters!!!

Kisses and hugs to everyone!
Lizzie

I am sooooooo impatient!!!

I'm going to start this post by apologizing to all those who had to wait weeks and weeks to hear from OHIP, as I am about to sound like a big baby!

I realize that it's only been a week since I faxed my application to OHIP, but a few people have had such quick turnaround times, that I was really expecting to have heard something by now.  One lady faxed hers the day after I did and she heard 3 days later.  I have called my doctor's office to see if they've heard anything, but on one has called me back.
It's so frustrating!  I know that this is just a little blip in their day, but it's my whole life right now.  I have my consult at Barix in a week and I was hoping my approval would come through before then.  Here's hoping to that.

I have a coffee date scheduled with a fellow OH'er and now I have to cancel that due to some banking shit.  I have to go with my husband to Oakville to sign some papers.  Annoying!!

I sure am foul today.  Crossing my fingers that I'll hear something soon.

Man it''s hot today.  With any luck, at this time next year I will feel comfortable wearing tank tops and shorts.  Until then, I'm super hot in my jean capris and 3/4 length top.

I spent the weekend not doing much of anything.  Wallowing in self pity.  Like many other overweight people, I have depression and have been in treatment for about 6 years.  Depression pretty much sucks the life right out of you.  When I get "down"  I don't want to talk to anyone, or do anything.  I just want to hide under my covers in bed until the world goes away.   Any of you with children know that it's very difficult to hide when there are little ones demanding your attention.  
I am very grateful to have my children.  I often think that they are the only thing that keeps me from slipping over the edge into oblivion.  I want to be the best mother I can for them.  I want them to remember their childhood as happy and fulfilling.  Not and easy task with an overweight mother who is often depressed.

All I can think about lately is the surgery.  I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate at work (which is where I am right now).  
I'm trying to focus on the positive, and be happy in the moment, but it sure is hard.  I never thought trying to be happy would be this hard.

Lizzie

I love my doctor.  I really do.  But I am so frustrated right now!!! 
I went down to his office to pick up my OOC forms and a letter that he wrote to OHIP.  So, I was walking back to my car with the forms, and I realized that HE DIDN'T SIGN THEM.  Grrrrrrrrrr.  So I went back into his office and his receptionist tells me that he left for the weeken around noon!!!!

I know it is such a small setback, but I was so excited to fax them off today and now it won't happen until next week.  I guess I'll just have to live with it.

On a completely different note, thanks to a great website posted by an OHer, I re-sized my picture and now I have an avatar!!!  Not the best pic of me, but it's the only one I have on my work computer!!

Well, I figured I should start filling out my profile so people can get to know me a little better.  I still can't figure out how to post my avatar though, which is really frustrating.  It says the pic should only be 100 by 100 pixels, but I can't find anything that small, even when I crop it.

Anyway, I saw my family doctor on Wednesday and spoke to him about the surgery and he was very supportive.  He agreed that the surgery is the best choice for me and agreed to sign all my paperwork!!!!  He checked the death and tissue damage boxes as well!!

So, I'm heading down to the office right now to pick up the signed paperwork and fax it into OHIP for approval.

Everyone cross your fingers for me!!