A few more weeks 2 go ... And I started thinking...

Oct 14, 2009

OK, Not that I am having second thoughts or anything but it occurred to me that after November 9, 2009 my life will be forever changed. I have always dreamed of getting things together and finally loosing weight, but today (and yesterday) I have been thinking about "WHEN" I loose the weight, and I am running scared. 

I have never been this close to an opportunity like this were if I do what I am supposed to and really follow things to the letter, being thin/healthy will no longer be a goal that I can't attain. I have used my weight as my excuse on why I can't do (and don't do) a lot of things. Almost like its my armor of protection my own personal wall that I have hid behind for years. I  mean I haven't dated or even thought about dating in over 5 years not to mention going out dancing, or really letting go and enjoying myself in ages. What will I have now as my escape goat. I am afraid of letting her go, she has protected me for so long from everything from being hurt by men, my reasons for not getting this job or promotion. For the first time I will be vulnerable so to speak and that is something that I have never allowed... I hope this makes sense. I just don't know how to say goodbye...

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