lrg2008
6 Months
Jan 29, 2009
I am 6 months, 1 week post-op and physically I couldn't be doing any better. I've lost 98 pounds and only have 27 more to get to my personal goal. I haven't measured in about a month, but the last time I checked I had lost around 72 inches. That's 6 feet!!! I've basically lost a teenage girl:) When I think of it like that I am still awed and shocked. I couldn't pick up a 13 year old and carry her around all day. It amazes me what we can put our bodies thru and still make it out alive.....On a personal note, I've been away from the board for a few weeks again getting ready to move to Colorado because Trevor and I were working things out. Just to make a long story short so I can preserve what dignity and self-respect I happen to have left for myself, Trevor has changed his mind again. For the THIRD time, I have been told how sorry he is and he loves me in a way that he wants me to be okay. But other than that, he has nothing for me. I understand that people's feelings change, and that's fine. But I'm furious at him for allowing me to believe that he sincerely wanted to try to work things out. I've made peace with this twice already and he just keeps jerking the rug back out from under me. He was going to let me uproot our son out of a school that took him a long time to get comfortable with and move us both to a place where we know absolutely noone. He told me in these basic words that he mainly wanted to try to work things out with me so he could have Griffin in the capacity that he would like. Meaning I could come be his roommate and housewife while he plays funtime Daddy. I don't effin think so!!!!!!!
So, I am embarrassed, ashamed that I believed him, and feel basically like a big idiot. But I will never ever regret giving him the chances I did because I will be able to honestly tell my son one day that I did everything in my power to keep our family.
With that being said, I've had enough. He has killed anything I had inside of me for him. I don't know who this hateful person is living in the shell of the man I loved, but it is not my Trevor. I've made peace with the fact that I am in love with someone that doesn't exist anymore, and it is time for me to move on. I started attending a divorce support group at a local church last night. It will last for 13 weeks which ironically will conclude as my divorce is being finalized. Which, also ironically, will fall right around our 8th anniversary.
I can honestly say that I know for the first time in my life that I deserve better than this crap. And I'm not gonna run right out to the bars and start drinking and jumping into bed with whoever will give me an ounce of attention. I'm a good person, a good mom, I have a lot of good friends and family that care about me. I'D RATHER BE BY MY DAMN SELF THEN BE SOMEONE'S ROOMMATE AND HOUSEMAID!!!!! I LIKE MY OWN ASS ENOUGH THAT I DON'T NEED A MAN OR ANYONE ELSE TO FULFILL ME AND MAKE ME WHOLE!!!!!
I'm screaming it from the rooftop. I like myself. I'm pretty effin awesome and by gosh people like me:)
What a difference 6 months make huh?? It's been quite the roller coaster for me, but the sun is coming back out for me. I just turned 31. I'm still a baby in the grand scheme of things and I've got a lot of life still to live. I feel good, I look good, things can only get better from here.
Love always and best wishes to you all,
Lisa G.
PS I'll have Griffin take some updated headless pics tonight and post them:) I actually hope he can get my head because I got a new sassy haircut I'm dying to show off. I started feeling a little Britney-esque so I made the decision to let a professional do the cutting. I'm very pleased with my new look..
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About Me
TX
Location
40.3
BMI
Surgery
07/22/2008
Surgery Date
Surgeon
May 10, 2008
Member Since
