Lyndsay1031
One year ago today.........
Mar 09, 2010
Well, it's official! I'm a year old today!!!! This exact time last year, I was sitting outside the OR looking in and feeling like my heart could jump out of my chest. But I've made it!!! I'm sorry I don't have pictures, yet.....I'm waiting on my photographer cousin to set up a date and time.......and get hair and makeup in line....lol. But I promise I will have new pics very soon!!!!I can't believe it's already been a whole year. There's lots of things that have happened that I was prepared for and got lots of support on..............but there were a couple of things that happened to me that no one could have seen coming........not even me.
I thought I would be so happy and excited when all the compliments started rolling in. It didn't take long after the surgery for people to start complimenting me. But it was all people who knew I had the surgery. So their compliments didn't count. (silly, yes)........I work in the corporate office for a large bank, and there's hundreds of people who work here. So I thought I would be excited and happy when the compliments from those who didn't know me or know I had surgery to notice I'm losing weight. Well............it didn't take long for those compliments to start rolling in, either. People I had never met before would come up to me and say "Wow, you're losing a lot of weight!!! How are you doing it??" And while at first.....it was exhilirating......I felt so confident. But it wasn't long......before it all just got old. I still didn't feel like I was losing anything.........even though I'm dangerously close to the 150 lbs lost mark......I'm still (in my mind) almost 400 lbs. I go to stores and try on clothes.....and I can wear a 24 comfortably.......for some reason I can't convince myself that I am actually smaller................I am SURE that there is just something wrong with these clothes (they just run a lot bigger). I get really annoyed when something suddenly doesn't fit anymore because it's too big. Everyone's like "Well.....that's good, right??".............And I say "Uh....no! Not when you're broke and can't afford new clothes!!!" It's almost as annoying as something being too small. Even bying pants 3 months ago that were a little on the tight side........suddenly are too big.............Even that doesn't convince me. They just stretched out.
Everyone is laughing at me and saying I'm being silly when I say things like "I feel like a whale today".........I'm not joking when I say that. I honestly still feel HUGE. And you want to know the grossest thing???? I'm more skin now than I am fat. Which I am very much looking forward to having cut off.............but god knows when that will be. God damn insurance companies. I don't even want to go into that.
Is there something seriously wrong with me? Why can't I convince myself that people are telling the truth when they say they see a difference? Even when they didn't know I had surgery. I just can't figure it out. Why do I have to be so critical of myself???
I'm not all doom and gloom, though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do feel much better than I did a year ago. I can run up steps now without feeling like my lungs are going to break. I can walk for a lot longer than I used to......I can even wear heels now! I'm really looking forward to the summer. I just hope I can get the mental energy to do all the things I so badly want to do........I know I have the physical energy!!!!
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About Me
Loveland, OH
Location
32.0
BMI
Surgery
03/10/2009
Surgery Date
Feb 17, 2009
Member Since
