mclaprade1015

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A week ago at this time I was in surgery.  I posted a post the night before about being at peace with my decision, not sure what I would be feeling a week later.  Well, here it is a week later and, I am sore, though not as sore as I was a few days ago, I miss food; I am not hungry but it has been 3 weeks since I really ate anything and I truly just miss it, I miss sleeping in bed with my husband, and I am struggling figuring out what my pouch is trying to tell me when.  Yet, I am still at peace with this surgery.  The unfounded fears I had about the surgery of course did not come true.  I think as a whole I have done well.  I came home on Wed after surgery on Mon.  I am not drinking enough protein, but am getting plenty of fluids in.  I am able to move around pretty well, and am taking a short run to the grocery store with my daughter this morning.  The gas has subsided quite a bit.  And, I was able to shave my legs and blow dry my hair this morning, though I felt a little tired after.  So, I do not know what happens from here.  I only know I keep doing what I have been instructed, and pray that it all pays off.  So, yes, I am still peaceful, and, I will add to that, hopeful, that this truly will change my life for good.  I know it will not change my circumstances, or make all my problems go away, but so much will change because of it.  I do want to keep my eyes open, though, as reality states that not all the changes could be good.  But many will, and for  those, I am hopeful.

Well, my journey has officially begun, again.  I went to the surgeon's for an information meeting today.  I must say I am really starting to wonder if the band is the right route for me.  The RNY also has features that I am drawn to.  I know some people my size have lost a large amount of weight with the band and kept it off, but, let's face it, not a large number.  I am just glad this is not a decision I have to make today.  I am waiting to hear from the surgeon's office to get my first appointment with the physician's assistant and the nutrionist.  Then, I have at the very least, 6 months to wait for surgery, as I have to meet with the nutritionist for 6 months to qualify for my insurance.  The one thing I am sure of, is that I want WLS. This is something I can do, no matter which path I take to accomplish it!

Well, I go July 14 to the surgeon's office for their information meeting.  I also received my referral from my PCP today.  So, I guess the process has begun.  The surgeon's office said my insurance usually makes you meet with the nutritionist for 6 months.  We will see. 

 It is funny how when you make  a decision like this, you see everything thru a new lense.  I was having people over on Saturday, and needed the house cleaned, you know how we women are, but, at almost 400 lbs, was unable to do it myself.  My daughters were helping me, they are the usual house cleaners anymore, but fussing about having to do it. I just started crying and telling them that I know I should be doing it.  I am usually not that transparent about my weight and how I feel like I do not measure up because of it.  Now that I am taking the steps for WLS, I am able to do that.  I have looked at my swollen feet this weekend and thought, in a year this won't be  a problem.  We went to a friends house this afternoon,and had to walk up a hill and then up some steps to get there.  As I was out of breath half way up, I looked at my husband and said, give me a year.  Maybe it is just because I feel there is hope now.  I am not sure.  I just know that I now look at my weight differently.  I now feel like there is something out there that can help me.  And yes, I know it is just a tool.  Or, at least, I know that is what many of you have said.  I don't think I will totally understand that until I am there.  I know I must do my part.  But, it seems that, unlike the many diets I have tried over the years, this one may really, really work.  I am sure some of that comes from reading other people's amazing posts. Even the ones who fall off the wagon, or gain some weight back, I look at them and I think, yes, but you are so much better off still than where you started.  So, I guess it is hope that I am feeling, and relief that I don't have to live like this forever.  That change can happen, and I can be healthy!

1. I never want someone else to have to put my socks on me.
2. I never want to worry about sitting in an airplane seat, or a theatre seat, or a auditorium seat, or a plastic outside seat.
3. I  never want to climb another set of stairs and be out of breath.
4. I never want to not have the energy to go somewhere, or just do something around me house.
5. I never want to not be able to go to an amusement park, or anywhere else with my family because I can't do all of the walking.
6. I never want to hear someone say, "She has such a pretty face."
7. I never want to know people are looking at me, or hear some innocent child say, "Mommy, she is big."
8. I never want to embarass my children again.
9, I never want my children to feel like they have to fight for me when someone says something about my weight.
10. I never want my children to face what I am facing today.

Here it is, June, 2009, and I have not had surgery.  For those of you who knew I was scheduled December of 2007 and are wondering why, life happened.  My then 15 year old daughter tried to commit suicide.  Everything else no longer mattered.  That consumed me for a long time.  She is doing great now, just graduated high school.  And I have tried a little here and a little there to lose weight-but have just gotten bigger.  So, I started the process again today.  I called the surgeon, and my new insurance company.  I will put new, bigger pictures up of myself soon.  This time the time is right-this time it is going to happen.  Thanks for listening, for your support, and for the prayers out there, your prayers!

I met with the surgeon today.  He is a really nice guy.  Totally went over everything.  Also, we talked about the fact that I would like to have the Lap Band but I am not sure if insurance will cover it becaue my BMI is too high.  We are going to try and go for it anyways.  He said if I get knocked down and they deny me, I can switch to rny-if that is what I want to do.  I have already talked to my PCP and my therapist-now I just have to get letters from them.  I got the schedule for the support group-and the phone # for the nut-so I guess I am finally on my way.  I am supposed to start trying to lose some weight-maybe get my BMI lower so they will approve.  I am going to use some of the great ideas I have heard on here to change some of my habits and start getting some of it off.  Michelle, aka Eggface, thanks for the list you sent me of ways to start getting ready for surgery.   Penelope, you are always such a great encourager.  Charlie, I am looking forward to start using your recipes as I trudge on in the new journey.  And anewbecboo, you are always so sweet.  Thank you all-I am excited to know you, and others like you, are going to be here for me!!!!

I told a couple of new people about looking into WLS today.  thankfully they were very supportive. I just told my Dad yesterday-which is not odd since we have a strained relationship.  I could tell he wasn't happy but he didn't say anything.  I hadn't talked to himin a couple of months so I think he didn't want to rock the boat.
   I am still looking for a new admin.  Interviewed a couple of people today.  Really liked one-I need one fast.  I am getting so far behind on my work!!!!!
  Well, there is my day, except for the fact my 15 year old has strep-feels really crappy-hoping no one else gets it.

Well, I saw my PCP today and he gave me his ok to the surgery.  He would rather I went with the LAp Band, but willsupport me and help in any way whatever I do.  I was glad to talk to him.  I feel sort of like the surgeon won't be as biased because this is what he does, so of course he wants me to. 
  I made it thru my second day without Diet Coke andlet me tell you, I have an awful headache.  I know it will get better-but it is pretty rough right now.
  Well, that was my day, except for the insanity at work because I am still without an admin.  I have a couple of interviews for that tomorrow so hopefully that will be calm again soon too.
 

Trying to follow the advice of WLSers who have gone on before.  So, my first step is to give up my Diet Coke.  Made it thru the day-and boy, what a day!!!!  It is my Sales Meeting day-which is stressful in itself.  Then, I had to fire my Administrative Assistant, gave her til the end of July last week but she called today and is done-as of today!  So, I am looking for a new admin, doing all the paper work, my office looks like a hurrican went thru it, and getting ready for the meeting.  But, I made it!  No Diet Coke.  Let's see what happens tomorrow-one day at a time,