Meganlnewton
Another Day Almost Gone
Feb 15, 2010
Okay, so today was alright. My hubby son and I went to Duluth for my therapy appointment and then did some awesome 2nd hand shopping and found some good deals. Therapy went okay. I really feel comfortable with her...I've been seeing her for a year now (this month) and I think I've made some progress - well okay - alot of progress. After a year we are finally getting into the thick of it with why I came to her in the first place. Which is because I was raped when I was a child and I started having flashbacks as an adult. I don't remember all of it yet, but I guess that will come with time. I trust her and when she tells me I'm ready for the next step, I believe her.My weight problems are tied into my past. I've heard that alot of children who are abused, end up overweight. It's a protection - a way to hide - a way not to be the center of any kind of attention, but negative attention which is what you think you deserved.
These sessions are bittersweet, i feel better talking with someone who really listens and care and has SOLID tools to help me solve my everyday problems - but these sessions also bring up feelings that I buried so deep that I didn't even know I had them. It's uncomfortable to feel those thoughts and feelings. Uncomfortable. Sick. kinda like ... I'm going to throw up and all you want to do is sip water until the feeling goes away. But... Dr. Dee...darn her.... won't let that happen.... let the feelings go away... she says " You have to feel, to Heal" and she's right, but on this side of the desk - it's just really hard...BUT .. I'm working on it.
Having WLS is also part of my process of healing. Of taking care of myself. Of my body. Losing the - blanket I've hid myself under all these years. I want it off. I want to heal. I want to be the person I was meant to be. I want to be an AMAZING mom - not just the mom that is "later sweetie, mommy is tired" I want to be the fun and creative soul mate to my husband. I want to smile. I want Joy. I want to FEEL GREAT. Losing weight is a huge step in making all of that come true. Not a magic pill of course - but nothing is.
I'm working hard now, I'll work hard after RNY.
