Jul 29, 2012I have vowed to myself that I would start keeping a journal so that a year from now, hopefully when I am 100lbs lighter, I can look back and reflect upon what my days were like pre-surgery. I think that down the road I may forget what its like to be "fat" and I never want to forget what it is like because I never want to put myself back in this position again. I hope that through blogging in the next week or so before my surgery I will be able to record my struggles with weight so I will never forget.
During this 16 month process of waiting to get RNY gastric bypass I have felt so many emotions run threw me. Regret, Joy, Hopefulness, Fear. I think fear has been the hardest for me - fear that I will get depressed after surgery, fear I am making the wrong decision, fear I will have buyers remorse. Surprisingly though, the past week I have felt little fear and think that it has mostly turned to excitement. This has been such a long process and I feel VERY ready to live a life that even I don't know what the possibilities of it will be because I have never been skinny, fit, or healthy - all things that I hope surgery will help me to achieve. I want to rid myself of this body MORE THEN ANYTHING. I want to live an ACTIVE lifestyle (which I have never lived). And I want to look super fly as the Maid of Honer at my sisters wedding in June 2013. The possibilities that this new lifestyle will hold for me are so great, probably greater then I can imagine, and I am willing to work hard to achieve what I think will now be possible with the assistance of my RNY. I know the road ahead wont be an easy one but the consequences of not taking it at all will be far greater.