So it's been 6 months: heres my update

Apr 11, 2012

So, I knew this wasn't going to be  easy, but i never expected what I am going through. I have been overweight almost all of my relationship with my husband.  For the past 5 years I've been at minimum 100lbs heavier than him. And He was pretty supportive of me loosing weight until i started hitting around 250 ( i was 326 at my highest last year). Well now i'm down to 221 and It seems like he's really resenting me for some reason. I dont understand. he's not supportive, he doesn't compliment me. Hell he doesn't even say anything about my weight loss and every time i bring up that something new fits or that i'm feeling better or i can do something i couldn't do before he kinda shrugs it off or changes the subject. I know that mybody is ugly underneath my clothes, but clothes do a good job os consealing it so i can look halfway decent. Our sex life has gone down hill completly, we dont sleep in the same beda nymore. he sleeps on the couch. Part of me is wondering if hes found someone else at work (he just started a new job in january where he does work with females whereas before he never worked with females ever). I dont know what is going on. I thought that if i lost weight things would be better between us b/c i wouldn't be so self conscious about the way i look, but now i'm even more self concious because i feel like i'm still not good enough. THe only time or place i feel better is when i post pictures on here or on facebook. But thats b/c you are all like family and know what its like to go through this.
Ok, and so maybe i'm feeling a little guilty about this, but my Some people from highschool have been noticing my weightloss and last night my husbands cousin came over (haven't seen him in like two months) and he kinda leaned over and said "your looking really good, keep up the great work" Why can't MY HUSBAND tell me that. Why can't he make me feel good about myself. Sometimes i feel like he just doesn't want me to feel about myself at all and that as along as he can keep me down then I wont need anyone else.
So thats whats going on emotionally with me. But now onto the food issues. I hate food. i literally hate eating and i have to force myself to eat everyday. I never thought i would feel this way about food. sometimes i just drink my protein to get it in b/c i dont want to eat. For a while i was having issues with keeping food down and it was starting to effect my daily life. So i toned it back on what i was eating so that i could function again. I feel like i'm stuck in a rut right now.
as i've wrote before i'm bipolar and i've actually been off my meds since january b/c i kept throwing them up, but i recently started taking my meds again and they just can't work soon enough. I feel like i'm on the verge of a major freak out and i sit and stir in my head and my anxiety is through the roof thinking about everything all the time and my moods vary so much i just i could make it stop without drugging the crap out of myself.
well i gotta run. I need some coffee to get my but into gear!

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