Teena D.

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Why do I self-destruct? Okay, let me explain. I have been really good. 
I have been walking for an hour everyday! (About 4 miles) 
I have given up sweet tea! 
I drive right past McD’s! 
The scales are finally moving down! (Not much but I’ll take it) 
But I am still a glut! Go figure. Look, I had the taste for rice pudding and it was on me strong, so I looked up on the internet for sugar free rice pudding recipes, went to the store got all the ingredients and made it when I got home. I used brown rice and equal. A big no-no. The rice never did get soft. I had the rice boiling in milk for about an hour, when that didn’t work I put it in the microwave for 15 minutes, that didn’t work, so I put it in the oven for 45 minutes, that didn’t work either. So I gave up. But being the glut that I am I ate a bowl of it anyway, y’all it was so crunchy! 
So I still got the craving for this rice pudding, so I stop by the store on my way home the next day and got all the real ingredients for “old fashion rice pudding” went home and made this “boss” rice pudding! It was soooo good! And I made a big pan of it that actually was mistake #1! 
I ate a big bowl before it even cooled off! 
I wanted to taste it after it cooled off, so I ate another bowl! 
The next day before I went to work I ate another bowl. 
Thought about nothing else all day at work, so as soon as I got home, I ate another bowl. 
After dinner I ate another bowl, by now it is making me sick, but I am not a quitter, so I ate another bowl! 
Y’all I actually got sick, threw up all in my bathroom, cleaned it up, brushed my teeth, still felt bad so I laid down, fell asleep, woke up and guess what I did……..ate another bowl of rice pudding!!!!! 
I need help! I kept eating it until it was all gone. That was three days later! 
WHY AM I SUCH A GLUT?!!!!!!!! 
I learned that if I get the taste for something to just go buy a serving from a restaurant because it is like I am an addict. I have no control! 
It reminded me of another time before surgery, I made a butter cream cake with homemade chocolate icing for my husband. Well I ate a slice before he came home because I just wanted to test it….you know, for poison. It was really good, so I ate another slice, (this time with a tall glass of milk). I had milk left over and no more cake, and who wants to drink plain white milk, so I got another piece of cake!!! Well, by now the cake is half gone and I can’t let my husband think I ate a half of a cake, so I ate the rest of it! Well the house still smelled like cake even though I tried to cover it up with carpet fresh, pine sol, you name it I sprayed it! So what did I do, MADE ANOTHER CAKE!!! And yes, after dinner, I ate a slice of that one too. Because my slice was smaller than my husbands he asked if that was all I was going to eat, and I said yeah because I was watching what I ate! PITYFUL! I NEED HELP!   
Have a blessed summer, pray for your girl!

Well another school year has come and gone and as most of you are aware, I do not have internet at home. (We live too far in the woods, I am gonna try to get the thing where you plug right into your computer, but it is a little too expensive for my pocket right now!) 

So just like every year at this time I have to log out for the summer. I wish everyone well and if you cheat, don't cheat yourself by being too hard on yourself. Just suck it up and start again, not tomorrow, now!

I was looking at my weight loss or lack there of for the year and I started the year weighing 207 and ending it weighing 198! So it seems like I only lost 9 pounds the entire year, thats not so! I actually lost about 30 pounds, the problem with that is I gained 21pounds throughout the year. I am going to try to do better starting this summer!

I really don't worry about it that much anymore. I refuse to let it consume my life. I think I look okay, (especially with clothes on) I am not trying to be a 42 year old model, and at this stage in my life the only one that sees me naked is my husband (he won't let me have a boyfriend! I told him I need a young man with "tims" and those sagging pants I hate to see the young men wear! Why do they think we want to see their butts? Whenever my nephews do it I pull my pants down like them so they can see my "grandmom" panties then they pull their pants up!), so I am alright even if I stay were I am, wrinkles and all! Sometimes you just get to the point were you have to be alright with some stuff!!

I love you all! I won't log off until June 5, so if you need me until then I am here! 

Teena!

You don't need to lose anymore weight, you are gonna start looking sick!How many people are tired of hearing this? I know that I am! Before I had the surgery they were saying "you don't need the surgery you are just big-boned," now it's "okay, you do look better, but you need to stop now before you start looking sick!"

My Mom even told me that she would be mad at me if I lost anymore weight! WHATEVER! I mean I love my Mother but this has nothing to do with her. She should have told me that if I ate one more cupcake or drank one more sweet tea she would be mad at me Or she could've said, "Teena if you don't do something about your weight, you are gonna die, then I will be mad at you!!! Now that is something for her to be mad about!

She even asked my husband did he want me to lose anymore weight, like it's his decision and of course he said no! And I said Michael you have a nerve to talk when you weigh a buck-five soaking wet! Don't be jealous cause this ain't even about you!

I just get tired of dealing with this everyday! If it ever gets to the point when TEENA thinks she should stop, then I will, until then I have to do me! It doesn't matter what my Mom, Husband or no one else says. 

His sister knows she doesn't like me, but she has the nerve to come to my house and the first thing she said was Dag Teena, don't you think you need to stop losing now, and of course I told her don't you think that you need to start...........NOW! People need to keep their comments to themselves expecially when you didn't ask for it!

No. People aren't ever happy? You can't please them and I am not going to try! It's all about pleasing yourself. I mean look at my pictures, do I look sick?

I'm glad that this site gives me people that understand my pain! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!
And let's keep each other!
Love Teena

Holla at your Girl!! Yes I have been doing my thing! No Carbs! No Sugar! Plenty of Fruits! Plenty of Vegetables! Protein! Protein! Protein! Tons of Water! No more Sweet Tea! Walking Everyday! Praying Everyday! Y’all God is sooo good! He really is! It reminds me of the songwriter’s words; Never Would Have Made It! I’m stronger! I’m Wiser! I’m better, so Much better! I would have lost my mind a long time ago, if it had not been for God on my Side!!!Okay, You guys know I’ve always got a story, here’s what happened; I went to North Carolina to pack up the baby girl, she is staying in North Carolina for the summer, I know I am going to be bored out of my mind, but anyway, at the hotel there was a pool so we brought new bathing suits. Well, when I put mine on, my right cheek kept falling out; this was not funny at all! I told my husband what is wrong with this stupid bathing suit, and he said it looked too small! Well, I thought to myself, I knew I should have gotten the 16 so I could’ve had more room, (I thought I had the 12!) Looked at the tag and guess what size I had? The 16!! I said no. I can’t go threw this again. So I made up my mind then that enough was enough. Then I was leaving the church complex and I passed by the house where I use to live and my ex-neighbor was out side, so I stopped. She had lost 100 pds on weight watchers before I left 2 years ago and now she has gained it back!I know she was glad to see me but she acted like she was so ashamed because of the weight gain. I put myself in her shoes! How many times was I ashamed because of my weight! I wasn't going back there! Get it together and now girl, so what you don't feel like walking, so what you are tired of drinking water, so what! Who cares! Do you want this or not! Get your ass in gear and do what you know you are suppose to do!Do you want to hear my results……………. 198pds baby!! Yeah boy! I am back!  I am in the ONESEES!!!  I lost 9 pounds in 10 days!!! If I can do this, anyone can because I am a food addict! Just pray and do what you know you can do! We are winners! God is Good!

Love Teena
Ps. I have to say thank you to this beautiful OH family, you guys just don't know how much you keep me on my toes! Being a competitive person that I am, when I fall off, and read about someone doing great, or someone looking good, or some one always doing the right thing, it encourages me to get my act together! So thank you! I am indebted to you!I couldn't have done this without you!

What is going on? Okay, I got up this morning, the sun was shining, and the day looked beautiful so I decided to dress up a little! I put on these black Capri ’s, a cute little red top, and a black beater underneath, you know, to look cool like the kids! Well I noticed the pants were a little bigger than they were the last time I wore them three months ago, so I get all excited! 

I run to the bathroom down the hall and jump on the scale and.......

I GAINED 6 POUNDS! 

What? So, I start taking off my clothes, something is wrong! Still the scale says 207!

Okay, Okay, God please help me with this! I’ve been doing so good! I haven’t had any sweets for two weeks, no McDonalds sweet tea, nothing! Why is this happening to me! I’m not going to panic, I am just going to take this as an opportunity to get back focused and exercise like I am suppose to be doing anyway! I know I haven't walked in a couple months so that has to be the problem!

I put my clothes back on and come to school. Later, I go to cafeteria duty and this 7^th grader comes up to me, in front of a cafeteria full of teachers and students, and says, “Mrs. Teena, you look pregnant today!” I said, “you look pregnant everyday, at least I’m a girl!” 

Y’all I don’t be getting smart with the kids like that, my feelings were just hurt, and not by him by what I experienced this morning in my bathroom, I just took it out on him! He was so embarrassed, so I just hugged him and laughed, and told him I was just playing, brought him a cookie, told him how cute he was and if I were his age he would be my boyfriend! This made him happy and he ran off, but I’m still left with the “bad” feeling!

Look this is how dumb I am, when I finished cafeteria duty, I came back to my room and this sweet lady had went out and got lunch for us. I opened it and started eating it, still wondering where the 6 pounds came from. Then it was like a light that came on, look down dummy…….. 

My lunch consisted of chicken and dumplings, candid yams, greens, and sweet potato rolls.  Of course I had bottled water! I quickly called two of the students up and gave them my lunch, (yes it was enough for two!) 

I know I have to un-do all the damage I’ve done to myself it’s not just the sweets, it’s also the French fries, and sweet tea, and dumplings, and fried chicken, and hamburgers, and Mac and cheese, and pastas and breads…….. 

Okay, okay, it’s my fault, just letting go sweets isn’t enough, I have to let everything go and run this race like my life depends on it! (Because it really does!) 

AM I PITYFUL OR WHAT! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, GOD IS RELEASING THINGS IN MY LIFE AND THIS IS PART OF MY TRANSFORMATION! 

Love Teena!

Okay for my revenge on my husband! I came home from work on Friday, and I had some painting to do so I put on these big, holey, worn out pants that had paint all over them from me painting before and this big worn out sweatshirt, pulled my hair back tight, tied a scarf on my hair, washed my face, took the makeup off and painted!
Well when Michael came home, I told him I needed some things from Lowe’s, so he said get ready and I’ll take you. I told him I would wait for him in the truck, when he got in the truck I still looked the same and he said, you going like that! I said yeah what’s wrong with me?

People were looking at me funny in Lowe’s and Michael acted like he was embarrassed so after leaving Lowe’s, I told him I was hungry. He said okay I’ll just swing into McDonalds drive thru. I told him that I wasn’t doing McDonalds anymore, so let’s go to Applebee’s. He said okay, we’ll just swing by the house so you can get changed!

No I’m fine, let’s just go so I can hurry up and get back home! Well we get to Apple bees and I strut in like I own the place, smiling and speaking to everyone (even people that I didn’t know) 
(By the way, the sweatshirt is brown, with bleach stains, and a hole right at the collar, the capri pants are multi colored with all kinds of paint on them, my booties are red and I have on these tennis shoes that I could walk out of because they are so big and dirty, I use them for yard work! The silk scarf on my head was red, white and blue! I looked a hot mess!)

Michael rushes through his meal and I’m just relaxing! He asked me fifty times am I ready, then finally I said Yeah Michael, evidentially, you are. Let’s go. 
When we get to the door one of his workers is coming in. He stops to talk, (probably so I can walk away from him) but what do I do, I strut back and say hey sweetie, I’m Teena, Michael’s wife! 
Michael says, yeah man, this is my wife, (looking down) Y’all I get so loud and “ghetto”! Talking dumb, saying things like, “How long you work for Mikee?” “ Mikee be treating you right! Yo check this, it's like this we might be in a recess, but if he don't treat you real good you can sit home and day will still give you checks, so you still gonna get paid regardless, see what I'm saying!” “My bad, I’m all in y’all conversation!” “Mikee, do you want me to wait in the truck cuz I got this big hole right here in my pants and I sure am cold!” (showing him and the guy my hole on the inner thigh of my pants!) 
On the way home he said, why did you do that, and I said Michael, I thought about what you said and I am not going to go out to get attention from the outside when I should only be getting it from you. He said you know I didn’t mean it like that! I said, No, I don’t want you to worry about no one giving me any extra attention! 
He said no, you do you! I said well I was going to do me anyway; I was just trying to prove a point. If I looked like this all the time and carried myself like this, it affects you. Believe it or not what I do affects you and what you do affects me! He admitted he was wrong, and truly acts like he appreciates me more!

When we were on the way to church yesterday, he kept saying, “Boy you are beautiful to me! I am so blessed!” And of course I said, "yes you are, and so am I!"

Now I don’t know if that means he was really embarrassed, if he appreciates me more, or if I really showed off Friday AND Saturday night, (yeah a sista’s back to getting it on a regular!)

Whatever it was he’s back on track, AGAIN! I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts, even if it is for a day, week, or month!

Games we have to play!!!!!

Love you, 

Teena

I am not having a good week, well I am but I'm not! I had a wonderful dinner party Tuesday night for my Bishop, Pastors, Mother, God Mother and a couple other people who have been significant in me in Michael's life! (You know as part of the give flowers while they are living thing!) It was great! I worked my butt off, but thanks be to God it turned out wonderful! 

After everyone left I cleaned up and talked to Michael for a little while then I told him that I was getting ready to go to bed. He said okay, but instead of coming to bed, he cut on the livingroom TV and sat there for about 15 minutes and fell off to sleep. This has been happening for about 2-3 weeks now. So the next day I asked him what's up. I go to bed by myself, and by the time I wake up he is already gone! His response...... I think you get enough attention from everyone, you don't need it from me! 

WHAT!! ARE YOU FOR REAL!

Look Mr. G & Q, just because I am trying to get myself together, it has nothing to do with you! I didn't hold back on you when I was a big whale and everyone was looking at us like "how in the world did she nab that fine man!"

Get off your high horse and thank God you have me, (with my fine self!) It took a long time for me to be happy with myself and if the truth be known I'm still not totally happy with me, but it is a lot better than it was!

When Michael and I got together, 24 years ago, I was very confident, then came the weight and I lost the confidence, well he use to tell me all the time that I wasn't the person he married because I acted like life was beating me with a bat. I looked at that and looked at myself and I agreed, I didn't tell him I agreed, but I did. So I did something about it!

Now what are you saying? Make up your mind already. You are just use to it being all about you! It's not my fault you are getting a little thin on the top, get some spray dye or cut it off, better yet you're tall, just don't bend over!

You better thank God that I am a Christian, cause what you won't do there are plenty of fine brothas out here that will! (I've never cheated and never will, but I talk a real good game!)

He up there talking about, "you just think you are all that now,"
"no Negro, you think I'm all that now and you better start  Embracing it so we can have fun with this new me instead of pushing me away!"

MEN ARE A TRIP!
Love, Teena!

4/4/08;
How are you doing! I am doing very well thank you for asking! I have to admit that even after doing the 7-day protein test, I am still sipping on McD's sweet tea. No it is not unsweet, it doesn't taste the same to me! I am doing it in moderation though! (one every other day and it lasts me all day!) I have given up sweets!! Yah for me! I am back to drinking my protein! Overall I am back focussed and ready to finish this race!

Well getting to why 4 is my new lucky number, I lost 4 pounds, for two weeks in a row, 4 last week and 4 this week! I went to the doctor with my Mom yesterday and I really enjoyed my Mother, we don't always get along but God is really fixing things for us, any way, when we got to the Dr's, the receptionist needed change so my Mom asked me if I could break a twenty, when I stepped up to the counter, the receptionist said, "My she's beautiful, tall and thin looking like a model!" I just thanked her b/c I'm not use to the "thin" comments, "tall" yes, but not "thin"! Well, the lady went on to say, "I think it's nice when these young people these days keep money, if I asked my daughter for change for a twenty, she sure wouldn't have it!" So of course I asked, "how old do you think I am?" and yall she said, "About the same age as my daughter aren't you? She's 24!" Lord Jesus, I almost died! When I told her that she had the numbers right they were just backwards because I will be 42, next week, she said no way, so my Mother and I stood there trying to convince this woman, then people in the waiting room joined in, then the workers chimed in, No one believed me, so I went to the car and got my license! 

Isn't that great, I never had that problem when I weighed 315 pounds! Well I was on cloud nine, this man even came in and this woman started talking to him and she said "can you believe that lady over there is 42! And the conversation started over again!

Well now I am just cheesing, and I get into my cute attitude! I twist my body and crossed my leg, and boy I got this charlie horse! This cramp was so bad I had to get up and walk around the building, no lie! Tears came to my eyes that thing would not budge, I was praying and everything. When it finally left I went back into the building, sat down and it jumped right back in my leg! You could see the pain I was in and people were looking at me going through this and all I could say was see, I told yall I was an old lady, as soon as I leave here I am going to get some aspercream! 

I hope you have a great weekend!
Love, T44na!

Hello all! I'm back! 

I had a mental breakdown during my vacation! I was a mess, I got so depressed that the devil was trying to kill me by telling me that I didn't want to be here any more, like the world would be the same without me! 

Seriously though, I have always battled depression but this was crazy! I was even thinking of ways to kill myself without people actually knowing that I killed myself! The devil is busy! Well as I was walking around the house thinking what would work and what wouldn't, really rationalizing this thing, the phone rang and it was a couple friends of mine inviting me out to breakfast. So I went, didn't want to, but didn't want to make up a lie, (couldn't think of a good one anyway)!

I get to breakfast in this busy restaurant and just start crying uncontrollable! Don't ask me why! I just couldn't stop! They kept telling me how blessed I am and all I could think of was negative things. Well, they encouraged me to go to this couples retreat with the church and they were going to pay for it as an early birthday present! (I will be 42 on April 9! What happened to my 30's)

We had a ball! It was what I really needed! It was what we really needed! I am so glad we went there instead of Myrtle Beach and New York! It was wonderful! Just the fellowship was awesome! we got a lot of questions about our relationship answered like, my husband use to open doors for me all the time, he always kept the car filled up with gas b/c in his own words I was too cute to pump gas! Well, he doesn't do that anymore, and it just stopped about 2-3 years ago, and like I told the instructor; 

I know I'm not as cute as I use to be, but I am not as ugly as I'm going to get!!!!

Well my husband promised to fix that problem and I promised more "quality" when it comes to sex! (use your imagination!) All and all it was wonderful!

The amazing thing was when we got to church on Sunday the pastor asked me, (in front of the whole church) if I wanted to share my testimony! So I went in front of the church and let them know that just because I do the hair thing and the make-up thing and I smile all the time, I am a person that battles depression daily and it is a disease that I am going to overcome! So many people came up to me afterwards and thanked me for sharing. They said they too had this disease and it was a daily struggle but seeing someone like me admit to it in front of the whole church gave them strength and encouragement!

I guess making myself transparent in front of all those people was worth it, that is one of the reasons I decided to share it with you, my beautiful OH family, if it helps just one person, it is well worth it!

I have pictures that I will post as soon as I get them developed!

Be blessed! 
Love, T33na!

Okay for all of us who haven't stuck to the program like we were suppose to, help is on the way. All you have to do is click or copy the link http://www.5daypouchtest.com/ and it starts you all over like when you first had the surgery, that's if you stick to it!

I got the information on Wednesday, so I said I was going to start on Sunday! So I got a few more sweet teas, fries, potato chips, pizza and I paid one last visit to Ben........and Jerry!

I didn't start on Sunday though, what had happened was, I still had a lot of stuff left, so I stayed home from church and got rid of all of it........by eating it! When my husband got home he said," Gosh Dollbaby, you threw all that stuff away didn't you! You said you were going to start today!" And I just said,"You know that's right!" I didn't have the heart to tell him I ate it all!

Then he asked, "do you want to go out to dinner"? Y'all I felt sick as a dog from eating all that junk, so I snapped,"Michael, can I please get some support! How can I go out to dinner when I'm suppose to do this stupid pouch test!?"

I know, I know I am a bad person, but he has always been "skinty" so he doesn't understand my pain!

So I didn't start Sunday. Monday was a hectic day at work and I totally forgot about the pouch test until I was in the drive thru getting my sweet tea and fries! (It would've been mean to drive away then, and I am not a mean person!)

Tuesday, this lovely lady here at school brought me breakfast, and again, I was not going to hurt her feelings by not eating it! (It was good too!)

Wednesday I started the pouch test, but someone brought in a fruit basket and I ate some of the fruit, then I remembered I was not suppose to have it so I ate a cupcake!

So I tried again Thursday, and I have been sticking to it! I have even been exercising and drinking my protein! I feel a lot lighter! I wouldn't dare weigh myself! 

Oh yeah, I went to a furneral on Saturday in Pennsylvania. Everyone there was telling me how skinny I looked! I am glad I am jumping back on the horse now before everyone else notices that I have picked some of the weight back up! There is another thing called the 5 day protein test, I have that information too, so if you want it just e-me and I will get it to you!

If you have questions then feel free to e-me here at school, I check that address everyday, all day! [email protected] 

C-ya,
T33na! 
(I made a mistake and typed my name with two 3's instead of e's and liked the way it looked so decided to keep doing it, trying to be cool in my 40's!