MissSweetCheeks29
Where do I begin.... First let me say that I have not had any weightloss surgery yet, I have to do my sleep apnea study and I have an appointment for my physc evaluation after I do that they will schedule my surgery and God willing my insurance company will approve it! I have been heavy my whole life and it hasnt exactly been a" Wonderful Life". Growing up Ive always had the mentality that I was fat and not pretty even though everyone told me I was pretty, " if you would lose weight" would follow it, and that made me feel like people were only saying that to be nice and not hurt my feelings or make me feel bad about being overweight. Elementary school really wasnt that bad cause when youre that young noone cares about looks or clothes you just enjoy being a kid. When I started Middle school thats when I really started to feel insecure about my weight. I was beginning to be interested in boys and when i would talk to a boy that i liked and he would tell me that i wasnt his type, right away i took that to mean that i was fat and ugly and he just was trying to be nice and that just made me feel worse about myself.
I would come home everyday look in the mirror and i would even cry sometimes...one time i remember it got so bad that i covered all the mirrors in my room so i wouldnt have to look at myself naked. But it was all in my mind , now looking back at pictures of me back then i really wasnt that overweight but i wasnt skinny either. Middle school only lasted 3 yrs but it felt like 300 yrs but i was kind of glad because if i was this miserable in middle school i didnt even want to think what Highschool was gonna be like for me. I have always been the athletic type and i decided to go out for the volleyball team and was one of the best players on the team. I just always felt like i was trying to keep up with everyone but never could because of my weight, I was literally trapped in my own body like a prison.
I still remember the first day of Highschool like it was yesterday. It didnt help that i went to a school were about 80 percent of the kids were rich and had nice clothes and money etc....i remember one day walking down the hallways and there he was the guy that i was head over heels for and decided to have alittle fun with my me and my emotions and told me that he felt the same way about me when in actuality he didnt care about me at all. In that moment when i saw him i felt like nothing, but i kept my head up and just kept walking and that when he started to talk to me, he told me how great i looked and even asked for my number, like an idiot i just let myself get sucked back into his little game. He made my freshman yr a living hell and i even had to transfer to another school because of him. It wasnt just him the people there just made me feel because of my nationality and i didnt live in an expensive house or have expensive clothes that i was insugnifficant or didnt matter, i of course thought it was my looks and my weight. I left my sophmore year and went to another school and it turned out to be a great thing because i met my wonderful husband who l love more then life its self we have been married for almost 12 yrs and we got 2 beautiful kids together. My son Sean is 10 yrs old and Sophi is 3 yrs old.
In 2007 we had a baby boy named Seth who is no longer with us and that was really a hard hit to my heart. After that happened i fell into a big depression and turned to food for comfort, i almost left my son and husband because it was too hard to be around them, but i finally snapped out of it and realized that i had people that depended on me to be strong and not let myself die. I started to feel better but the lbs were piling on and that was pretty much the start of my troubles with losing the weight i have been on what feels like a roller coaster id lose the weight then gain. After I had my daughter Sophi 3 yrs later i lost a huge amount of weight like 80 lbs in less then a yr without dieting or excersing. Everyone told me that something wasnt right to go to the doctor and get my thyroid checked, i did and turns out that in 2011 the doctor found that i had an overactive thyroid and thats what was causing me to lose weight so easily im talking 5 lbs a week. but at the same time my pulse was like in the 130's and thats extremely dangerous i could of had a stroke at any time. So they fixed the problem i am no longer hyperthyroid i am in fact low thyroid and have to take thyroid replacement medicine for the rest of my life. i gained alot of the weight back that i lost and that is what brings me to the decision that i have to make a drastic change or i am not gonna be here to see my kids grow up. I want them to be proud of their mom and i want to set a good example for them. Like i said before God willing I will be able to do this surgery and start a new fat free healthy life...HELL Ive got 10 yrs to make up for, and im gonna start living life to the FULLIEST!
