P. B

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I weighed myself today and lost 4 lbs in the past 10 days YES!  I don't know what I did different but whatever it was it must have worked.  We were buying a new home and we finally closed on it so at least that part of my life is better so maybe the decrease in stress help my cortisone level I heard that helps.  Don't get me wrong I still have enough stress for a dozen or so people in my head but everything that vacates helps.  Now we are trying to paint, clean and change light fixtures etc to the new house all while trying to sell the old house and that is stress on top of this darn real estate market sucking.  But hopefully I will survive...I'm down 93 lbs not too bad hey?  I think my expectation of losing 100 lbs in 6 months was not realistic for me because 93 feels pretty good right now.  Have a good one everyone I'll talk to you all soon...Love Pam   

Hi Everyone, Well I am going to weigh myself again on the 25th of January because that will be my 6 month anniversary I wanted to lose 100 lbs by then I think I'll be close but I don't think I make it and I'm okay with that.  I have learned more since the last time I checked in here, I am trying to eat better everyday and I think I'm doing better I am trying to exercise more and I'm doing better there too boy of boy this sure is a process I hope I can lose quite a bit more weight before the loss gets even harder for me.  I now weigh last time I checked about a week or so ago 233 lbs so from where I started that's 87 lbs but I like to say 13 lbs from 100 that makes me feel better.  My husband and I have to sell our home and move to something smaller because I sell real estate for a living and the market is sucking right now and has for sometime but also because living in the huge house we are in now is kind of a waste in both money and space.  It is just us two now and we have over 2400 sq ft ranch so we are moving to a home with 1600 sq ft also a ranch.  But because the market is so bad right now and our current home is well over $400,000.00 and that market is even deader we may lose our home to a short sale or maybe even a foreclosure God forbid.  But there are a lot of folks in the same shape and even more are worse off in the country now days such as folks with kids in the war and everything else going down so I feel guilty to complain sometimes.  I feel like I should have known better since I've been selling real estate for over 15 years but when you are the only one in the household bringing in money and it's based on 100% commission it's very difficult to gauge.  I have saved a lot of money over the years but I've had to cash in most of my investments because of the bad market so I'm getting down to nothing soon and my husband has not worked except for with me at our company for over 6 years when he had cancer and his damn boss laid him off (what a jerk but he probably had his problems too).  I tried to ask my husband to get a job outside of our business but he has confidence problems and is having a very hard time so I will be patient because I love him so so much.  Well I'm going on too long as usual so I'll end now and maybe do some more another time...Best to all my friends here on OH I love and think of you often...Love Pam

Well I weighed myself yesterday and I lost 6 more lbs.  So total since pre-op is 78 lbs in a little less than 4.5 months.  I know I should be jumping up for joy but I feel I still have a lot of work to do with regards to my actions and mind set.  I went to see a therapist on Tuesday this week and Wednesday too and she was very insightful.  She says I am co-dependant.  I don't have any persons in my life currently that have a drinking problem but my son does like to smoke weed everyday and not with my blessing of course.  But that is not the issue either I keep on doing things for my kids that is keeping them dependant on me and I have other abusive traits like I have bi-polar which I was told I had and have been taking meds for since 2005 or so.  All of things are what is causing me to try and fail or just feel like I can't go on with regards to this surgery and many other aspects of my life.  I do feel hopeful that now that I will be getting therapy for these and other problems I been having lately and my whole life.  I guess time will tell but I am going to be positive and hopeful along the way.  Thanks for listening as usual all of my great friends here on OH...Best to you and God bless...Pam  

Hi All,  I'm soooo depressed I want to die (but I won't).  I'm still having problems and I'm still down around 72 lbs to 248 the last time I checked.  But things are getting worse not better I can eat way too much at a sitting and I'm making things worse at every turn.  I ate too much Glucerna cereal last night and got sick and uncomfortable as all get out.  I was eating too much sugar free candy but I threw all of that away a week or so ago.  I'm trying to go back to basics.  I woke up yesterday with the intention of eating only carbless food and I did pretty well until I got to the evening when I ate too many cashews and then the cereal with bananas in it.  God I hate myself sometime.  I don't want to go to the support groups or even be on this site too much and not at all with regards to the support groups because I keep comparing myself to others there and it drives me absolutely crazy that I'm not doing as well as most and I even canceled my 3 month follow up visit with my surgeon that was about 1.5 months ago.  They sent me a letter saying I should reschedule but I just can't do it.  I wake up everyday with great intentions and then I fail sometime during that day just like before I had the surgery and ballooned up to 320 and even 340 before that.  I try to exercise and I'm only getting in about 2 or so times per week.  I know I made a commitment but I just can't do the right thing and I have no idea why.  I’m almost at a loss as to what to do.  I thought maybe I should go to see the surgeon and have him do a test to see what size my pouch because I don’t feel full and am hungry all the time but I don't feel it's worth the risk to see him and find out I gained weight and what they might say.  I'm very smart and I know all the surgeon and NUT would say to me to encourage and try and help me I know this because I have been saying them to myself daily.  I'm going to try and drink only protein shakes today and see how that goes but it must come down to either my control issues or God only knows what else that causing me to do so badly.  I called my Psychiatrist to get a referral for a Psychologist and when I called her I never got a return call so now what?  I go to see my Psychiatrist on Monday this coming week so I'll ask her for another referral and see how that goes.  I don't think you all keeping in touch with me is going to be good for you in the long run because I'm not very good support and I’m setting such a bad example and having so many problems so I'll understand if you don't contact me back.  I wish you all the very very best with your success and if things change with me I will let you know...Best to you always...Pam 

Hi All, Well I don't have an update on my weight because I'm afraid to go on the scale.  The last time I did the scale I only lost 2 lbs in 11 days and everyone keeps calling it a stall but I know better.  The reason I think I am not losing is because I've been eating too many carbs and snacking a lot.  I know I made a promise with this surgery to eat better and exercise but I am like I think we all are a creature of habit.  I hate to say those things because I know what you say to yourself can cause more damage than what you actually do to yourself and I am trying to stay positive so that I can succeed at this not fail.  I keep telling myself that I will not FAIL but everyday I keep making both good and bad choices.  I try to focus on protein and I do a good job at that but sometimes I just want those pretzels, low fat chips and the sugar free candy don't even get me started with that.  Pre surgery I loved candy I keep it in a drawer next to my chair in the living room so when I'd watch TV I would nibble and I'm sure it was bad.  Even when I was diagnosed with Diabetes I still couldn't get off it.  Now I've discovered sugar free gummy candies like jelly beans and other stuff like that I also love the hard candy like root beer barrels and hard coffee candy, the fact that they make me so sick may be a good thing overall because when I eat too much of it I get the most horrible gas ever my family can't even stand me in the house anymore but if I cross the line to eating way way too much I get the worse diarrhea I've ever had in my life.  So I have to try and keep it out of the house but when I go to the mall I stop at that damn store and get some thinking I can control it only to find out that I lied to myself and I can't.  I have to get this shit out of my house!  Well anyway the one thing I did get from this surgery is everyday is a new one and I try to learn everyday that I screw up and I hope to get a handle on this someday hopefully before I die but hey I try to not make any promises to myself or fear of failing at that.  If there is anyone out there that can give me any advice I haven't already given myself please help me.  I will try and keep this site updated and I'm thinking about going to Weight Watchers but when I think about it too long I feel like I don't have anything in common with them as I've had the surgery and they haven't so I feel like I'm cheating.  Have a great one to all that see this and thanks for everything you do for me...Pam  

Oct 3rd 2007
You aren't going to believe this but I think I might be getting close to thinking this was a good thing.  I was at my office yesterday and my son and his friend were there and they couldn't believe how good I looked, I guess I hadn't realized it either for a long time.  I had a new dress on a smaller size and I felt great.  I also weighed myself this morning as I do every Wednesday because Wednesday's are my anniversary date for my surgery and I am so happy this week I lost 5 lbs.  I am as of my surgery and pre-op too down 63 lbs, 10 weeks since my surgery so I think I might be doing the right thing after all DAMN lol.  I have been focusing on denser protein and staying away from the white carbs as best I can of course LOL and exercising as much as I can too.  So for now I guess I'll take it.  I'm not sure based on the formula for weight loss what I'm supposed to be losing but what the heck I'm happy and at this point thats all I care about.  I had a goal to weigh 250 by my birthday and by God I almost made it I'm 257 and I have 6 days to see how close I can get huray....Have a great day...Pam

Well I'm sure I've said this before or something like it anyway but here I go again.....

The jury is still out on whether or not I think this surgery was a good idea for me.  I am eating way more than I think I should with no problems whatsoever which kind of pisses me off but I did still lose 56 lbs in 8 weeks and I'm eating way less than I was pre-op so I guess for now I'll take that.  I have HIRSP insurance that's a high risk insurance I pay the state of Wisconsin for.  I pay a huge premium of $1800 per quarter and my husband is around $2400 but he is older and had cancer.  I was approved in 6 days this time and in 2004 when I chickened out in less than 2 weeks so my insurance is good.  I just and have been giving my son advice and I will give you all the same, try everything else before you have the surgery because everyone thinks of it as a magic pill and it's soooooo not.  I am right back after 8 weeks eating just about everything I want and I have to watch it closely and exercise every day to maintain and possibly lose more weight which I have not lost anymore in the past 2 or 3 weeks, I swear that's the truth.  I can eat sugar almost as much as I want (I haven't hit too much yet).  I can eat ice cream have Starbucks coffees with sugar in them and I have never had a problem at all!  But if you still want to have it and you do my advice would be to watch it and don't try and push the envelope eat only what they tell you and make it so if you go over that amount whatsoever that you will die and plan on exercising at least 3 or better 4 times a week for an hour.  So the moral of this story (at least mine) is you may have to eat right using willpower and exercise just about everyday and if I would have been able to do that pre-surgery I wouldn't have needed the surgery in the first place...Best to you, your friend...Pam    

-a question:  
I am now getting close to 8 weeks out as of this coming Wednesday and I already can eat just about anything I want.  Last night I had before bed (and I really wish I wouldn't have had it) a hand full of reg pretzels, seasoned pretzels and protein chips.  The part that really scared me was for dinner I made a very healthy meatloaf with very lean ground beef 7% which is less than ground turkey or chicken (unless it's ground white meat which is very hard to find) 2 pieces a bite of mashed pots and mashed yams and some cauliflower and brussel sprouts and then just after dinner I had a slice of no-bake pumpkin pie.  Now I made it with a low fat graham cracker crust and light cream cheese but so what!  I should not be able to eat that much food with no discomfort whatsoever after 7 weeks.  So so far I would say no I would not have the surgery again, plus I feel the pain I went thru and everything that was done to my insides was a least a shame and at best a travesty.  As a matter of fact my 26 year old son weighs 470 lbs he used to weigh 565 and went down to 375 and now he’s coming back up again and I am discouraging him from having the surgery and instead encouraging him to go a diet like he did last time and lose the weight and this time do things just a little differently so it will stay off but ultimately it's his decision.  I told him to go thru all the pre-testing stuff (because it doesn't hurt to have all the tests to make sure he’s doing well) and then make his decision along the way.  That’s what I did the first time and I chickened out and did not have the surgery that was in 2004 and with another hospital and program, and I did not get along with the surgeon in that case.  I just couldn't understand if you have to eat right and exercise 7 days a week anyway why they heck wouldn't all of us be thin and not have to have the surgery in the first damn place?  But my surgeon is great now except for the fact that he’s trying to make a living using my and other's bodies as tools to do so.  As far as the hospital is concerned I thought they were a bunch of boobs.  None of them had a clue as to what they were doing and they had no sensitivity regarding the needs of an obese patient again whatsoever.  I did although lose 53 lbs in probably 5 weeks and nothing the last 3 weeks but I think the reason I lost all the weight wasn't the results of the surgery sort of speak but because I was starving for those 5 weeks and I mean that.  I went thru so much emotionally I can't even begin to tell you it was so horrible.  I don't know if down the line I will feel differently but as far as now is concerned I would not do it again I would try everything else I could do before I would resort to the surgery and even then think about it some more because my whole life has changed (or maybe not depending now how this goes) but at least physically forever.  I can't enjoy life the way I could before with friends and family and I feel it even did some damage in my marriage of 25 years because of all I put my poor husband thru these 8 weeks and beyond.  He doesn't understand why I'm not more positive about this whole ordeal and I tell him would he be positive if you were starving and not losing weight at the same time?  He then said I guess not.  That's it a nutshell you are starving physically and mentally the only thing is you are not losing weight while doing so.  What a damn shame hey?  I'll let you know if things change for me and you contact me if you need anything else whatsoever.  

P.S. One more thought I am starting to think the reason why there are any successes with this surgery at all is because the person that has the surgery feels so bad that they made the decision that they feel they have to do something to show some success or they'll look like idiots and fools to their friends and family.  So this morning I rode my stationary bike for 30 minutes so that I too will not look like a fool...Thanks for listening...Pam           

          

I had a wedding this weekend and I was very unhappy.  There was nothng I could eat so I thought so I brought my own food to the room where we did have a refrigerator thank God so that helped with the snacking.  When we got to the wedding they didn't have dinner until 9:00 PM which I personally thought was ridiculous.  When we were given h'orderves there were a couple of things I could eat with a lot of chewing.  Then when dinner did finally come there were a couple things I could eat there so that made me very happy although I do think I ate a little too much because it was over a period of time (like grazing).  Then the next moring we went out to eat breakfast and I had 1 egg, 1 piece of whole wheat toast with promise marg and a couple bites of french toast with sugar free surup no butter made with WW toast again I had to chew it almost to a mush but I didn't mind a bit.  For once I felt like I was one of the group and that I could have fun again without blowing my diet, so that was very nice.  I feel like my life may be coming back I just hope things continue to go well and that I make good choices.  I also bought some veg chips and some rice cake type chips and those went down too well so I can't buy those anymore unless it's maybe one small bag once in a great while.  Carbs like that used to and still could be one of my triggers so I have to beware.  Best to all...Pam B.

P.S. I weighed myself Saturday morning and I was down another 3 lbs so thats 48 lbs in 4 weeks and 3 days so I think I'm doing pretty well...     

Hi Everyone,  Well here I am almost 3 weeks out as of this coming Wednesday the 15th of Aug.  As of this morning 8/13/07 I weigh 280 thats 40 lbs down from the start of everything.  I am very pleased with the weight loss thing but I'm still having problems with what I can eat.  I tried to eat some fish last night and I had terrible pains and threw up for quite awhile it was very unpleasant.  Then my after I felt better I had some Malt O Meal and more SF popcicles.  I guess I still can't eat much at all I wonder when that will change.  The only thing that seems to go down at all is Malt O Meal, blenderized soup, cottage cheese, popcicles, jello, mashed pots and thats it.  How is one supposed to get in all their protein?  I suppose a lot of others probably can't even eat that so I guess I should consider myself lucky.  But as of this week I'm supposed to be able to eat not pureed foods and I just can't see that yet NO WAY.  But I guess everyone moves at their own pace.  I would really like to get bites of other stuff like spag, pizza, salads (any kind), I guess thats what I miss the most.  Well I'm going to sign off if anyone has any suggestions on when I might be able to eat or try new things please let me know....Thanks check in again sometime soon to update.....Pam