STUCK

Oct 27, 2009

It’s not all going to be a beautiful journey. Today was the worst day so far. I woke up feeling a lot better. My torn muscle was still tender, but not nearly as bad. It was a lot better; in fact I was dancing while cleaning the dishes. Then after dinner it went all down hill after that.

  I had some chili for dinner… no let me rephrase that. I had two bites of chili for dinner. It was only beans, it wasn’t and hamburger meat or anything, but anyways I chewed, I guess it wasn’t enough, because something got stuck. Now I dealt with something stuck before, an egg. I was like okay relax this will pass. This was at 4:30. It’s now 10:30, and I'm just now feeling better. I can’t even explain how many times I have thrown up in the last few hours. I'm scared to lie back down because that’s when I was getting sick. The pressure in my chest was awful, almost unbearable. I couldn’t even sallow my own damn spit! It wouldn’t go down forever. Then I had some water, and did one more hurl, and bam, a little piece of bean came up! My muscle hurts more now then ever! I feel like I just can’t catch a break.

  My emotions are all over the place. I don't know what the hell I did to my body damnit. I'm starting to feel like this was not for me. I'm starting to feel like it wasn’t meant to be for me. I feel huge lately, disgusting, a pig. I'm at a really low point, and I just need a pick me up. Ha, not turning to food though! Food will be the death of me.

  Tomorrow I think I will go for the cream of wheat, and yogurt only. I'm not ready to go though that again. Does it get better? I don't understand how such a little piece of bean caused so much discomfort!!! How will I ever be able to eat a piece of chicken?? Or salad? Or Tuna? Or anything???

  Please, please tell me it gets better!!!

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