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Well.. it's been awhile since I've posted.  Life has been keeping me very busy.  I took a part time job for the summer at Home Depot and of course they are finally giving me the hours I had originally been promised.  However, since I'm headed back to school.. I don't need them, nor have the time for them.  Oh Well, such is life.  

My weight loss has been very slow lately.  I have noticed more of a difference in how my clothes are fitting vs. the number on the scale.  I can fit into some size 12's.  For the first time I looked in the mirror the other day and saw a thin me.  Sure there is still some chub.. but I had never looked at myself and saw a normal size person.  It's a strange feeling, but a good one!

Last night I was busy doing somethings around the house when I suddenly became very tired.  It was the type of tired that I  couldn't keep my eyes open.  I then became very hot and the sweat began pouring from my pores.  What was happening I wondered!  The feeling was awful.. I don't remember feeling that bad.. ever! I thought I was coming down with the flu or something.  I sat on the sofa just to rest.. and began thinking that maybe my body was telling me I needed to eat.  My eating had been horrible the past two days.  I really hadn't eaten much of anything.  Basically just some fruit and pretzels, and an enchilada.  I know.. I know.. not healthy!  I just wasn't hungry and nothing seemed to be sitting very well in the ol' tummy.  Suddenly as I sat there I realized what I had eaten earlier... ice cream... but it had never bothered me before.. in fact.. it normally didn't have any effect on me, and I only ate a couple bites..   I know.. I know.. not a wise choice!  But, as I began thinking I realized the fact I hadn't had much to eat probably influenced my sugar levels as it was.. then add some sugar to that.. and BINGO.. we have dumping.  I can't believe after 9 months I dumped for the first time.  I decided that it would probably be a good idea to eat something 'real'.  I did.. and I began to feel so much better soon after.  I won't be eating any sugar for awhile that's for sure!  
Until next time.. 
Stephanie

Well, a couple weeks ago I told myself I needed to be 185 by my b'day, June 17th.  I made it a week early and I'm so glad.  I did everything by the book for about a week and got to that goal.  Then there was my cousin's wedding, June 9th and I've had an awful time getting back in the game.  Plus, with my birthday and PMS I seem to be eating everything in sight.  I actually bought ice cream today for the first time since surgery.  Oh well, we win some and we loose some.  I'll get back to it by the end of the week, as long as, this damn PMS doesn't kill me first. 

I'm wearing a size 14 in ladies and I pretty much can't buy anything at Lane Bryant, Avenue or the Women's departments.  Such a wonderful feeling.  I'm beginning to feel I belong in the ladies department and that people aren't staring and wondering why I'm there.  It's nice to buy bracelets and necklaces now and not have to worry if they will fit.  I went to the movie yesturday and noticed how much extra chair space there was, and I know now that I do indeed have sit bones.  

I do have to admit that I'm much more critical of my body than I was before surgery.  There are plenty of times I'm just not happy with how far I've come and that really bothers me.  I keep wondering how thin do I have to be before I'll be satisfied.. and will I ever be satisfied.  Before surgery all I wanted was to be a size 14.  I thought if I could get to that size I would be happy.  Well, I'm here and now I want a size 10.  Perhaps it's just human nature to never really be satisfied.

Till next time.. 
Stephanie 

Hi all, 
I'm trying to make it a goal to come and share my info more often.  Things are going pretty slow lately.  However, I am in Onderland, the century club and no longer in the obese category.  I'm simply moderately overweight, and at the moment I'm fine with that.  

Summer break is now here and I plan to really try to lose this remaining weight.  I have about 45 lbs. left and I'm beginning to think I won't make it.  The lure of carbs and sugar knock at my door each and everyday.  There are a lot of changes I can make though and one begins at the gym.  I have been very lazy about going, but I HAVE to get my butt moving and get there.  It just isn't near as enjoyable as it was before.  I am also going to be working at Home Depot this summer and I know I'll get plenty of exercise just walking around that place.  I know 45 pounds to lose this summer is a stretch, but I want to loose as much of that as possible.  

Well, that's all for this time around.  I've got to get dressed and get my booty to the gym.
Stephanie

     Well today I went in for my 6 month post-op appointment.  I'm down 102.5 pounds since the day I first walked into Dr. Barker's office, and 82.5 pounds since November 20, 2006, the day of my surgery.  I am so glad I had this surgery.  Granted there were times I wished the opposite, but it's made me feel so much better about myself.  Sometimes I feel too good about myself, I have to stop myself from looking in every mirror.  
     Eating has become harder.  I crave carbs and sugar, and a lot of the time I do not win the war.  The upside is I don't eat anywhere near as much as I used to, but I'm sure I'd lose the weight a little quicker if I could cut them out.  Oh well!  At least I'm still going to the gym.
Till next time!
Stephanie

     Well today I finally made it to Onederland.  The scale said 198.8 this morning and boy oh boy does that feel good.  I can't remember the last time I was even close to having the number 1 as the first number of my weight.  I'm still in a size 16.. but I can wear a 16 ladies instead of a 16 women's.. so that's exciting.  Lately, the weight is just falling off.. I've been losing between 1-2 pounds each day.  I don't know how long this will last.. but I'm going to enjoy it while I can.  
    

     The last few weeks I've pretty much hit a plateau.  The scale simply would not move.  I realize I had been exercising so I was gaining muscle, which weighs more, but I wasn't seeing any changes in my clothes either.  So last week I reevaluated what I was eating.  First, I was having a protein shake each morning made with soy protein, apple juice and frozen strawberries.  That was close to 300 calories right there, and frankly it wasn't that tasty.  I also seemed so hungry the rest of the day and began eating carbs!!!! So last week I changed that routine and went back to my Weight Control oatmeal each morning.  That really seems to be helping with the hunger.  I also changed my routine at the gym.  I was getting my heart rate up to the cardiovascular level instead of the weight loss level.  Don't ask me why this is different, but in one week after changing just these few things I lost 7lbs.  I only need to lose 8 lbs. till I'm in Onederland.  I'm so excited about that.  
     I'm now a size 16.  I've never in my life been a 16.  Of course, now I want to get down to a 14.  My cousin's wedding is in June and I want  so badly to be a size 12 by then.  Guess time will only tell.
     This past month has been hard emotionally.  I know that's why I had so much trouble with carbs.  It was really scarey to see some of the old eating habits come back., but like always food for that breif moment was my friend.  I knew I had to get back on track.  This last week I've really been trying.  I'm not saying I've done a perfect job, but I've done way better than I did the past few weeks.  I'm just glad I've had the strength to get back on the wagon.
Till next time!

     Well I think I may have lost my mind, because I am enjoying going to the gym.  I never in my right mind thought I'd say those words.  I've been using the treadmill and a little bit of the elipical machines as well as the weights.  I even took 2 classes this week.  Granted Pilates really kicked my butt!  I really didn't enjoy Pilates that much but can tell it really did something so I plan on trying it again next week.  
     I was also amazed as I fit into a XL pants at Target today!  Now they were knit so they stretched a little... but they weren't that bad.  I also bought 2 pairs of size 14/16 pants at Avenue today.  I don't ever remember wearing anything with a size 16 tag in it.... not even in my younger years.  
      Mentally this last week has been sorta rough.  My boyfriend and I broke-up.. very long story and I just have had a lot of feelings on my mind.  I think that's one reason I enjoyed going to the gym so much.  I at least got to get things off my mind for a little bit, and I was tired when I got home so I slept well.  
     My allergies are also kicking my butt.  I feel like I've been sick for the past 4 weeks.  The reality is I have been off and on.  I end up having so much drainage that everything hurts my stomach.  I normally have to eat soup to kind of settle the stomach.  Other than that I've been able to eat just about everything.  Bread however, gives me some problems so I try to stay away from it.  
I guess that's all for now.. 
Stephanie

     Well I weighed myself this morning and am now 221lbs.  I have been fluctuating between 224-222 for about 2 weeks now.  Very discouraging, but I have been loosing inches so I'm not too upset.  I had my 3 month appointment with the surgeon last week and seems all is going well.  I will go back in May for my 6 month check-up and they will do labs at that time.  
     This week I had to buy some new clothes.  I was beginning to look like a bag lady.  Especially with spring approaching and the weather getting warmer, I had no short sleeve shirts and the old ones looked horrible.  In most shirts I'm able to wear a 14/16 and I do not ever remember being able to wear that size.  I'm a solid 18 in pants right now, but now that won't last very long.  I've actually been able to buy a couple shirts in the ladies department, another thing I never remember from before.  The old mentality is still present though.  As I walk through the ladies department I keep thinking people are looking at me thinking.. "Honey.. what do you think your doing over here .. the fat section is over there.. "  I guess with time this will become easier.
     I've found that I can eat just about everything.  I still haven't eaten sugar, and I'm going to keep trying to avoid it.  As I'm able to eat more things, it has made it harder to make wise choices.  I'm struggling some days to stay away from the carbs, other days it's not too bad.  
     I joined a gym on Friday.  I'm sorta excited to start toning up this body.  I go tomorrow so they can show me how to use all the exquipment.  I know this will help me look and feel better.
Until next time.
Stephanie

     Well it's been awhile since my last post.  Things have been going well.  For the first time in years I have a boyfriend.  He is so supportive of me and this surgery.  He doesn't let me beat myself up like I usually do.  It's nice to have a positvie force around for a change.  
     The weight is still coming off.  Though for a little bit there it seemed the scale was stuck at 237.  A few weeks ago I bought some size 20 pants and now I think they are getting a little loose.  Granted this is a good thing!  
     This past week has been a real challenge.  I have PMS and like before I want to eat everything I see.  I have eaten a few things that probably weren't the best, but it did help get my calorie intake higher which is why I think this week I lost 3 lbs.  I still haven't tried sugar!  This has been soooooo hard!  I just am scared to get sick.  
     I am going to see my grandma today.  I haven't seen here since Christmas and I was a size 24.  I'm excited to see her reaction.  I've been getting so many compliments at work.  Some people don't even recognize me at first.  It's been a really good feeling.  
      Until next time!
Stephanie

       Well it seems I've been quite the slacker when it comes to writing my journal.  Everything seems to be staying pretty much on track, but of course, I'm not drinking enough or eating enough protein.  I'm just so tired of protein.  The last week or two I've had horrible cravings for those "not so good foods" I used to enjoy so much.  Last night I found myself dreaming of a chocolate milk shake.  I want to eat anything that is fatty, greasy, full of carbs, or sweet, but I'm staying on the plan.  I'm just bored with food.  I was enjoying shrimp and fish for awhile now.. but the last few times I've cooked it.. I wasn't too thrilled with it, and the way my house smells after cooking it is enough to make me sick.            
        Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I was not happy about the decision I made to have this surgery.  After all I've lost over 50 lbs. but I do not feel any better.  In fact, my body hurts more now than it did before the surgery.   Just yesturday a 'friend' from work asked if I'd had the surgery yet!  I seriously wanted to just slap her.  I told her I had it over Thanksgiving and her repy was.. " Well, how's it working?  Have you lost any weight?"  35 pounds I responded.  She looked at me and said.. "oh, well now that I'm looking, I guess you have."  Boy does that make me feel good!  Of course, the negative monster inside comes out and only focuses on that one comment.. and forgets about all the other people who have commented on my loss.  My inner voice tells me those that are telling they can tell a difference must be lying to make me feel better.    It also sucks to not know how certain foods are going to effect you.. especially when I've been out on a date.  One time I had to excuse myself to the bathroom, where I went to vomit.    Boy does that spell romance!  I've also had to turn some invites down because where people were going I knew I would not be able to eat anything there, or I'd eat so little it was just a waste of money.   
     It is so strange because even though I'm only 6 weeks out.. it feels like months.  I realize part of the problem is just the change in habit, and something  I will get used to over time, but most of the time.. I'd rather be eating the double chili-cheeseburger!