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     Well.. it's been a few days since my last post and I've been having a bit of tummy trouble.  Nothing lately seems to be sitting too well.  In fact, yesturday I went out to lunch and within a few minutes I had to throw up.  Today after I ate I did the same.  Though yesturday, the food came up today it was just foamies.  I think my allergies and congestion is to blame for the majority of this.  All that drainage in the ol' pouch isn't too good.  Hopefully this will end soon.
     I did notice however food I used to enjoy.. fajitas, tacos.. etc.. just don't really taste all that great.  I mean I went to my favorite Mexican resturant yesturday, first time since a week before surgery.. and the food wasn't as good as I remembered it to be.  I know they say our taste buds change.. it's just strange to me.  Each time I've been out to eat.. the food didn't taste near as good as it used to.  I'm hoping this is a good thing!
     I've been feeling a little defeated lately.  Even though the scale is going down.. my size isn't.  My mind keeps telling me.. I'm going to stay in my stupid size 24 pants forever.  Unfortutnatley the 22's are still a little too snug.  Patience.. Patience.. never been my strong suit.  
    Tomorrow is Christams Eve and I'll be spending it with the family.  Of course we will be having lagzagna for dinner, as it is tradition.  I know this is a very poor food choice, so I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do.  I was thinking of taking over something else for me.  I just really don't want to get sick.
     Happy Holidays to all!
Stephanie

Well today I'm going to finally, for the first day since surgery, get all my protein in.. YEAH.  I found these awesome South Beach Diet meal replacement bars that are yummy and have 19 grams of protein per bar.  I had one for breakfast, then had some string cheese, had some fish and will finish today with the other 4 oz. of fish or another bar.  That makes 67 grams today!  I just hope I can keep that up.  I'm also going to really work on my liquids during the Christmas holiday.  I figure if I set small goals, like 8 oz. and hour it might help.  My weight loss has been really slow the last week and I think it's because I'm just not getting all my protein or liquid in.  So I'm really going to work on it.  
I have to admit I'm really missing vegetables lately.  I would love some broccoli or spinach or tomatoes.. yummm. but there just isn't any room left in the ol' pouch once I eat my protein.  This week was really hard because I was PMSing.. I wondered what was going to happen during this time once I had WLS.  The cravings for everything were still there, but of course I couldn't eat everything I wanted like I wold have in the past.  I think the worst of it is over though.  Thank goodness, granted I still really want that double chili cheese burger!
Till next time, 
Stephanie

    So tomorrow marks the finish of week 3.  The scale hasn't reflected much change however, but I'm telling a difference in my clothes.  Wednesday evening I went shopping and ended up buying 2 new shirts and a sweater.  I figure I can wear them until it gets warmer, plus they were a 2x.  I don't remember the last time I could buy a 2x.  I bought them at JC Penney and in the past have noticed most of their clothes run smaller than Lane Bryant, so I'm very pleased.  My pants are fitting much looser, and I'm really enjoying that.  
    I finished my first week back at work and am quite suprised.  I figured I'd be tired by around noon each day, but I wasn't.  Of course, with the exception of Monday.  I really felt good.  Co-workers keep coming up to me asking me how I'm doing and seem amazed I'm doing so well this soon after surgery.  I"ve had a few co-workers ask me about my surgery because it's something they are interested in or know someone who is interested in it.  I'm the first person in my building to have had it done, so of course, people are very curious.  
    It's been so hard getting all my protein and liquid in.  Plus I'm pretty bored with food.  I'm so used to going to the drive through for something that having to actually think before I eat has been hard.  I've gotten sick twice this week.  Once on tuna and then on a slice of deli ham.  I think I ate the ham too quickly though.  Sure doesn't take long for the new pouch to let me know it doesn't like something.  A minute or two tops and up it comes.  Each Christmas we have a luncheon for my preschoolers and their parents.  There were so many types of deserts (cookies, brownies, cheesecake), and chips and dips (spinach, tex-mex, queso), of couse I wanted some of all of it, but I now realize why I had to have this surgery.  The old Stephanie would of said to hell with it and would of eaten as much as I could, and felt horrible about it later.  Plus, at 3 weeks out I'm ready to throw in  the towel,  just like any other diet.  But, I know I can't go back to my old ways of eating... or else.  It's sorta funny now though, I see how much people are eating and it disgusts me.  Perhaps, I am changing!  
Until later!
Stephanie 

Well yesturday I started back to work.  It was time and I was bored sitting around this house.  Several of my co-workers have commented that they can already see a difference.  This was a wonderful feeling.My energy level has been much better than I had originally expected, of course, once I walk into the front door the exhaustion hits.  I've been eating well.  I'm still not getting all my protein and liquids in, but I'm doing better.  
I had a WOW moment this weekend.  I went to the mall and stopped into Lane Bryant, just on a whim.  I had noticed at home my size 26s were getting a little big.  I was fitting into all of my 24s and a couple of them were a little loose.  So at the store I tested my luck and took in a 24 and a 22.  I started with the 22s and of course I was figuring there was know way I would get them past my bottom.  Well I totally did a happy dance when I was able to zip and button them too.  Now I'm not saying they were ready to be worn in public, but just the mere fact I could zip and button them were all I needed.  Of course, the negative side of me kicked in and thought.. this pair must be cut big.  So I took myself back out to the floor in search of 2 more size 22s.  Low and behold they both fit!  I could barely sleep that night I was so excited!
To date I've lost 16 lbs.since surgery on 11/20/06.  I know I won't keep this pace up for long, but I'm enjoying it while I can.  I'm doing better with my protein and liquids.  I'm still not all the way there, but I seem to be getting in a little better each day.  The only foods I'e realized that don't sit too well are tuna and refried beans.  I finally feel like I really had this surgery because I ate tuna one day and the next day it made me vomit.  This was the first time since surgery so I feel lucky for that.
Well I'm off to read the message boards.  Till next time!
Stephanie

    Well today was my one week post-op visit to see Dr. Barker.  The staples are out!!!  I have to say my incisions feel so much better since they are now out.  I've lost 10 lbs. since I went in on the 16th.  I realize 10 lbs. in 11 days is pretty darn good, but like I told Dr. Barker, until I can really see and feel it, I'm not too excited.  
     I have not done well today with my eating and drinking.  I had a little bit of a protein shake before I left for my appointment about 8:30, afterwards, had a few sips of water, but then didn't eat or drink anything till about 2 this afternoon.  Tomorrow, I have to do better.   Dr. Barker's assistant also told me I need to get my protein up.  Which I knew.  I think it will be much easier now that I'm eating something.  Though, when I say eating something no more than 1/4 cup of anything solid, ie, cottage cheese, pureed chicken, pudding.  Normally before that 1/4 is over I'm feeling full.  This is so strange.  Tomorrow I will do better!!!  
    I am feeling good and food is sitting pretty good in the new pouch.  Just learning to know when I'm feeling full is the hardest part right now.  I'm sure this will get much easier as time goes by.  While I was out and about today I stopped by my school to drop off some paperwork.  My co-workers were so supportive and wanted to know how the surgery went and how I was feeling.  My preschoolers told me how much they miss me.  One little girl was crying when I left.  She told me "I don't want you to leave."   I had to get out the calendar so we could count how many days til I came back to school.  I also receive some 'beautiful' pictures to 'help me get better'. It's the little things like this that make me love my job.  
     Needless to say I was exhausted when I got home and took a little, 3 hour, nap and I did not want to get up.    It's a quater-to-eleven now and I can't stop yawning, 
Till next time!
Stephanie

First I want to thank everyone that has written to give support.  It's truely amazing how people I've never met can mean so much to me.  All of you are awesome!
6 days out and feeling much better.   I'm finally getting my mind around all the changes that are being made in my life ready or not.  All the research, reading the boards, and talking to others can't prepare you for the real struggles that are ahead after WLS.  The real struggles are inside of me.  The first couple of days out I felt like a lost puppy.  I didn't really know what to do.  Sure going into this I thought I knew everything, but that was through another person's eyes.  To know when you should eat, when to stop, what to eat, what hugry, and full feels like, and muting the loud shouting from my screaming head 'Hamburger, Pizza, Cake, Chips, French Fries... Gooooooodddddd!" Is something you have to experience yourself,  no one can tell you how these feel.  
I'm not even close to knowing all this yet, but I'm learning with each sip or bite.
I am almost a week out and the realization that I am now on the other side of this is a wonderful feeling.  I have begun to think about the future.  There are so many things I have not done because of my weight, and I'm so ready to start living.
I can't tell if I've lost any weight yet, but have my first post-op appointment with Dr. B on Tuesday.  I'm still in some pain, but trying to stay off the pain meds as long as I can tolerate it.  Tomorow, I am getting out of this house.  I won't be doing anything too exciting, but being in a different setting, if for only a few minutes, should help releive some of this boredom.  
I haven't been able to get all of my protein in, of course this is normal.  I'm so ready for something besides liquid.  I've been craving tuna.  I assume my body really needs the protein, however, everything I've tried, i.e. soy protein, milk, soy milk, protein drinks, haven't been sitting very well.  Hopefully with time this will get better.
Till next time!
Stephanie

It's been 4 days since my surgery and unfortuantely I am feeling alot of regret.  I keep asking myself, Why? 
Why did I have to be fat?
Why couldn't I lose weight by myself?
Why did I do this to myself?
Why does food have this hold on me?
Why can't I just be normal?
Why can't I just be happy about this?

I'm just really down about everything, lately.  I hadn't taken my anit-depressants in a week because they were making me sick when I was on the liquid diet.  I decided I needed to start taking them again.  I took one tonight and will continue.  
I really wish I was happy about  having WLS.  I have wanted this for 6 years and now that I've had it, I keep asking myself why did I do this to myself?  I hope this is just a phase.  I hope the positive side of myself will shine through soon, because I'm thinking I've made a terrible mistake that can't be undone.  I feel I will fail at this, and I will not lose weight.  
I am not hungry, or am I?  I can't tell.  I feel like nothing was really done. The old me just wants to sit down and eat pizza, cake, and anything else that I can.  Everytime I fall asleep I dream about food, and I wake up feeling guilty because I belive I've eaten things that I can't.  I really hate this feeling and wish I would of never done this.  I know this isn't healthy and that food shouldn't have this much of a hold on me but it does and I miss it.  
I"m tired and still in pain.  I itch from the bandages and staples.  I'm just hating life right now. 

I left for the hospital on Monday and once there they took me back to get me into my beautiful hospital outfit.  I kept my underwear on because I had started my period and the nurse told me I could take them off before they took me upstairs and put them in my bag with the rest of my clothes.  I was ok with that.  Well it's time to go upstairs and I have a different nurse who tells me.. there is a bathroom upstairs you can use and we have bags up there.  So up the elevator I go.  I get upstair go to the bathroom, do my thing and walk back to my bedl  Wait, and wait for a bag, and finally the nurse brings it.  Now I realize that in a hospital they have seen everything, but that doesn't mean I want them to see MY everything.  The bag she brought me was a small clear bag.  Great I thought, the whole world will know I have my underwear.  The other problem with the size of the bag, was the size of my underwear, my granny panties took up most of the bag.  Well they decided the perfect place for the underwear bag would be with my chart.  So every nurse or doctor opens my binder and first thing they see.... yep! my underwear.  They all sorta look at strangely and ask what is this.. I tell them it's my underwear and of couse they want to know why its there so I have to fill them in on the fact I have my period.  Well for those of you that have already read my post about getting my EGD done and the embarresment I caused myself there.. this should make you laugh.  
So in comes my surgeon, Dr. Barker, he opens up the binder.. there sit the large pair of peach underwear, and he says "Is this my tip?"  I just about wanted to die at that moment.  I said "Nope", he says, " I feel like Elvis." I reply " if you were Elvis I would of thrown them at you." at which he  replies , " I take what I can get.".. I was thinking .. someone just shoot me.. get me out of this PLEASE!!! Of course this was a man who was going to see more of my body than most, because most don't see it with the light turned on.. if you know what I mean.
Well there I go into surgery, didn't remember a thing, not the breathing tube or cathader, nothing.  Shortly I was in my room.
I was given a pain pump, which frankly I didn't think really was doing much but the nurses told me it was doing more than I knew.  I got up about 2 am and walked a little, went back to sleep and woke up about 6:30 and walked for about 20 min. and back to sleep I went.  
I remember having a lot of trouble peeing.  I had to go.. but I couldn't.  That freaked me out, and then when I finally was able to go.. it was green.  The nurse said it was from a dye they put in.  
About 8 am they took away my pain pump, and then the pain began.  
I consider myself pretty tough when it comes to most.. and I rarely cry.. but man oh man.. did the tears come.  I had to go and get my upper GI's done.  Getting in and out of the wheelchair was the worst pain.  The damn tech. kept having me sit back down and would them come back and tell me.. whoops we need one more.  She did that about 3 times.  I finally just stood.  I finally got some pain medication about 11 or so.  
I wasn't able to rest due to nurses, techs, the nutritrionist, the dietition, the respitory therapist,  and all the construction they were doing.  Hammers, drills, going the whole morning and afternoon.  Btw, a small piece of advise, try to get a room as far from the nurses station as possible, because once the morning shift comes on.. it sounds like they are having a party.  God forbid it's 6 am and it's a hospital. 
About 3:45 my nurse came in and told me I was going home.   I never did see my surgeon while I was at the hospital, granted his office is on the same property.   After I was released from the hospital I had to visit his office for him to go over some stuff.  Yes I was still in pain when I was there and probably scared most of his potential patients with my tears.  
It's been 24 hours since I've been home and the first 12 were the worst.  I am using my pain medication every 4 hours, but the pain doesn't seem as bad.  The gas pain is pretty much over, and I've finally passed gas today, who would of thought this would be a major accomplishment for me.   I have been drink my fluids and did have some protein today, though not much of  it.  I was full very quickly.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I hope to feel even better.
I'll write back soon!
Stephanie

The one time I get my period on time of course would be the day I'm having my surgery.. ughhhh!  I know this is very common, but I was hoping it wouldn't happen.  I can't wait for the pain meds because I'm having pretty bad cramps.  
I'm just sitting here.. everything done, waiting for my ride to come and pick me up.  I slept really well last night.  I did so much yesterday I wore myself out.  I'm glad, because I didn't think I'd get any sleep.  
I can't say I'm worried, but am a little emotional right now.  I hope I don't start crying!  Soon it will be over and soon after that, I be so happy I did this.  I just know it! 

In less than 24 hours I will have finished (hopefully) my surgery, and begin my journey.  I am feeling so much better today than yesterday.  I think taking all my medications without anything solid was really causing the nausea.  I've spent the day getting my nails done, laundry, cleaning the house, and running those last minute errands.  I'm not really getting nervous more anxious than anything.    I'm just ready to get this thing over and done with. 
While I was getting my nails done I was telling my nail lady about my surgery and another lady told me she had just had it done 4 months ago.  She was really positive so that helped.  I wish I could come home after the hospital, but I'm going to spend a couple days at my Granny's.  I'm going to miss my kitty cats, and I know they are going to miss their momma.  
Well, still have to pack my bag so I've gotta go!
Stephanie