Musicmama88

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The meltdown started this past week, with a feeling of anxiety about my weight and the fact that I havent lost any in weeks. I have watched my water and protein, and carbs, but nothing has changed since I hit that 194 point. I gain a few and bounce back up to 200, then lose a few and bounce back down, over and over and over. It is so frustrating!! I found myself falling back into that old "dieters mindset", talking about it all the time,,thinking about it all the time. Instead of enjoying my success to this point, I was focusing on the fact that i am not smaller everyday now.
I think part of the anxiety is, I am so active in church and in the public eye so much, that I know people are watching me and waiting to see me gain. Thats where some of the anxiety comes from. I have already had one lady ask me if I am still losing, she said I look great. I interpreted that to mean,,I can tell youre not  losing anymore. See how our silly minds work??!
Ive decided to take one day at a time, celebrate my successes and
enjoy life, instead of wasting the days by worrying about tomorrows losses or gains. No, Im not gonna stop watching what I eat and making good choices, but its not gonna be the center of my focus anymore. I know once warm weather gets here, I will be a lot more active and probably see a lot more changes then. So, Ill try to be patient.
I know they told us when we had this surgery, that the mental battle is the worst, but I never really believed it. Well, now I know what they were talking about. There are a ,lot of changes taking place physically, and its hard to adjust to that new person you see in the mirror. The funny thing is,,sometimes I dont see her as changed. I read that that is normal as well. SO, at least I  have the comfort of knowing that I am normal!!
Im still happy with the surgery, and the changes in my life. I can live it now instead of watch it pass me by.I choose to focus on that!

Well, here I am, 17 months post op, and back on track after the holidays. I must admit, they were hard. I fell into some old patterns,,eating ccookies and pie etc. Found out that sugar doesn NOT make me dump, but fats do. I ate a bit of everything. Gained a couple of pounds, but weighed every day just to keep aware of what was going on.
January 2nd I jumped back on the bandwagon,,,cutting carbs and drinking water, and even started riding my bike and exercising. Ole Richard Simmons and I had a grand reunion in the living room. To my delight, the workout was a lot easier to do than it was at 300 plus pounds!! LOL As of today, i weigh 194, my lowest weight yet. Im so excited. 
Mike bought me size 12 dresses for Christmas,,,one fit, the other was a bit tight in the hips due to the way it was made, very straight. But Im working on that. I also got new pjs size Large,,my last ones were 3X,,so I was afraid the new ones wouldnt fit. But lo and behold,,they did!! My youngest daughter, the size 10, said Mom, I even get a size xl, so they are baggy. It was strange buying smaller sizes for my mom!!
Its great being this size. imhaving fun shopping for clothes, and my hubby loves the fact he can walk in and buy something off the rack forme. hesneverbeen able to do that. he has great taste too!! But thebest things are, no joint pain, no depression, havent had a bout of congestive heart failure since surgery. I can climb, I can walk miles, I can jump and run, yes, even at almost 60!! Ivebeen told I look years younger, and to be honest, I feel years younger. this is such a wonderful thing! Now, when I see an overweight person struggling, I want to say,,there is an answer!! But, some folks dont have insurance, and some feel so defeated that they think they are  hopeless. Others fear the surgeryitself, so I say nothing. Unless they ask or mention my weightloss. 
My friends are getting used to seeingme thin now, so the comments arent coming as often. But thats ok, that means Im treated normal!! Im not a topic of conversation anymore. Its still fun seeing folks I havent seen in a long time, and watching their mouths drop. I recently went to theplace I worked for 13 years and my boss passed by. I spoke, and she spun around and when she realized it was me, she said OH MY GOSH!!!!! I DIDNT RECOGNIZE YOU!!! YOU ARE SOOO SKINNY!!!!  needless to say,, I loved it!
Im looking forward to taking off the last 30 pounds. WOrking on it, wanna see what I look like in a size 8. May be too small, but we shall see. I wanna get there just once in my life!!
Ive learned that what they always used to say in Weight Watchers is tru..NOTHING tastes as good as being thin feels!!!!