MyLastDitchEffort

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This is so awesome. I feel ridiculously happy and motivated to keep going. I'm finally seeing the results I've been working so hard for. I've spent the last few months counting calories and exercising more frequently, based on the guidelines fitday.com suggested for weight loss but as C said, a webpage cannot possibly factor in all your personal little details that make you a unique person who needs a unique plan
 So I decided to  really push the calorie budget hard and mimic the weight loss surgery diet.  I am seeing major results and it feels sooo good.
According to OH my BMI is now 49 so I'm officially under 50 which just feels like a real milestone and accomplishment, not gonna lie I'm damn proud.

When I started  last week I was pushing 335 and this morning I was 313. My mini goal is to be under 300 by my anniversary on the 10th of May when C and I are going to see each other for the first time in 3 months. I told him I did not want him to see me like this and I didn't want to see him until I was back to the weight I was when we met, but that's going to be months and months from now and I feel like a 40 pound drop will be significant enough to be noticeable/positive.

I'm nervous and excited. I really miss feeling his arms wrapped around me. I miss the way he used to grab my chubby arms or belly and tell me they were adorable.

We watched a movie together over skype last night too. It was nice, but not the same when we can't cuddle.

Wish things were the way they used to be.

lol oh yah and to those who have sent me PM's recently I'm unable to reply to you until next wednesday XD But I will when I can, and thanks for the support, you're all lovely

I feel disgusting.
I currently have a rash under my fatty stomach apron and in between my thigh. It hurts and it smells bad. My KP is flaring up so my skin on my thighs is ugly. My face is missing in folds of fat.
I'm so lonely.
I broke up with my boyfriend because I'm too embarrassed for him to see me like this. He wasn't touching me anyway, and it hurt too much. The shame is unbarable.
I cry all the time.
I go outside as infrequently as possible because I am ashamed to be seen, and also because it tends to physically hurt a lot.
I'm scared.,
I'm 32 years old and my clock is ticking.
If I cannot lose this weight and fine someone to be in love with me soon I am ending it all.
I can't live like this any more.
I won't live like this anymore.