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Wow, it's been awhile since I've posted anything!  I've been so busy living la vida loca which has been wonderful. 

Tummy Update:  I'm headed towards 18 months post-op and have had no complications.  I love my sleeve!  I can eat a little more, but I don't push it because it will still come up if I do.   The tossing cookies is a good reminder to stay within limits.  I do feel hunger again, but it's only about 10-15% of what I felt pre-op.  I love that my stomach does not growl and have pangs anymore.  I love that I'm in control of my stomach & food versus the other way around. 

Exercise Update:  I'm down to a size 10 and have been that way awhile.  There is still 15 pounds hanging around I would like to lose, but the scale has not been moving much for months.  I think it's because I started running despite my physical therapist discouraging this because of the risk of burning muscle instead of fat.  It was just nice to be able to challenge myself in that way and I used the Couch to 5k iPhone app to train up.  However, when we went on vacation to Florida to visit my Dad, I resumed walking as my husband was with me.  Since we live in the country without sidewalks, it was a joy to walk in Florida on paved sidewalks with warm mornings, sunshine, palm trees and no real hills.  We also biked with my Dad.  Got lots of exercise, but it was a good pace and I actually lost some weight.  So, there is some truth to keeping the exercise moderate.  Since we've been back, I've just continued with vigorous walking on an incline and lifting weights.  I'm getting smaller though the scale isn't changing much. 

NSV Update:  I'm fit.  I'm able.  I'm happy.  My blood pressure yesterday was 116/72 at the dentist.  I wear my husband out.  I can keep up with just about anyone.  The winter wasn't nearly as bad as in the past for seasonal affectiveness disorder (SAD).  I have plenty of clothes that I love.  I easily fit in the airplane seat and was able to cross my legs.  In fact, I cross my legs a lot now and it's not a struggle.  I get stared at in a good way now.  I don't feel like all the public is glaring at me if I eat a cookie in public.  It's great when people don't recognize me.  I know my parents are proud.  My husband has received comments that "he's a lucky guy".  One friend of a friend asked him if I had a sister.  I feel empowered and that's the best feeling.

Still Some Issues:  I still will have occasional nightmares that this is all a dream.  In the dream, I've usually eaten one thing and I'm suddenly 100 lbs heavier again.  I also still do double-takes on myself.  Sometimes, it's good and sometimes it's a bit scary.  I've noticed changes in people too.  Friends I had who were male now seem a little uncomfortable around me as do their wives though they have nothing to worry about.  Some of my heavy friends are more standoffish now.  I have some excess skin, but not as bad as thought.  I still grab & pull it to see what it might look like if I had cosmetic surgery.  One of my cohorts just had some cosmetic surgery after her weight loss and I'm excited for her.  It's not as expensive as those surgeons at the conferences charge, but I still can't justify it when the economy is the way it is.  We'll see what happens in the future.  In the meantime, I'll keep lifting weights and trying to fill out the skin with Sarah Connor-like muscles.  It's all an adjustment, but I wouldn't trade my health and this new life for anything.  

I feel soooooooo blessed, grateful, thankful, excited, empowered, etc!!

News of the Week!

I was whining about wanting a new car to fit the new me, but thought it would be a couple years before it happened.  Well, as my husband said in his Yogi Beara way, "You had an opportunity to take an opportunity."  One morning at Starbucks, I asked Priscilla about her Jeep Wrangler and if she had any problems with it.  Turns out, it was like her 5th Jeep Wrangler in her lifetime and never a problem.  She loved them.  Talked awhile & so I went on-line to do some more dreaming.  Well, our local dealer was having 0% financing for 60 months.  Hmmm.  Toyota never offers 0% financing on the 4-Runner.  So, went & looked, then test drove.  I was surprised at how nice they ride and the new versions have more cushy options now.  So, I wrote up a lengthy e-mail to them about how hard it would be to leave Toyota, but I'd consider it if they took my offer.  Well, they did.  Price was dealer invoice which they showed me (they keep the hold back), 0% financing over 60 months and the max KBB value for my trade-in.  It's big, red & sporty which is outside my comfort zone, but I'm loving it now.  Jack is loving it too though everyone is surprised that I would go for this.  It's that "me" that's been buried and protected for the last two decades.  It's wonderful!  I've had the top off all week!



Also, I hit 185 this morning making it an office 80 pounds down.  It also pushes my BMI to 29.9 which puts me officially in the overweight category instead of obese.  So, I've moved from morbidly obese, to obese to now overweight.  I guess in this sense I can be pleased about being "overweight".



The pants that Mom bought me a couple weeks ago that were still too snug to wear then?  I'm wearing them today.  Got my hair cut off about 4-5 inches to accommodate Jeep hair, working out and a little more bounce.  Colored it a little darker this time as well.  It's been a week of change for sure. 



I'm still increasing my weights for weight-lifting gradually, but it seems to be taking longer.  It's still hard so I must be doing something right.  Definitely have muscle definition in my arms, shoulders & back.  I'm starting to see it in my abdomen & lower legs, but there is still a layer of fat to try to peer through.  The butt, as previously said, will be the last to go and I really don't want to get rid of all my curves.  A little cushion there would still be good. 



Life is good!  TTFN!

Our company has a “Know Your Numbers” program to promote wellness. In fact, we now have to take an annual wellness survey through our health insurance to increase our awareness. It’s confidential, but if we don’t do it, then we have to pay a higher insurance deductible. It’s a sign of the times I guess. Well, I’m working on having my numbers done through our health clinic. I don’t have the blood tests results yet, but I did get a few of them. My BP is 120/80, body fat is 36.3% and weight is 187.6. I’m eager to see the cholesterol levels, triglycerides and blood sugars. They weren’t horrible before surgery, but there was some creep going on.   

I started jogging a little the other day despite the physical therapist (PT) warning against it. I just didn’t feel I was getting to go fast enough on the treadmill. I was certainly sore the next day, but it felt great. However, being a good patient, I called the PT yesterday to get the formal okay. She called back and cautioned against it. The last time I tried, I lost muscle mass. There’s no clinical studies on a correlation. It’s just been her experience and mine as well. She suggested continued postponement, but if I do, I just need to be aware of the possible ramifications. So, I guess I’ll put it off and try to amp things up on the elliptical. I would like to try jogging a 5k at some point, but suppose I have to continue to put that off. My knee would appreciate it also.  

I’ve been a bit of a consignment / thrift store addict lately. I get great deals on clothes, but I have ample clothes now and no need to continue buying anymore for awhile. I have enough for my current size through about 10 more lbs down. It’s just so fun to try on clothes and everything fits! I’m also learning what styles I really like and I can be particular now since there is more to choose from. Mom and I went shopping Monday and she bought me a pair of new pants (non-consignment/thrift). It felt very extravagant since they may only be worn 6-8 weeks, but I love them. I also bought a jacket and couple tanks brand new, but significantly marked down on sale. My husband is eager for me to come out of the bedroom in the morning to see what I have on that day. This morning, he actually came into see me before I was ready. He’s giving lots of ooo’s and aaah’s which I love. He gets so gushy I get a little embarrassed at the attention, but it’s better than the opposite.  

There’s other changes too. I’m a lot more active & more energetic. Things I would never think of taking on before, I do now. Our riding lawnmower is in the shop for repairs and we have an acre of land we use it on. Well, the grass was getting long and I was home alone one day. Instead of going to the gym to get on a treadmill for exercise, I decided to mow the lawn with the push mower. It took me two hours & I was sore the next day, but it felt great. I had my workout tunes/headphones on so it was just like an extra long workout that accomplished another task as well. I would never have considered doing something like that before.  I’m doing it again this afternoon as the rider is still at the shop. I'm actually looking forward to it. We also got the boat fixed up so we can go fishing and crabbing. It’s been a few years since we have, but I’m eager to go do.   

I also would like a new car. My 2000 Camry has been very good to me and is paid for. However, it just doesn’t feel like me anymore. It’s so sensible and non-descript. I would really like a 4-Runner or a Jeep Wrangler. They are more me, but I balk at the idea of a car payment again. The 4-Runner is more reliable as the Wranglers aren’t well-rated, but they are so cool looking. I still battle practicality with desire. The point is my confidence and personality changes is carrying over into other personal choices.  

I’m getting a lot of people now making remarks they don’t recognize me anymore or they do double-takes. There is a lot of staring as if they are trying to make sure it’s really me. Even my husband did a double-take the other day, stating he didn’t recognize me when I came around the corner in our own house. He has looked at old pictures on the computer of me and comments on the dramatic difference. I really haven’t done any looking at old pictures and I’m not inclined to do so at this point.  

I know! I’m babbling! I’ll stop now. Hope everyone else is doing well and enjoying the fruits of their progress. 

I’m entering the 180’s now, having passed the 75 lb weight loss mark. I’m wearing regular sized clothes now and having a blast finding designer clothes at tiny prices at Goodwill and consignment stores. It’s at treasure hunt!   Coworkers who don’t see me on a regular basis have been doing double-takes or tell me they almost didn’t recognize me. I’m still a little uncomfortable with the attention but have learned to just say thank you and I’m still working on it. I tend to dodge the “how” question, but answer it honestly if directly asked. I’m not hiding it, but it’s hard to explain in an elevator ride or in passing going out the door. 
 

I’m still exercising regularly and find I get cranky if I don’t “get to” for a couple days. Last week, we spread bark dust each evening so that was my exercise and not quite as fun as my usual routine. It did work different muscles and I was quite sore. Then, we were at the lake for 4^th of July weekend so didn’t really get a true workout there though there was walking.
   

There was one disturbing encounter over the lake weekend. We ran into my high school friend who had gastric bypass in 2009, about a year prior to the class reunion. The gastric bypass was her second procedure after she admittedly “ate through” the lap band. I know she worked hard in 2009/10 after the bypass and she looked wonderful for the class reunion which was just in August 2010. Though I think she’s a ding-a-ling and drives me nuts, she is one of two people who inspired me to go for it. Well, I was disappointed this past weekend. The people I was with pulled up next to their boat. From the time we pulled up next to them to the time we left, she was eating something and it wasn’t apples. There were pretzels, cookies, processed bologna and chips. Her kids were eating chips, candy, cookies and soda pop. I was amazed and sickened. She had gained weight back and lost any sign of muscle tone. It was disturbing and it was hard for me to look at her let alone talk to her. I just wanted to shake her and yell, “What are you doing?” I know she’s been under stress as she’s taken on a new career that requires her to be responsible plus she has three fairly unruly children. I know the place she went to for her procedure probably didn't focus on the psych preparation as much as mine nor has she put her own psych prep into this.  Insurance paid for both her procedures and she’s taken it for granted. I just don’t get it. It angers me and it terrifies me. I don’t want to be one of them.



I’ve been thinking about her since, but it’s not one of those relationships where I can approach her about it. I’m still trying to absorb it and I want to ensure I don’t let the same thing happen. However, I have noticed slippage with having a drink here & there or chips. Thank goodness I track calories daily so I know when it’s adding up and fortunately, a lot of the sweet stuff just is too sweet and makes me nauseous now. I just have to keep using my “Gotta Do Em’s” list, entering my daily food, exercise & water, and continuously remind myself of this gift I’ve been given. We all do!

We were with friends this weekend at the lake and we went up to the hills for some shooting practice.  The last time I shot trap, the shotgun got heavy very quickly and I had a hard time holding it up.  That was a couple years ago.  This time, the shotgun seemed light and no problem!  Also, I was able to hold it steady and stable as long as I needed to indicating good upper body strength. 

This might be an overshare, but it's a big deal for me who likes to be outdoors, but always had trouble when nature calls.  Because we were up in the woods without facilities, I decided to give it a "go" so-to-speak.  I was able to take care of business without holding onto something, falling over or making a mess.  It's the little things that can be so thrilling.  So, I have good quad strength too!  LOL!!

I had my six month follow-up appointments with the physical therapist and nutritionist yesterday.  They were pleased and I was pleased so it was a big pleasedfest.  The prior concern of muscle mass loss is no longer an issue.  Pumping iron the last three months diligently and taking the supplements they recommended helped bounce it back.  The physical therapist was elated with my body comp and told me to keep up the great work.  The nutritionist had no recommendations for me other than continue what I was doing.  She said I've adopted the behaviors they try to instill.  One of the key things is I keep track of my food, exercise and nutrients in my iPhone app My Net Diary.  It makes tracking calories, protein, water and so on very easy.  They don't need to see me for another six months which will be one year post-op.  I feel a little weird about going that long without follow-up, but I can call them anytime I want.  I'd mainly be interested in seeing the physical therapist as I like knowing the body comp.  However, the doctor's office will do that as well and I can always have the trainer at the gym do it. 

One of the things I’ve been wanting to blog about revolves around our April trip to North and South Carolina. First, I was able to fit in the airplane seat comfortably and the seatbelt was not at the very end of its length. In fact, I was able to cross my legs while sitting in the seat. I wasn’t crowding my husband or anyone else. No one stared at me as I came down the aisle. Amazing!! What a feeling!  

However, what was really eye opening was carrying my backpack. My husband and I travel to Europe a lot and the tours we go on don’t allow anymore luggage than one bag that works as a carry-on. So, because of our training of packing three weeks of travel gear into a backpack, we never check luggage anymore. So, we packed for this trip in our backpacks. Because airlines have become too particular about carry-on size and weight, we weighed our bags on the bathroom scale. My bag weighed in at 55 pounds. It didn’t dawn on me until we were traipsing around the airport that 55 pounds was nearly what I had lost at the time. The bag seemed soooo heavy. By the end of the day, my back , knee and shoulders were hurting. It was like putting my weight loss back on in one day and I couldn’t believe the impact it had. I’ve seen them do similar activities on The Biggest Loser so I got a taste of what they experienced and it has stuck with me. No wonder I couldn’t move as fast. No wonder my knee and back would get sore. It was an eye opener.   

By the way, I bought a sweatshirt while I was in South Carolina that I loved. It was a little snug, but so comfy. It’s now May 30^th and the sweatshirt is too big. It’s now an around-the-house sweatshirt. Woo-hoo and boo-hoo at the same time!

It’s been a number of months since I’ve blogged. I feel a little bad about that and not keeping in touch with OH, but on the other hand, I’ve been busy living life. It’s been on my TODO list for awhile now, but then I got the E-mail today from OH stating I’m six months post-op. It is today that six months ago I was undergoing my surgery and my life was about to take a dramatic turn. I don’t regret it for a minute and it’s a gift I wish I could give anyone who was interested in proceeding though I’m partial to the gastric sleeve over any other procedure.  

I’m 70 lbs down and so much stronger and healthier. I have about another 50 lbs to go according to one of my docs, but I might be happy with 40 lbs. We’ll see as I get there as it’s been so long. My blood pressure was taken the other day and it was 112/76 which is pretty amazing. It’s such a relief to not have diabetes, heart disease, some cancers, stroke, and orthopedic issues hanging over my head waiting to disrupt my world. I’m exercising 5-6 days per week, walking on the treadmill and lifting weights. I remember when 3.5 mph on the treadmill was hard for me. Now, it’s where I warm up and I’m walking at 3.8 to 3.9 mph for 40-60 minutes depending on how much time I have. I’ve been able to increase all my weights on the weight machine and am seeing muscle definition in my back, arms, waist and legs. I’d like to do more or go back to jogging, but I’m obeying the physical therapist’s orders in keeping it moderate for more fat loss and less muscle loss.   

I’m down to a size 16, but nearing a size 14 fairly soon. I’m wearing some “large” clothes now versus extra large which makes me feel more normal. Everyone is noticing now and that makes me a little uncomfortable. I haven’t hidden my weight loss surgery, but I don’t necessarily volunteer it either. It depends on to whom I’m talking and how much time we have. Beginning that discussion in an elevator ride doesn’t give me the time I want.  

Food-wise, I’m doing just fine. I’ve got a routine and it works for me. I am able to eat more than a few months ago, but I’m still able to stay around 1200-1300 calories and be totally satisfied. That’s kind of where I plan on staying until or unless they tell me otherwise. The nutritionist told me to start adding some whole grains like oatmeal a couple months ago so my morning is Starbucks oatmeal and a tall sugar-free cinnamon dolce soy latte. Starbucks is my little luxury and this breakfast is my favorite way to start the day and it fits with my calories. Around 10:00, I have a Premier protein bar which has 30 grams of protein. I’m drinking water as soon as my coffee is gone. Around 1:00, I have lunch and the last couple weeks it’s been Lean Cuisines as they are easy. However, I’ve really noticed they all seem to have rice or noodles. I mainly want protein and veggies so I don’t know how long that will last. I can’t always finish them. Lunch lasts me the rest of the day until dinner which is usually a lean meat and veggie on a small plate. Again, I’m trying to fit in as much water as possible, but work and activities sometimes get in the way. If I still have calories left and I’ve exercised, I may have a little treat in the evening. However, sometimes I forget about it or just not interested. It’s totally different than ever before. I don’t think about it as much. I’ve also gotten much better about learning when I’m about full and stopping so nothing comes back up. Some foods I just need to avoid because they swell in the stomach and then come back. These are mostly bread products of some form.   

Eating out isn’t a problem for us which is important as we do like to dine. We’ve learned which restaurants in our area have great appetizer menus that fit my needs. We frequently have a to go box when we leave and I’ve gotten better about sticking my own Tupperware containers in my purse so I have a reusable container versus the disposable ones.   

Overall, I’m doing really well and I am sooooo happy. If I take a moment to think about where I was at and where I’m at now, I get teary. I had some tears the other day when I found some smaller size clothes in the attic I thought I had gotten rid of. I started trying them on and many of them fit. I burst into tears, overwhelmed with the knowledge of how far I’ve come and how much good this has done for my health and psychological disposition. And, the journey isn’t over yet. 

I love my sleeve. I’m glad I did it. Do not miss the food. Don’t really mind the exercise though I need to do it more consistently. I think I’ve adjusted fairly well. However, I’m tired of pills. I don’t mind itty-bitty bills or chews or sublinguals. I just hate the big horse pills that like to bounce down the walls of my esophagus and then sit there festering in my tummy even if I’ve eaten something. Maybe I’m being mental about it.   

I had my first visit with the endocrinologist today. Support group provided ample warning that his bedside manner is not the greatest. Some of them had thought they were doing really well and then walked out of their appointment in tears. So, I was ready. I didn’t think it was that bad. He was actually very nice and very funny, but he does care about the science of his work. We tend to go in there thinking we are doing great, but then he terrifies us with loss of muscle mass and low metabolism. I knew I was starting out handicapped in this area after my REE last fall. However, I’ve been lifting weights and getting in enough protein. The appointment with the physical therapist last month gave me a heads up I was still losing body mass and needed to work on consistent exercise. Well, it was reiterated today. I not only need to be maintaining my muscle mass, I need to be building it. Weightlifting is actually being given more emphasis than cardio for fat loss. My metabolism is still whacked out. I’m losing weight but a portion of it is still muscle mass. So, guess what? I have more pills to take to help my metabolism and I will be doing more tweaking of my workout routine.   

Thank goodness I didn’t do bypass or it would likely be more! Here is my prescription/supplement regime for the next six months:  

1 sublingual B-12 (no problem with it)
2 calcium chews (I can deal)
1 small Vitamin D (I can deal)
1 horse pill Centrum multi-vitamin (recommended brand-stupidly bought Costco bottle)
1 horse pill gall bladder medication every other day
6 tablet-sized Ephedrine to help metabolism
6 horse pill L-Creatine Fulmate supplement to help metabolism
1 tablet-sized Biotin (my choice)  

I dreaded getting my multi-vitamin and gall bladder medication in. Now, add 13 more pills to that. I’d say a bad word, but I’ll leave it at “sheesh!” All this, as I’m about to go on vacation where there is no gym and I’ll be hauling bottles of pills around, one of which is a key ingredient for making meth. Explain that one to airport security!  

At the February session with the psychologist, Dale asked me a question I found puzzling. He asked me if I had started to view obese people differently yet. I wondered what kind of question was that and blew it off. I was almost offended on behalf of obese people. Why in the world would I look at them differently? I was one of them and had been for a long time. They were “my people” and I understood them. We all understand each other. We’re here for one another. What the hell kind of question was that?  

Well, his question may have been a little early in my case, but it was not unreasonable. Yesterday, I was getting a pedicure in preparation for our vacation next week. About half way through, a woman comes into the quiet salon. She is huffing and making loud sighing noises as it apparently took much effort to get to and through the door. Everyone looks up to see a very sizable woman, likely well over 400 pounds and probably in her mid to late 50’s. She tells the receptionist she is there for a massage and pedicure. She was told it would be a few minutes so she could have a seat if she liked. She announced she would stand as it would be too hard to get back up. When there was a spot available for her, it took at least two minutes for her to shuffle from the front of the salon to the back where the pedis are done. This walk resulted in her being short of breath and grunting at the exertion or pain. There was a significant amount of effort and assistance needed to get her into the chair and adjust her legs as she couldn’t lift them herself. I didn’t watch, but it was all heard.   

Because her voice carried and she was nearby, we were all privy to her conversation with the employee. She was getting ready to go on a 14-day cruise to Hawaii with her sister and brother-in-law. They had gone on other cruises before which she noted. My husband and I have been on several cruises so I know what they entail. There is maneuvering to do with hauling luggage, stairs at the terminal, the gangplank into the ship and all the walking that needs to be done on the ship to go to and fro. I was a little taken aback at her plans given the trouble she had just walking in the salon. I started to be aware of my own feelings and perception. After my pedi was done, I was moved to the drying light which was kitty corner from the woman. At this point, I was able to see just how massive her legs were, how the folds of fat from her thighs hung over her knees and the significant swelling of her feet. I couldn’t look any further.   

I thought about her the rest of the day. I was puzzled and disturbed at my feelings. On one hand, I felt fear for her as I know how people stare, particularly on cruises. She was going to stand out of the crowd given her size and lack of physical ability. They will scrutinize her at every meal, every time she gets into the elevator, and everyplace she goes. Would she go onto the pool deck? How would she fit in the seats for any of the shows? The showers on cruise ships are too small for someone 275 pounds let alone someone of her size. How would she manage? I was almost panicked.   

Then, on the other hand, I was frustrated she would let it get so bad. I was frustrated the pedi attendants had to help lift her legs. I couldn’t understand letting it get to the point where she could barely ambulate.  Then, I felt guilty for having these feelings. I felt fear I may be losing my empathy for people of size. I don’t want to become an insensitive skinny person who fails to recognize the trials and tribulations of the obese or how hard it is to fight the daily battles. I still have been trying to absorb this encounter. I’ve been there and I don’t want to forget. I’m reminding myself to stay in touch with where I’ve come from to retain empathy, to never forget and to also value what I’ve gained.