Oops on Telling Coworkers

Oct 11, 2010

I’ve been taking baby steps on telling family and friends about my plans. Thus far, everyone has been very supportive. However, I really haven’t told many people. More friends know than family.    Before all this recent WLS activity, I had talked about the idea with a coworker who underwent lap band surgery. She was a wealth of information about options in our area. Her pod mates were very supportive of her decision and were privy to my interest given I was over there talking with her. So, they have known from the beginning and have kept it in confidence. I’m grateful to them as discretion can be a challenge in an office environment. 



I’ve devoured any post on the forums pertaining to sharing WLS plans with coworkers. It seems most don’t say anything, but eventually it comes out. I did tell my supervisor as he needs to know for FMLA and my plans to be off three weeks. I suppose I didn’t need to tell him what surgery I was having, but it’s hard for me to not be forthcoming with the truth. His reaction was typical for being in management and consistent with his personality. Though he didn’t express any opinion (and I’m glad), he’s been kind, understanding, discreet and accommodating. I needed that from him and appreciate his handling.



I work closely with a few people and we have worked well together so I didn’t think it would be much of an issue sharing my news with them. They know my other coworker who underwent WLS. However, I did wait until last week to tell them. A conversation was occurring and it seemed the right time to mention it to them. I’ve been a little surprised with the reaction or lack of reaction. The one female coworker whom I’m the least close to was supportive in a “who cares what anyone chooses to do” style. That works for me. My two male coworkers who I do feel a higher level of camaraderie with had nothing to say. I’m getting that feeling now they want to make sure they don’t say anything wrong. Do I really give off that kind of vibe? They know me better than that.  Needless to say, I’m feeling a little punched in the gut and I regret saying anything. 



There is a little more to the context though. The type of work we do involves health care and injuries. Our ability to do our work is hampered by clients with obesity issues. Thus, conversations often occur regarding how to handle a situation where obesity is an issue. Sometimes, the conversations are not entirely constructive. This is one of the reasons I sometimes want to crawl under a desk. However, I’ve become quite skilled at keeping a straight face and talking about it objectively. So, for anyone in our industry to pursue WLS, there may be a certain hush or subdued reaction at the topic. This is that silent stigma and discrimination that obese individuals are always aware of, but still seems accepted in today’s world. This is why I admire my coworker for paving the way and being open about her journey. I’m probably being way more sensitive and read more into individual reactions, but I don’t think I’ll be sharing my news with anyone else at work anytime soon. So much for my initial lofty intentions of sharing my story to raise the awareness of others. 



If I’m sensitive now, wait until those hormones get released from the fat cells into the blood stream post-operatively. I will have to keep my head down and my mouth shut.



UPDATE:  One of my coworkers and I talked this morning when we were by ourselves.  He's happy for me, but just concerned about the potential complications.  I feel better now.  Thx RW!  My husband also pointed out last night that decent guys just don't always know what to say and I should cut them some slack. 

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