455lbs

Aug 03, 2011

No movement.

As I mentioned in my last post, my surgeon is perplexed and concerned about why I haven't lost any weight.  Since then I saw my primary care physician (PCP) and she was concerned as well but not as much.  I told her a few weeks ago that I haven't lost weight in a while but she chalked it up to a plateau.  She has started to come around now that its been six weeks and I have lost a total of five pounds.  I have already gone on the record stating my apathy and after meeting with both physicians, I am even more apathetic.

My surgeon believes I have to eat less and exercise more.  On a good day, I eat 400 calories so I am not sure how effective that would be.  My PCP beleves I should eat more to build up my metabolism.  There is a reason why I can only eat 400 calories on a good day - because I can't stomach any more.  I wish both physicians would get on the same page but my faith in each one faded a long time ago.  I will continue to do what both ask but when they suggest something that clashes with the recommendation of the other, I will rely on my body to determine what to do.  For instance, I am not going to eat more when I'm just going to throw it up minutes later.  My PCP also recommended that maybe I should shorten the time between eating and drinking.  Wow, what horrible advice.  First - it defeats the purposes since there will be minimal absorption and second, I dare her to try it.  I tried it and I felt horrible for the next day.  Ugh, I don't know what to do anymore.

I did reach out to Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield and they only gave me canned responses.  While that does not help me, I am not upset with them.  They are an insurance company and the nurses and dietitians who work for them are limited in what they can say.  I know they will do whatever they can to help but they have to do so within certain parameters.  Take for example, I asked the nurse if she could recommend a different physician and she said she could not because the insurance company can't show favoritism.  While it isn't the response I expected, at least they have been consistent.  I don't feel the same about my surgeon and PCP.  Prior to surgery, they seemed to have all the answers or at least they could get back to you with more information at a later date.  Now, they pretty much have shrugged their shoulders and sent me on my way.

Eh, whatever.  I can take solace in knowing I'm doing my part. I'm just tired.  Since May, I have seen doctors anywhere from once a week to three or four times a week and thus far I have heard more bad news than good news.  So instead of dwelling on it, I have chosen not to care anymore.  Whatever happens, happens.  One doctor think that is a sign of depression and I said that was "bullshit (my exact verbiage)." I just think I have accepted the situation for what it is and I am going to move on.  The doc retorted frustration or anger would be a much more healthier reaction but what is the point of getting angry or frustrated?  When I said that, guess what response I got?

A shoulder shrug.

2 Comments