oneblessed_mamma

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Since it has been a long while since I last posted I thought I would take a moment. Nothing new! :) Well, that's not entirely true. I have lost a few more pounds which is to be expected. Slowly but surely. I have received so many comments on how skinny I am getting yet the scale is telling me I'm still fat. Hmmm. My clothes have gone down 4 sizes so I guess I'm losing somewhere. Maybe it's my personality that people notice most now that I have become more comfortable being thinner. Maybe they don't concentrate on how uncomfortable and depressed I was so they think I'm skinny. I think the only complaint I have today is my hair is falling out. Stress plays a large roll in this occurrence but so does weight loss. It had just been a while so I thought I would update and say nothing new going on here.

Dealing with Lupus and Sjogren's is difficult in and of itself but to add Gastric Banding to that mix...UGH. I didn't really get into details with my physicians prior to surgery so I didn't know what to do if I hit a bad flare. Why would I be so worried? Well, bariatric patients shouldn't take NSAIDS or Aspirin or drugs that are most commonly used to treat Lupus and Sjogren's. Tylenol doesn't do much for me after having been on the steriods and such. I hit a wall today with this flare. I ache, my whole body has swollen, I am retaining a ton of water, and my vision is blurry. What should I do? I can follow an anti-inflammatory diet but it is a little late in the game for that and it is not an overnight success. I need immediate relief. I can take steroids since I was banded but they are still dangerous. I can look for an alternative to prednisone but that will take some research. For now I shall retreat to my room, take some pain medication, and off to la la land for a while. When I awake I hope to be energized and ready to face the weekend. Yeah right. If anyone would have suggestions on foods, prednisone alternatives, etc I am all ears. I hate not losing weight because of the water retention. No one said this would be easy or fair.

I heard from several of the bypass patients that there are "Wow moments" but I didn't think I would have one. I got dressed for work like any other day and my pants that I haven't been able to wear for 8 yrs actually fit me. I was pleasantly shocked. Then I get to work and everyone who has been working with me the past 3 yrs makes comments to me like "Hey, who is that?", "how is the incredible shrinking woman today?", "You are looking really good", "What a difference in your face and overall look". Talk about a WOW moment. I am the lowest weight I have been in 8 yrs. I love it. People say that I glow now. I haven't had that glow since I was pregnant and that quickly went away. This is here to stay. I feel so much better.

I can breathe again. Taking the fill out was exactly what I needed. I can now eat what I was before the fill and not get sick. I don't have that horrible pain after I eat or even drink water. I feel normal again. Well, as normal as one can be after a surgery like this. :) It was nice to have the surgeon sit in the room and wait on me to convince him I was ok. He took the time to hear my concerns and answer all my questions. He did one poke and got the port! That was a huge feat in itself. I left the office feeling like nothing had really changed then I ate lunch and wow what a difference I felt. I didn't want to eat but I knew I had to in order to prove my point. I have gone back to losing weight again and pain free. Getting very small fills is the key. Overfills hurt like all hell.

I go in tomorrow a.m to have an x-ray done. I feel so tight all the time it isn't funny. What have I done? One of my surgeon's tells me to wait it out, the other tells me to get in right away and see if the band has slipped. OMG!! So after a week of being uncomfortable all day long every day I finally get to see what the problem is. I think my band was filled too full. My surgeon thinks the band may have slipped. I am praying it is just too full. I can't afford any more time off work to go in for a repair. I can't emotionally afford it either. I have been asked by 8 different people this week "Do you regret having it done?" I can honestly say NO I have no regrets. This is just a little bump in the road. I have fabulous support from family and friends and great support from co-workers. I can't wait to see the x-ray and what is really going on. More to come tomorrow when I get some results...

Ok so I get my first fill on the 13th. I get 1 cc and 3 days later I am in agony. I can't get my food down past my throat. I can't throw it back up. I hurt so bad all I can do is cry. What have I done? That thought just rings loudly in my head. I make a call to my surgeon and he is out with the virus that is going around. I can't get in until Thursday morning. Ouch!! I have been filled too much. I was doing very well with no fill at all so back to that I go. Wow I had no idea how bad one could hurt with an over fill. Good communication is the key. You have to be in close contact with your surgeon. I pray this gets resolved when they take the fill out.

Wow the days are getting long. I go for my first fill this tuesday. I have had serious doubts emotionally about my decision. What have I done? Was this the right thing for me to do? Is this really worth it? Will I slip into another addiction once I reach goal? All these questions running through my head all while watching my family enjoy a large meal of pizza, salad, soups, iced tea, pepsi, and dessert at the end. My boss brought in an ice cream cake as a celebration and she walked around to each of our desks with a piece. She got to mine and tip toed in. I respectfully said thank you but I cannot have that. It wasn't that I was hungry it was the emotion behind it. I couldn't celebrate with them the way they were celebrating. That hurt. I have to find new ways to connect with people. In my heart I know I did the right thing. I know this was something I had to do to save my life. My heart knows these things but my head is doubting. My eyes see one thing and my heart knows another. I was also asked at work if I have begun grieving. Crazy question. Of course I have. I don't get to eat the same things as my family. I don't get to celebrate with friends around or with food. I have to figure out what to turn to instead of food. Ugh. Getting banded was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I believe that deep into my soul. I just have to get past this grief. I have to be real with myself and those around me who are very supportive.

I came to the realization today that I will never eat the same again. My friends and co-workers are so thrilled at my success. A couple of them are contemplating seriously the same procedure based on my success. We all sit at work in our own little cubbies and we talk about what's for lunch, what we had for dinner, and oh my gosh are we hungry. The commercials on the radio are for the next special at Olive Garden, Chapala's, or the grand opening of the new movie theatre with fresh buttered popcorn. Oh do I remember the days of eating a large popcorn all by myself and going back for seconds because the large comes with free refills. Now I can only sit and watch the movie. No popcorn, no pop, no candy. Ugh. My one cup of soup for lunch and/or dinner is crazy. I never dreamed that would fill me up. I keep pressing forward with the support of family, friends, and co-workers.

Ok so the surgery went off without a hitch. I went in on 1/31 weighing 256. Two hours after my surgery the nurses had me up and walking the halls. I was in no pain thanks to my "girls best friend button". It wasn't until I received my evening meal that I realized what I had done. I thought to myself there is no way this is going to fill me up. A 1/4 cup of broth and some tea. I surprisingly couldn't finish it. I spent the night in the hospital with fabulous staff to watch over me. By the time my surgeon's arrived I had been up walking around 6 times. They were pleasantly surprised and let me go home. Once I got home the pain hit me. It wasn't a pain from the Lap Band it was from my staples. I was pierced in areas that didn't have an incision. Those were painful. I was managing very well with my fluid intake and my liquid diet. I managed to drop 13 lbs at my 2 week post op visit. I had no true problems that I knew of until I started feeling that sensation of "I am NOT FULL." I craved something crunchy and couldn't stand it that my husband and kids were having normal foods right in front of me. I was released to stage 3 at my 2 week post op visit but quickly found out I was not ready. Per the Inamed Patient Handbook Lap Bandsters are supposed to be on liquid/mushy foods for the first 6 weeks. My surgeon's don't know this apparently. Then shortly after returning to work I came down with the nasty cold/flu that everyone in the Eugene/Springfield area has. Again, according to the Manufacturer Handbook vomiting can lead to serious complications. My nurse wasn't aware of this fact and told me to go on as if I didn't have the Lap Band. 24 hours later I was in the hospital with severe dehydration and severe flank pain. I now weight 238 thanks to the flu but it took hospital intervention to get me hyrdrated again to where I could manage. I love having the Lap Band but would have thought it out a little more had I known the real facts about it. I was only the 5th Lap Band my team of surgeon's had ever done. That should have told me something but I was so eager to get the surgery I didn't care at the time. I welcome any suggestions on diet since my nurtritionist is very knowledgeable in the gastric bypass diets not the Lap Band. I feel like the lone ranger here following the manufacturer's guidelines.