Three Months...

Aug 06, 2010

As of yesterday, I am officially three months out.  My brain is split and each side is arguing with the other.  Half is saying, "Is that ALL?!" and the other half is saying, "Three months ALREADY?!".  I feel like I've had a lifetime of changes between my surgery date and now.  My job moved from one campus to another.  My wardrobe has all but completely changed.  I look so different in my face.  I'm one class away from completing my masters degree.  I'm in the process of applying to a doctoral program. 

But, on the other hand, it feels like no time has gone by at all.  It's a paradox, I know.

So, where am I?  Well, I weighed about 2 weeks ago and at that time, I'd lost exactly 60 pounds.  Am I happy with that?  Heck yes I am!  60 pounds in 2.5 months?  Pshhhh... way better than I was expecting!  

But, I'm a worrier.  I keep thinking it's all going to stop soon.  Something is going to happen and my weight loss will come to an abrupt halt and I'll be stuck looking at bins full of donated clothes that will never fit.  I worry that my body is some kind of super adaptor and is going to too quickly learn what I've done to it and figure out how to absorb every calorie of every morsel of food that I eat.  I worry that I can eat too much.  

Oh, hey, guess what.  I'm still easily distracted.  Let's make lists...

Things that feel different:

My car feels huge. My arm no longer touches the door.  My butt fits down into my bucket seat, not across it.  My seatbelt is REALLY LONG!  I've had to move my seat up and forward.  I've had to adjust my mirrors.

My bed feels really big!  I take up a lot less of it than I used to.  I have a queen and I feel like a princess in it.  The mattress feels new because there's less of my body between me and it.  I weigh the mattress down less which changes the way it feels pushing back up against me.  I used to sleep on two pillows and now it just bends my neck uncomfortably because my body lays so much lower.  I lay my hand across my hip and I think to myself that I wouldn't feel self conscious about a man wrapping his arm around me while spooning.

My clothes feel different every day.  Hey, I'll say it.  My panties might as well be parachutes.  It's not A panty line... it's 10 panty lines because they're all bunched up inside my pants.  I'm wearing clothes I used to hate myself for... they never fit before.  Now I can take put them on and off without buttoning or unbuttoning them.  They hang right.  I look taller.  I FEEL taller.

That ultra personal thing that people shouldn't talk about... yeah.... that feels different too. 

Oh, and I can take a quick picture of my face with my camera phone and like just about every single one.  Nice.

I can stand in heels for longer periods of time.

I can walk and walk and walk and walk and walk.  Distances seem shorter now.  I no longer think, "Oh gawd... I have to walk all the way over THERE?!"



New list... things I worry about:

I'm losing some hair.  I have tons of hair, but it's always been a source of pride for me.  Losing it is freaking me out.  I see my hair everywhere.  I know it's mine because it's about 3 feet long.  I find pieces of it wrapped around my body or intertwined between my fingers.  I don't even like looking at my brush every morning after getting ready for work.  Please stop soon.

I worry that I'm not getting in enough protein.  I do my shakes and I eat things like chicken and tuna and whatnot.  Even my carbs are good.  I eat quinoa instead of rice.  But... my hair is falling out.  So, I doubt everything about my nutrition.

I worry that I forget my vitamins too often. At the very least, I generally get my morning vits in.  It's easier to forget about my night time doses.  And weekends are the worst.  I've paired vits with getting ready for work or class.  If I'm not doing that, I forget about them completely.  I didn't do this to be unhealthy and I don't want to go down that vitamin deficiency path.

I worry that people will change how they think about me.  For some reason, I'm afraid that they'll suddenly expect more from me than I've ever had to deliver before. 


New list... Things I've learned:

SUGAR FREE DOES NOT EQUAL BARIATRIC FRIENDLY.  Not, not, NOT!  Backstory... my sons got braces yesterday.  They made me promise I'd take them to a nearby candy factory prior to their bonding.  So, this past weekend, I did that.  The candy factory has a fairly large sugar free section.  I figured, what the heck, and I bought some SF gummies and chocolates and some nuts.  After spending an obscene amount of money on candy, we all pile back into my car to head home.  While driving, I crack open my little bag of SF peach ring gummies.  This factory is famous for its amazing gummies and they didn't disappoint.  These things were soooooo goooooood.  Like, close your eyes while driving good.  And I had a few.  Enjoyed each and every one.  Later that night, my body delivered a verdict I shan't soon forget.  Absolutely, under no circumstances am I to have SF gummies.  I can't describe the horror.  I can't bear to relive it even in memory.  It took me two days to get over the effects.  SF gummies are the Devil.  What leaves your body is surely Satan's spawn.  Do not eat sugar free gummies.

I've learned that there are few indulgences worth the consequences.

I've learned that my body feels amazing when I've fed it a good solid protein like chicken.

I've learned that skim milk really is delicious!  Who knew?!

I've learned that being hit on by random strangers is awkward.

I hope to learn how to handle that better.

I've learned that the memories I had of having great big eyes and big puffy lips weren't false memories.  Those features were just swallowed up by a giant face. 

I've learned that I have a NECK!  It's curves in from my head and out to my shoulders and everything!

I've learned that sleep can be hit or miss.  It seems like sometimes my body wants nothing more than to shut down and at other times, it seems like it's too busy to bother with sleep and I end up laying here.... on my bed.... blogging.


I think I'll force the issue and at least shut off the computer and lamp and just be here in the dark.  My brain will get the message soon enough.  Goodnight, dear reader(s).  Goodnight, my one "fan" who asked me to write again.  I thank you for pulling me back into it.  It really is a good tool for staying on track and reflecting on experiences.

Oooooh, thunder.  Sleeping may be easier than I thought.  :)

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