Pound4Pound
...my life flashed before my eyes...
Aug 15, 2009
I was overwhelmed the other day by a wave of emotion. It amazes me how we can lie to ourselves for so long that it becomes the truth. I have been telling myself since forever that being obese is OK.I thought back to the times in school. All the girls that ignored me. All the girls that were my "friends". My lunch table was me and 9 girls. They loved being around me. They loved it when I made them laugh. They just didn't love me. I was the fat boy. Not worthy of love. But I was OK with it.
We went several times to Six Flags Over Georgia on school trips. I clearly remember watching all my friends ride all the roller coasters and have so much fun. I watched from the side lines because those rides were not built to accommodate this fat boy. It didn't bother me then. I had convinced myself it didn't matter. But now all of a sudden it does matter. I've taken my kids to the same amusement park and I'm still forced to watch from the outside. I want to be sitting right next to my children hearing them scream. Watching their faces light up with joy.
My whole life flashed before my eyes. All the things I missed out on. All the school dances I was too embarrassed to attend. All the years spent being the "big fat funny friend".
I'm just venting right now and trying not to cry about it. I am finding it rather therapeutic right now to simply write it out. It wasn't OK. It totally sucked.
Now I'm almost 40 years old and I can get over it. Right now all I want is to be healthy, and mobile, and free. Free from this heavy ass body that has been holding me back.
I want to be all I can be for the woman I have in my life that loves me in spite of. My size has never mattered to her. I find it hard to believe a lot, but deep down I know she loves me.
I want to frolic with my kids until THEY run outta gas. My 5 year old boy started playing football and there isn't one tough bone in his body. That is my fault. I've never been able to get down in the dirt with him and make him tough. I cannot wait to play a wrestle and rough house with him. That is what daddies are supposed to do. I will make it there.
Oh. And I will make it back to Six Flags one day. I'm coming with a vengeance too. I'm gonna ride EVERYTHING until the wheels fall off. It will be MY day of reckoning.
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT:
After a year of "playing the game" I finally have been blessed with a date for my Duodenal Switch surgery. As it stands right now I will be switched on September 02, 2009 in Marietta, Georgia by the fabulous Dr. Dennis C. Smith Jr. I will forever be grateful to each and every one of you beloved people out here on this forum. I have no idea how people survive this without you. I hope that my arrival onto the darkside makes me a true DS warrior like so many of you are. I want to pay it forward and be there for the others too. I hope to be an inspiration to some newbie one day. I also hope I carry this torch well and can makee all you vets proud of me. I know the seriousness of the DS and I will not let you guys down. Thank you one and all.
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About Me
Prattville, AL
Location
26.2
BMI
Surgery
11/06/2009
Surgery Date
Oct 14, 2008
Member Since
