Emotional Journey

Feb 22, 2010

I started this journey December 19, 2008.  I still have weight that I want to lose, but I am learning that the most difficult part is dealing with the emotional issues that caused me to gain the weight in the first place. 

People always refer to childhood when they search for answers to why they act the way they do.  Well I had an amazing childhood.  My parents have been happily married for over 40 years, my two older brothers treated me great.  So, I shouldn't have any problems, right?  WRONG!  I have always been a perfectionist.  The more weight I lose, the more I realize just how much this is a problem for me.  I have always been a very disciplined person in every way...except with eating. 

What recently caused me to start thinking about my emotional issues is the fact that I have been struggling to lose more weight.  Not to mention I'm getting married in June and feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster.  It seems that for much of my life everyone has expected me to be responsible.  I always knew the right way to act, the right things to say, and the right people to be around.  While I was a perfectionist on the outside, my world was spiraling out of control on the inside.  The better it looked to the outside world, the worse it got on the inside.  It seemed as though I was constantly worried about one thing or another.  When I didn't want to worry about anything anymore I found solace in food.  I mean, who can worry while eating ice cream, pizza, or a hamburger?  I held everything inside, never fully letting anyone know how I felt. 

This seemed to work for me during high school and college, but the weight really piled on during graduate school.  Two years of grad school and 75 pounds later, I realized I had a problem.  I guess it never really occured to me that so much of my weight gain was connected to my emotional health.  You would think I would know this since I'm a counselor, but it's so much easier to help other people than to deal with your own problems.  I will never be perfect.  I realize that now.  I can only strive to be the best person I possibly can.  In the 14 months since my surgery, I have learned a lot about myself.  I am learning how to cope with my problems rather than drowning my sorrows in food.  I'm learning how to communicate my feelings to others especially my fiance.  There are times when I still get anxious, but I'm learning to deal with it more effectively.  I may not be perfect, but God's perfect peace is sufficient for me!!!

Be blessed!

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