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Met with the nutritionist today and Dr Tran, the other surgeon in the practice.  Anita, the main office person suggested instead of yet another trip on Monday for my final before surgery I should just see him.  I'm glad I did.

He talked about what they possibly might do, answered some questions and I feel really excited and good about the surgery. 

Brittany, the nutritionist was very helpful.  Things have changed since I had my original surgery 8 years ago but I have the gist of it.  She gave me some literature to go through and we talked about all kinds of things.  Very very helpful. 

Oh the official tally is 13.7 pounds lost.  Brittany seems to think I'll be down25 by next Wednesday.  I think thats crazy! 

Had my pre-surgical clearance yesterday and all went well as far as I could tell.  He signed me off and put me back on thyroid meds.  I told him I felt like crap since going off them.  He said even thought my numbers were 'in range' they were likely in range because I was ON the thyroid meds.  Duh.  But he said the bloodwork wasn't the only indication and I probably operate better with a higher level which can be attained with the meds. 

According to his scale I've only lost 10 pounds, but according to my home scale I'm down like 17 today.  I guess we'll see tomorrow when I weigh at Dr Halmi's office.  I have my nutritionist appointment tomorrow and I'm interested to see how that goes.

The liquid diet isn't bothering me so much any more.  I had to turn down a lunch invite for a friends birthday on Friday.  I will be miserable watching them gobble down mexican food and drinking Patron margaritas while I sip water.  No thanks.

A few people have said they can see weight loss in my face and shoulders.  I can feel it all over.  Yesterday while lying on the dr's table he asked to see my panniculectomy scar and I was able to slide my dress pants down past my panniculectomy scar without unbuttoning or unzipping them.  That was cool.

Last night I did the elliptical for 10 minutes.  I used to be able to do it for an hour (way back when I exercised regularly).  Yea, I thought I was going to pass out.  My knees were total jello when i got off of it.  Today though my knees and back feel fine, I really thought they'd be really pained.  Especially since I can't have my lovely daily aleve any more.  But no.  I feel inspired now :)

Later this afternoon I go for my surgical clearance with my general practicioner.    After that, I have to check in with the Nutritionist on Thursday and then Dr. Halmi on Monday and then surgery.  I am so so ready for this to happen.

I'm feeling good about it.  Positive, excited.  The liquid diet still sucks in a big way but I've lost about 15 pounds, thats assuming the scales at home are correct.   I'll get weighed today but when I weigh on Thursday at the surgeons office, that's when I'll know a true weight, then I can adjust my home scales to that one and have an accurate forward account.  Wow that was a runon sentence.

I've been consuming about 760 calories a day which is about 200 fewer than the plan I was put on calls for.  I'm going to try and get it up to the 960 I'm supposed to.  After surgery it's going to drop again by a few hundred and I don't want to bottom out weight loss before even having surgery.  Does that make sense?

I've been looking at lots of Before and After pics on here and one thing that gets me is the distinct difference in faces.  I like my face and don't want to not look like me.  Of course, i felt the same way before my original gastric bypass 8 years ago.  In my mind is burned this clear image of the last face shot before surgery.  Someone took it 2 days before surgery.  My hair was a little shorter, dark red and I had a great big smile.  But my features were hidden beneath so much fat.  It's weird to remember that pic...at the time thinking it was a good picture of myself but now looking at it and knowing it was horrible.

Anyway, not sure how I'll end up looking.  I just want to not be in excrutiating pain every day.

This morning on the way into work, I stopped at the LabCorp nearnest my house to do blood work.  They open at 7.  I got there at 7:05.  There were 22 people in line...22.  At 7.  Wow.  I couldn't wait because I really needed to go to work so I decided I'll go tomorro at 6:30 and get it done then.  At least it'll be saturday and I can go home and take a nap :)

Called the insurance company on the way in because after the thing about my pre-op testing I didn't want any surprises like a 2,000 co pay when i go to the hospital.  As it turns out, my hospital stay, all tests I need and my surgeon and anesthesiologist are covered at 100%.  I am absolutely amazed.  I figured I'd be paying at least a small co-pay. 

So I weighed myself yesterday, I lost 5.5 pounds.  But that was on a scale at my house, not sure how it will compare at the doctor's office next week.  Can't wait.

Although...this whole liquid diet thing.  I decided to cheat yesterday.  Campbells Healthy request chicken noodle soup has fewer calories and fat than the soup packets from OptiFast.  The soup isn't bad from them its just eeeh.  So I decided to have something much better tasting.  Of course, it has fewer grams of protein as well. 

So anyway now I know why it's important to drink their soup...campbells soup...does not make you feel full very long.  lol.  So I've decided to stop cheating or at least maybe substitute one soup for a shake.  Those shakes aren't awful but I just...oh man I'm in trouble if I can't keep to this.

I do remember after my first surgery I really liked drinking the broth from chicken noodle soup, it was so comforting and tasted good and it was on the list of approved foods at the time.  Can't wait to meet with the nutritionist next week to find out the change from 8 years ago to now on the approved and unapproved foods. 

I am so ready to have surgery.  I need to go tomorrow on the way in to work and get my blood work done and that should have me finished.  This morning I called my surgeons office and found out they had not received my gallbladder sonogram report from my primary care physcian.  Called their office and got it resolved.  I had this feeling the last time I called the girl who I spoke to would not actually fac it over and she didn't!  lol. People never fail to amaze me.

My boyfriend is so awesome, he is on a diet beginning yesterday.  he said since I have to suffer, I shouldn't do it alone.  He says he needs to lose 15 pounds so this is as good a time as any.  I was really happy he did that, he's so supportive I consider myself lucky. 

Speaking of diets, this liquid diet thing SUCKS.  Big time.  I know its for the good and I'll be doing it again after surgery but yea still sucks.  Just thought I'd share that with you guys. 

Yesterday I had my pre-op testing and it was a minor nightmare.  The hospital apparently contracts out for pre-op testing...when its not an outpatient procedure.  Got into an argument with the people at LabCorp.  I didn't like the one girls snotty attitude, plus in all fairness I was starving (had been fast for Upper GI since the night before and it was after 1 pm.  All I could taste in my mouth was barium and ick).

I got the blood work thing settled, I'm going tomorrow morning on the way to work with NEW orders and to a different branch.  Can't really show my face back at the other one.  lol. 

The whole day ended up being a waste and utterly frustrating.  It was super disappointing because I needed to be at work by 1 and I didn't even get done with my stuff til 2:30 and by the time I would have gotten to the office, it would have been about an hour.  Wasted day.

On the up side, all the medical professionals I encountered were amazing.  Apparently the hospital I'll be in is a really well ranked Bariatric facility (well for bariatric surgery).  We'll see.  The pre-surgical testing nurse was wonderful.  She was a post-op of about 6 years and she looked fantastic.  She reiterated all the things I need to know, stuff I'd long forgotten and I felt so...inspired after leaving.

I began my liquid diet today.  Joy.  I really think I just want to chew on something so I busted into the little nutrition bar and took 2 bites, that seemed to make my mouth happy, or my psyche.  I didn't drink much of my morning strawberry drink and only hate half the chicken soup at lunch.  I am optimistic I can do this, just have to be vigilant and know this is for the best.

Today my head is swirling about with worries.  Tomorrow I head to the hospital for all the pre-op testing, that doesn't concern me.  What concerns me is failing again.

Silly?  I know.  I lost 220 pounds the first time but it wasn't enough.  Een my surgeon says that was a colossal amount of weight and was exactly what was to be expected. 

I keep hearing him say I 'might lose another 70 pounds or so' and I can't help but worry that'll be all.  I really do not want to go through with a revision for 70 pounds.  It's better than gaining 70 pounds lol.  But still.  70 pounds when I need to lose probably 200 MORE pounds seems so insignificant.

Friday night I went out for my birthday.  I know I'm in total fat denial and think I have a super model body when I don't but the pics of me sitting down..wow.  I had no idea I spread out that much.  My hips and rear are really wide but holy smokes.  I haven't really felt fat...not like what I looked like.

And I have this most amazing, incredible boyfriend and I saw pics with him lovingly touching me and stuff and I wonder if and how this is going to impact me.  My weight has never ever been an issue for him, it never has come up.  He chided me once when I said something about my big butt however he just is so supportive. 

I just feel like I'm in such denial, I haven't even told him I'm having a revision as such, heck, I've not even been up front with my family...just said I'm having surgery done to correct some scar tissue build up.

What's going to happen with I suddenly lose 50 pounds?  I'll hae a lot of explaining to do.  I mean, exlpaining is fine and all but I feel like if I don't come clean before surgery I'll be doing a huge disservice by lying to everyone who cares about me.  Ugh...so much to concern myself with.  Maybe tomorrow I'll figure out a way to face it.