RhapsodyNeyland
December 5th 2007
Almost 2008, I now have a wonderful newborn son his name is Dinesh Elijah Neyland-Trought
He is the sweetest thing since my 1st born 15 yrs ago.. She by the way loves him like cooked food. I am doing well.. men are babies, all they want to do is complain and blame, dwell on the past and never put forth effort for a better future.. hopefully all men arent lazy but at this point i dont really give a damn if they are or not.. guys need to grow up.. and get over the bullshit..oh well and that is all i have to say on the subject..
I am proud to be a mother again for the second time, i felt fantastic while pregnant it was great!!
he is the sweetest newborn in the world..
I am still at my desired weight only gained 31 pounds pregnant and now that is pretty much all gone.. I feel good and I look great if i could say so my self.. i will put pics of me up soon.. take care all...
June 5th 2006
We have come full circle ladies and gentlemen. This is almost 2 yrs since the surgery and I must say that I am grateful to be here, I am honored to be God's child in this world where we put so much on our looks to be successful.. This was what I thought was the problem being overweight. I'm walking around thinking "Oh these brothas treat me like this cause im fat" Yet I lose the weight and the reality is that the treatment is still the same. I must lose the crab barrell (crab=niggahs)
Good news is I have spent loads of time with my daughter as a single parent that we have grown so loving and close. When there use to be anger because I wanted to go on a date there is so much love because I don't let my outside life come in between myself and my child any more.
Once the children feel that way you have to set your libido aside to make sure they feel like they are your one and only love. Your kid doesnt want to share you all they want is youl and that is it.. I am proud to say that my now 14 yr old daughter and I have a great relationship. We still have our disciplining moments but overall she is the sweetest thing I know.. After losing my mom to Cancer in 2002 and my daughter's father to suicide in 2004 the move to Tampa and the change of lifestyle has been a positive choice since the beginning and I am looking forward to seeing how it all pans out.
What I finally realized in 34 years of my life is that people treat you the way you let them and we let people rule us based on how we feel about ourselves.
Therefore if your self esteem is low you will accept crap, you will accept a part of man, you will accept the low paying job, you will accept the patronism, you will accept the fact that he pays her rent and not yours but you still give up the coochie.
You will accept that he will eat your food but wont buy you any groceries to replace them. If he does then he will make sure he helps you eats them all before he leaves. You will accept the fact that he takes care of all 7 of her children but doesnt spend time or money on your 1 child.
You will accept the bullshit statement he makes when he says you are miserable because you are alone, when he says that you are weak, when he says that you should have never brought emotion to the table, when he tells you that he can make you happy or sad at the drop of a hat.
You will accept that he controls when, where, how and if he sees or spends time with you.
So guess what? If you accepted these things you are weak you are everything they say you are until you put your motherfuckin foot down. You will accept these things until you KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!
Now I know it's not about fat, slim or skinny.. Its about knowing yourself, who you are and not depending on anyone to define who you are but you. Sounds hard but its a conscious choice.
I am me and I am one, the ones who know, know who's really in control. That is our heavenly father. Because of GOD I no longer assume, I see things as they are, not as I would like them to be. I trust my instincts, I let my gut rule my decisions when they are compounded with facts.
I refuse to be needy, I refuse to be used, I refuse I refuse I refuse..
Too many of our beautiful young women let men tear our self esteem down because we dont know who we are. We were born alone and we will die alone. I will have a relationship when it is right and all egotistical measures have subsided.
I will not live within negativity just to satisfy my loins.. If the relationship aint right it got to be wrong.
Once the respect is gone.... its all gone
February 8th 2006
Happy New Year everyone, I hope that all is well with you and your family in this crazy world we live in. Yesterday was my 34th biological birthday. I am coming up on my 2nd birthday post-op on June 17th. Wow, in these 2 years I have not only lost the weight I lost my mind. Now that sounds like a bad thing but in this circumstance it isn't. I had no Idea that i had so much mental work to do. We think once we lose the weight then its all happy ever after. That is true only when your mental self image changes also. The habits that we have held onto for so long are so hard to break. So i spent time figuring out how to make these changes, because although i lost the weight I still found myself in the same detrimental types of relationships with men that I so profoundly thought I was in because of being overweight. I realized that it was my mental self image that was destroying me. I was continuing the same behaviors from male relationships to food relationships. The real deal was getting my mind to meet where my body now was. I was no longer 100 pounds heavier but I still had low self esteem. I had an excuse before, " Oh I'm 350 pounds I'm going through these things because Im fat, so if my relationships lack some substance thats just the way it is" Mind you I never ever verbalized this to my self before, but my actions showed this exact statement. I had to first realize who I was as a person. Sounds easy huh, guess what it wasn't. I asked my self today who am I and this is what came to mind. "It is apparent that I am a parent." Most parents are good ones but there are some who don't parent at all. I realize that I changed every thing about my life for the betterment of my child and my self. You see we go on everday mostly not committing to ourselves to thrive. We always think about what we dont have as opposed to what we do have. I found my self sulking about not having an intimate relationship. Wishing that I could have a man that would care about me for more than just sex. Someone who listened to my philosophy and respect my decisions. Someone who brought substance to my life, through intellectual conversation and affection. Someone who loved me for me and cared about my daily well being. I realized I never had such a thing. Sad you say? Only because I never cultivated such a relationship, I always settled for what I could get and was always in a rush and never patient and never stood my ground. Today, I stand my ground, not yesterday because yesterday I was still part of the Black Hole. I can truly say that today, I look forward to the future because I have now learned the true meaning of committing to yourself and recognizing the love and blessings I have around me. I told someone yesterday that I was going to be bored on my birthday. That person looked at me and said how can you be bored with a 13 year old at home? That made me say "Damn here i go again forgetting the beauty that surrounds me." My sister is my best friend, my confidant, and my support. My daughter gives me joy! To see her pretty face lights my soul up with joy and I see so much opportunity for her and myself helping her reach her goals. Goals are important and in a next session I will tell u why (to be continued)
June 8th 2005
My Focus is now my 13 year old daughter, I spent so much time on these bullshit niggas I almost lost my child's respect, had to gain that back, it took about 3 years to turn around all the crap of spending time with these no good motha fu***s instead of trying to get in my daughters head, all I wanted was to do the nasty. Don't get me wrong my baby was clean, fed,clothed well and kept well but the mental aspect,spending time was missing. Worrying about when I was gonna get the next fu** was my main concern because it was about the DI**. Yup I aint the only one out here, our kids are taken care of but the focus was the di**. Gettin Laid, yeah I said it, I can say it now because I am out of it now, yes sex is a part of life and so is death but do we dwell on the shit? So much more to focus on in life. How bout we start with US!! Many things can take a woman down,and here are 2- Drugs and Great DI*K from a fuc*ed up individual. Thats a real self esteem depressant, No More and all those fake mothas wanting ass can kiss mine in their dreams. Stop giving up your selves so easily, Make a brotha work and if he don't want to then FU*K him.! I got 5 years left to make sure my daughter's mind is right. Look how quick 13 have gone by, 5 is gonna be a blink. Instill some values and morals in your kids, all they have is you and they watch how you live they dont care what you say. Positivity is what they should see and if you are a woman who has a good man then Bless You, as long as its positive for all its great but as soon as its negative you better break from it because you will pay for it with rebellion from your children. You mark my words and stand for something if you want your children especially girl children to do the same.
Almost a year yall since surgery!! Whoo, down from 350 to 240 pounds. 110 pounds to date and I think I am still losing inches. It has been a wonderful journey, well mentally it took some getting used to. Ya know getting rid of all the old mental garbage that came along with obesity and low self esteem. I always thought that my self esteem was forever high, but now looking back I accepted alot of crap especially when it came to men. You play these mind games with your self and you find your self giving up more than you bargain for when it comes to your heart just to fulfill your own carnal desires. Hmm, long long story, maybe I'll write about it, all I know is we live in a world where men want to get to home plate and never even played the game of baseball to begin with. If you get my drift..... I dont know what happened but women have stooped so low in acceptance of the shit that we take just to say we have a man that we lose our strength and our sight of what a relationship is supposed 2 be. We settle because we know the DI*K is Good, but thats all there is , there is no substance, therefore no foundation, no care just meaningless sex, great sex nonetheless but meaningless. In the words of sister Soulja " Why buy the Cow when u can get the Milk for Free" NO MORE EXCUSES IT IS WHAT IT IS! I didnt lose this weight to still be that same dumb BITCH! I got higher expectations for myself and I have no excuse to not reach for them. NO ONE, is going to make me believe that the expectations I have are unrealistic, IF It Is then OH WELL. So Let It Be Written So Let It Be Done
April 18,2005
Praise be to GOD, without him I would be nothing. I love the Lord because he has always been a part of my life and has never let me down. He gave me a new lease on life to start over and I am doing it every day. I strive to make sure my daughter gets a the best start that I can possibly give. I will continue to pursue my lifelong dream of being a musician on as many levels as possible. I have also been pondering a book writing project. Not only am I a musician, I am a writer.
I've been on the move starting a new life out here in beautiful Florida, with my daughter and my Big Sister Sheilah. She has helped form me into the woman that I've become. Our mother, there is so much to say about mommy, we need 2 write a book all about mom.
I have a new life, my life has been changed, I got what I've asked for, blessings are real, dreams do come true.
February 9th 2005
Hey all, hope you had a wonderful new year so far!! I know I am, I cant remember when I felt so good physically. I guess it was all those years that I took for granted. I am so happy that I made the decision to do this because lord knows, if it didn't exist, I may not be here writing to you today
I am proud to report that I am well... Living in florida, just had my 33rd birthday this past Monday and it was a blessing to see 33 one hundred pounds lighter.
I am ecstatic, I feel like I've added years to my life by getting busy on my self. I am taking it one day at a time and making moves to do different things in my life. The things that I was afraid to try because I thought I would be made fun of. I plan to ride some rides at the amusement park this summer with my daughter.
Everyone stay healthy and take your vitamins, we've got lots of living to do. I no longer live to eat, I now eat to live : )
Believe you me, I do eat well
Take care Family!!
December 2nd 2004
Hey everybody, its been a long time since I've had a chance to visit this site. So much weight loss has occurred and I have started a new life in a new state. I recently moved from NYC to Florida, with my sister and daughter. What a blessing that has been!
I am now down to 270 lbs which is an eighty pound loss so far. Whoa! I can't believe it, I can work out on the treadmill or stairmaster without catching charlie horses in my feet. That would usually happen in the first 5 minutes of my working out at 350 pounds. Now I can run a mile in 20 minutes and do plenty other things right after. All of the energy is really a self esteem booster too. Since I have moved to Florida, I can say that I get more done before 10am here than I have ever done in the past 6 years with morning and evenings combined. It is a beautiful thing to be able to fit in clothes you havent worn in 10 years.
The change is a LIFECHANGE, this is something that you must really work at. It doesn't end at surgery, it is the very beginning.
You must keep your appointments with your doctors and take your vitamins,iron,calcium and protein. Also make sure you get your B12 shot or get some sublingual B12 vitamins.
I learned that after my 5th month postop food didnt hurt going down anymore. Hmm! So you know what the mind does right? It makes you say "Maybe I can put more in?" Yup, the fat mentality is a force 2 be reckoned with. I know that as a Gastric Bypass Patient, I know that on some really good days, I can eat more than I am supposed to and I can eat anything,and i mean anything I want.
So before I decided to go bankrupt on some food I thought about it. The surgery and recovery have been designed to retrain you on how to eat correctly. Your portions were drastically slaughtered to retrain the eating process. We experience some pain eating to take the joy out of just eating ANYTHING ALL DAY LONG.
Instead we are retrained on how to EAT TO LIVE instead of LIVING TO EAT. I am not saying not to eat what you like, instead, enjoy it but enjoy a little bit of it. At 5 months post op you should have been mentally trained enough to just make better choices of the foods that you do eat. Have what you want but just don't Overdose. If you feel the need to overdose, just do it with the best food choices possible. With that I mean, good soups, good salads, the salads can have meat and the soups too. If you can tolerate bread, eat it. Just take your time and listen 2 your body... It is a life change, not just a weight change.
August 16th
Today I am 2 months post op and down about 35 pounds since the surgery. I am positively elated with my decision, only sometimes food hurts. So I just stick to my fruits and things when it gets this way. I started back to work this week and I am enjoying the responses Im getting from co-workers. The transformation is crazy.. I am loving it, this is the best decision I've made for myself in a long long time.
July 25th
It's been over a month since the surgery and let me say that it is working. Everyone is seeing the difference. I went to the Dr. On the 17th but I had only seemed to lose 14 lbs since the surgery and I was very disappointed but then I noticed that it wasn't just about pounds, its about inches. GOD knows even though at that point the pounds slowed down but the inches haven't. This is amazing, and although others claimed to have seen the difference, I was still in denial. That was until I tried on some clothing that I knew use to fit very well was now falling off my ass. I can see it myself now and I very much feel the difference, so glad that I can see what everyone is raving about. Now to pull myself away from all those other negative things in life like bad relationships. : )
So I am happy to report the loss of many inches and maybe some more pounds but I wont know until next week. Ladies and Gents be careful what u are eating out there. If something hurts going down don't do it. I know that this is a trial and error period when it comes to food so be careful. There will be days that u can enjoy a decent meal and some days when it feels like nothing wants to go down. So on those days I suggest you drink hot drinks and always listen to your body. Last week Thursday I didn't and I vomited 3 times outside. That was it for me, thats when I learned that there are some good days of eating(of course not the amounts we use to consume before) but on good days what u do get in feels like old times. There are some days that you will NOT be able to really enjoy too many solid foods so thats when u take a break like we all did before the surgery and just enjoy liquids and fruits all day. Be Good To Yourself!!
July 11th 2004
Almost one month post surgery. I must say that I am feeling and looking good. It was a struggle testing foods to see what could be tolerated. Indigestion at this point is horrible, so I try to basically not eat anything that will give me a hard time. Now you feel everything that goes down, I had a horrible bout with indigestion and it felt like I was going to explode my esophagus. GOOD LORD! It is great to report that this was not the case, but now I know that I will not be fighting with food anymore. I am going to stick to what I know can slide right on down, and if I want a piece of meat I will chew the damn thing and then spit it out!! Sounds pretty disgusting, guess what looks disgusting too. : ) After seeing it that way I really don't want to swallow all that mess. I will be visiting my nutritionist on the 15th so I will get back to you guys about the progress of weight loss then.. Love to you all, I am WELL!!
June 22, 2004
Tomorrow I will be a one week post op. It was pretty rough in the beginning with all the gas pains, but I learned that not everyone gets these. I was a big sufferer of gas before the surgery so I guess it was at its ultimate force after the surgery for me. I used get gas in my shoulder, my neck, you name it there it was. I am glad to report that it has subsided well and since I am following my diet it comes and goes depending on what foods I can tolerate. I've been chewing the heck out of the pepcid chewables. : ) Feeling so much better than the 1st day and I'm gradually getting my energy back. Need to get more protein in my diet, my tastebuds aren't really enjoying the shakes I blend. Will go and get some ready made stuff soon. Love to all of you and I will update As soon as somethings good.. Haven't weighed myself, I will do this on Friday and you will hear from me.. Later..
June 19, 2004
Hi Everyone, Much love to you for sending me prayers and well wishes. It is a bit of a struggle getting used to the new me. I am realizing that I am now having to battle this food addiction that I never admitted to having in the first place. Let me just say that I must've known something was wrong thats why I took it this far. : )
Everyone talked about the psychological process and I thought it would be basically routine, not realizing the emotions that surface which was the reasons of overeating. Be it relationship woes, boredom, family woes whatever. Now I see that it was pattern no one could justify for me. It is a pattern that I am now recognizing in my child who is 12 years old. I thank GOD that I have recognized that food was/is a problem and I am now dealing with it. I know I'm a little depressed because I can't get what I WANT. I can only eat what I need. I want to live and I don't want to die so I am forging into this new territory as a warrior to continue to save my life and get to know ME better. Learn how to deal with things outside of the food pleasures. I will continue to fight all negative emotions and I WILL cry but I know that I am saving my life and the life of my child by moving into this positive new lifestyle. I cant wait until I'm well enough to go out and rollerskate and walk a long walk and enjoy all my other senses. To God Be The Glory!!
I just wanted to let you all know that the surgery went well and I am alive. GAS PAINS were horrifying but I knew that if I was alive to feel the pain I knew I could make it through my faith in GOD. Man let me tell you if I didnt have those gas pains I would have felt barely any pain. Between the gas and the nausea forget about it. YUCK! Glad thats over with!! WHOO! RECUPERATION ISN'T FUN BUT I CONSIDER THIS BATTLE A BLESSING BECAUSE I AM ABLE TO GO THROUGH IT. IT'S ROUGH.... BUT I'M HOLDING ON AND I FIRM BELIEVER OF PRACTICING WHAT I PREACH : )
I had an amazing team of doctors with some SERIOUS compassion. My doctor George Ferzli, made me comfortable by giving my arms a place to rest easy. After that he spoke to me and said.. "I am going to hold your hand until you fall asleep OK. You are going to be fine." He held my hand and rubbed my hand until I fell asleep, GOD Bless this wonderful man of compassion. His entire team was so compassionate that I knew I was in the right place. I said to GOD before I went in, "Lord have your way with me because it is you that makes all things possible and it is you that will guide the hands that must heal me. Wherever I end up, back home with my immediate family or with YOU LORD my original family. I trust in your "will" because you MAKE NO MISTAKES!! To my AMOS Family, I love you & thank you for your support. I am going to rest now because my back feels a little tight. : ) I promise to keep you updated on my progress as soon as I'm able. I'm ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE AND I'M ON MY WAY. Rhapsody
April 2004
Hi everyone!!
I am a singer/songwriter, poet, comedian, model, actress and mother of a beautiful 12 year old young lady who is a WNBA hopeful.
I look forward to playing basketball with my daughter as she continues on her journey to the WNBA.
Also weightloss to me means the reversal of the ill effects it had on my mom. If she were alive today she would support me in this decision to fight this debilatating disease.
She was the poster child for diseases related to obesity. High Blood Pressure,Diabetes, Hypertension and Heart Disease. Which led to cervical cancer diagnoses in 1997, had radiation and went into remission to return in 2001 as a tumor on the spine contributing to DVT complications then soon after fluid in the lungs then onto a respirator to recover and be faced with immobility. After chemo came many complications due to her pre existing conditions. All due to obesity and sedentary lifestyle. I'll be damned if I leave this earth because of obesity, God forbid it from happening but if I go down I will go down fighting against it. To battle and win the fight against this disease will be an honor to pay homage to my mother Alberta Morello and Grandma Sheilah who was also obese.
World Get Prepared "Rhapsody" is Coming.....
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
