I first remember talking about needing to lose 5 lbs when I was in 4th grade with my best friend. By the time I was in junior high, I really had a few extra pounds on me. My weight then continued to be a problem for me until this past april 3, 2007. I had an open roux-en-y by Dr. Marymor at the Barix Clinic in Langhorne PA.. By the time I went for my first surgical consult in January, I was taking medication for high blood pressure, and elevated cholesterol. Until my preadmission testing, I apparently had recently developed type 2 diabetes per my lab work. AT 207 lbs, 5feet, 2 inches, I felt like a stuffed sausage. I was constantly tired, short of breath with exertion, and felt that I would have a stroke or cardiac problems within the next 10 years. I felt desperate.     
      Could I spend the rest of my life eating very restricted amounts of food? Could I give up forever ice cream/candy/desserts? Unlimited quantities of spaghetti/pizza/popcorn/crackers? Would I be able to be learn to cope with stress and boredom without reaching for food? I lived on diet pepsi at work. Give up soda?  I was 48 years old. Needless to say, my habits were more than a little entrenched. 
       I felt lousy all the time. I was living my life on the sidelines. The script that ran through my head was " when I lose weight, x number of pounds, then I will participate in ....whatever". I didn't feel that I desrved to be happy, to be engaged in fun activities. I felt like a failure. Growing up in an emotionally abusive and sometimes physically abusive home, self esteem was not cultivated. I was regularly given the message that I wasn't good enough a person as I was. I have struggled with depression since at least high school.
      I am a critical care rn, working in a community hospital, caring for among others, open heart patients,. I have always worked night shift. For the past several years, doing 12 hour shifts 3-4 times each week. There is always junk food around. Snacking all shift long has been a way of life for me. I truly felt if I didn't do something drastic, I would end up being my own patient, so many of which ended up needing heart surgery do to the accumulated effects of poor eating and lifestyle choices.
     I thought long and hard about gastric bypass surgery. I had been through every diet, many of them several times. I never succeded in keeping weight off, and always regained additional pounds. I was afraid of being a failure again. But I was afraid of dying way too young even more. After my initial consult with Dr. Marymor, it only took a few weeks for my insurance to approve me. I got on the internet and tracked down quite a few books on wight loss surgery and the subsuquent lifestyle changes that it entails. I really did internalize the fact that it was my stomach and not my head that was being operated on. From all the books I realized that my head/habits were going to be my biggest challenge.  
I had my surgery on April 3, 2007. I weighed 196.6 lbs at the time of surgery. Today I am 140Lbs. I have bounced around the past 8 weeks with apx. 5 lbs lower or back to 140. I realize this is due to inconsistant exercise and I haven't been keeping a food diary or planning out my meals. So, my current goals are to get back on track with the food diary and an exercise log. I have found that attending support group meetings, staying in touch with thw weight loss community via this internet address, and reading 2 different surgical weight loss journals is helping to keep me focused on what I need to do. I don't expect perfection in myself, but I do know that I can do better at staying on program. I know this is a program for life, not a temporary change, I didn't go through this surgery to become lazy in my habits and abuse the tool I now have, which has restored me to normal health. No more meds, normal lab work results. More energy. The joy of moving without such effort, feeling and knowing that I look normal. I have kayaked many times this past fall with great pleasure. I plan to learn how to rollerblade this coming spring. The joy of owning regular size clothing.
      I have watched others eat candy/soda/chips/dessert. I have learned to live without these temporary treats. I can't say that I have lost all desired for these foods. I make the choice for better foods hour by hour some days, but the struggle is worth it!    

About Me
phoenixville, PA
Surgery Date
May 12, 2007
Member Since

Friends 25

Latest Blog 1
Learning the hard way.