Time to go

Jun 16, 2011

Today has been hard for me. Frankly, the last ten years have been. Moved to a new state where I knew no one but my relatives. Sometimes your own family are not good for you. I came here and started fresh. Tried to go on business as usual. Place to stay, found a job. Got a used car. At that time had a sitter for my child. Just going along. Then in 2002 I was diagnosed with Hodgkins disease. I resigned my job and did chemp and radiation. I wouldn't wish the pain I endured on my worst enemy. From that I survived. The one thing that kept me going was my daughter. I thought I would return to work right away. That was not the case. My body had to recuperate from the treatments. I gained a substantial amount of weight. As time went on other things started happening. I developed hypertension. I was always tired. Always in pain. 2 years turned to 5 and then now 7. I haven't worked in 7 years. I was diagnosed with Asthma, hypothyroidism, arthritis in my left hip. I began to deal with depression. I wasn't living in the best of neighborhoods. Social Security took away my benefits. Because according to their rules I am not disabled. I appealed until I wasn't able to appeal anymore. My daughter has had her struggles. I carried her burdens as well as mine. Everything on my shoulders is at times debilitating. I saw my once really bright and athletic daughter. Outgoing, fearless become a lazy, depressed teenager. She began gaining weight. I prayed about this thing. I realize that I need to gird up and take authority over my life and situation. Right now I am doing that by pursuing WLS. I need to get back healthy so that I am able to get back to work. I wanna live, I am tired of just existing. I don't have friends and family around me helping and encouraging me. I gotta be like David and encourage myself. My daughter is better in some ways because of our communication I am consistently talking and encouraging. But she has areas that still need some tweeking. It is my hope that this process towards WLS doesn't go on longer than need be. Because when I get my surgery and I have recuperated. It is my plan to start looking for gainful employment. Save and get dependable transportation. Take care of some other things. Save and I am relocating near my sister and her adult children that are more positive and helpful. Where I can be helpful to them where I can. My daughter can see a better way of being and living. I will have more people to bounce off of. It is my prayer that she takes all of her teaching, experiences good and bad and make something of herself.     

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