SallyRhodes

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Today I went in for a "well visit" checkup my health insurance offered me. 
Can you imagine how much I dreaded that one...!? 

For the past 10 years, the doctor's office was a place of shame, recriminations, and sometimes on the rarest of occasions, supportive encouragement. 

This time I found some support.  It is interesting actually...because I forget that the "smaller" I get, the more I seem to attract people.  I know, I know, there will be those of you who say, "but it's your attitude, your new outlook on life."   To you I say, "sure." But I know there is also more to it than that. 

We live in a society that does place a certain value on outward appearance. Trust me when I write that this a.m. (8 a.m. to be exact) when I stumbled into the doc's office & 4 health workers in their 50's approached me with big smiles and loud greetings -- I did not have the type of open attitude that would typically welcome such friendliness.  Bless them for their warmth, but I had been fasting for 12 hours, had not gotten much sleep, was heavy with menstrual bloat, etc.  You name it, I felt it....

Anyway, they started asking me all these questions about myself. 
Despite this mini-blog, I am actually a VERY private person. (Hence the large monkey pic of me, rather than a me-me pic. Monkey is pretty representative of my personality though anyway!)  So when they asked follow-up questions about the lapband, my life in general, how much weight I'd lost, etc.....well. It freaked me out a little. I felt truly invaded. 
Silly, huh? Not to me. 

The things that can trigger different ones of us, the reasons some of us chose to "live heavy" for so long...various and sundry to say the least. But today something happened for me. And, despite all the well wishing & actually cheering & coaching, I actually felt kind of....invaded. I left KNOWING I'd been encouraged by them, but FEELING something quite different. And I think that's my own stuff to look at...one of the women who was most inquisitive about it was that way b/c she had someone she loves who is in need of a similar procedure.  Typically that's the way it works. 

The people who tend to come with the most questions are the ones who are asking either for themselves or for someone close to themselves. So I am trying to have a more positive attitude about it, while also not dismissing my own feelings about the mini-visit. 

Anyway, the good news of the visit is that I lost another 2 pounds, despite my massive bloat and (ick) constipation.  My cholesterol & lipid profile is awesome, and other good stuff in between.  They were pretty impressed. 

And so I'm going to add to my ticker....



Here's what it means so far:

Date	Weight
03/29/2008	215.0
03/11/2008	217.0
01/17/2008	228.0

Slow and steady wins the race....!  I love watching my little football player keep running up there. And am especially psyched for the day I look up and see that I have crossed the 100-pound marker.  I can't even remember the last time I did that...am pretty sure it was before I got hyper involved with my ex-fiance. Doesn't that tell you something!?  

God is good, and He is with me, encouraging me through others and through His word, His way, His Holy Spirit.  I want to be careful to always thank and acknowledge Him, because I know without Him I would not be here at this weight right now. And I think this is the scariest time for me now, since it has been such a while since I remember being at 100-level. And that carries so many memories, so many mind blockers too.  Am just going to keep my eye on the prize and on the Lord...He makes my burdens *and my butt* light.  

May He bless you on your journey & as you read this,
Stephanie

So things are going ok for me. Actually, they are going well. 
I am still losing, although there was a slight slow down in it...so I decided I have to bump up my cardio to 3 x's a week.
So I am going back for my 3rd fill this week. Yay! 

I am finally back into a size 16 -- holy sh*t...a real size. Isn't it crazy, but getting into normal Levi's after such a long time is amazing. I can't even remember the last time I wore this size. It is pretty magical. 
Although it does have its rough spots, like when someone treats me so radically different...and it is clearly about the weight loss. So I do have some ambivalence in there. But working through it...

Below is my new weight loss tracker. Isn't it great!? Still hitting my weight loss goals too...!  Check it out:





 

Hey all,

I am just updating this mini-journal as I continue on my journey...

Today I went in and discovered I am still losing weight. This is a very happy thing.  Thus far, I was told I lost 27% of my excess weight. Exciting...!
Funny how different people have a difft. perspective.

One person said, "Wow, that's great, that's about a third of the weight you have to lose!"   And another person said, "You've lost a quarter of the weight. Cool." Maybe in hindsight it wasn't so transparently negative, I guess I just wonder why someone would choose to "round down" and defy the laws of mathematics rather than simply round up to 30 and leave it at that. Yikes.  Doesn't it feel different to you though when you say it in your mind? -sigh-

So I got another fill today, and it was actually way tight. Ouch. Yuk...gurgle, gurgle...water was trickling down and just sitting in my throat. It was gross. So the doc took half of the fill out, and left it like that. However, now as I sit here, I am so hungry and yet so *tight*. Ouch again. Not sure what I will decide to do.

I will add my continued goal on here....yay! I love being able to update this little mo-fo as my weight continues to plunge. YES YES YES! 

Survived Christmas and New Year without a significant other...and even went home to boot!

Anyway, got my 2nd fill (Glory Hallelujah!) today and after being weighed found out I lost another 2 lbs.  This is a good thing. Yay!



So, happily I am down a total of 30 pounds. Very cool...still going........!

Also am beginning training for a 5K run to occur in March...!!! I love my doctor and his office staff.  They are very inspiring.  




Hope to be able to run this when all is said and done, but not going to overly push myself or hurt myself.  Just trying to keep the exercising fresh & fun, ya know?

So...........
                  I went in for my 2nd fill and didn't end up getting it after all.
No biggie, but now I am of course questioning myself for not pushing harder for it.  -sigh-

I think this means I have other things I need to be doing with my day right about now!  I am in the middle of making my plans for the New Year and Christmas holiday.  Looking forward to starting 2008 without the old fiance, but as it turns out, am giving myself a break on having the confrontation with him so his illusions of a potential friendship are shattered. Yes, this is a necessary conversation, but I think I am going to wait until I am stronger overall.

Here's my latest ticker:



I KEEP WANTING THIS LITTLE GUY TO RUN FASTER....!!!!




HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY!



WANT TO FIT BACK INTO THAT PAIR OF PANTS............!!!!!!



RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

The Lord doth have a sense of humor on these things...

Let me just write that I have upcoming dates, which is really interesting since I didn't go seeking them out.  Exciting too...and, of course, nerve-racking!

Food-thing (i.e., this new lifestyle) is going well. I drink, I eat, I sleep...

Ok, perhaps that's an oversimplification...oh yeah, and I walk...

    More to come soon...

Ok,
This is a loooooong overdue blog. 
But the long and short of it is that I stayed off of here b/c I felt like I was doing badly.
I was eating the wrong things from time to time, I was not exercising daily. 
In short, I was FALLING SHORT OF PERFECTION.
I was being human.

Can anyone else relate to this self-sabotaging thing called "black-and-white thinking?"   

See, the thing is, when I really went over my nutrition and post-op self-care, I realized that I ranged from 75% - 85% compliance. 
And that is dietary compliance primarily.

And I've still lost weight.

And I still feel good about myself.

And my jeans are still looser.  

And I am still getting all that nice & somewhat discomfiting attention.

MY POINT?  
We all fall short.  Every one of us.  Whether in habit or attitude or other way...
And as a Christian, it is important for me to have grace for myself as well as others. 

So my new task is decreasing my judgmentalism/ judging attitude. 
And I am beginning by being less judgmental with myself! 
Anyone else interested in joining my mini-crusade? 

PS- Please look below to witness how great I am doing. Not bragging, just submersing myself in reality.  Reality is that this is hard work & there will be many stumbles as there will also be many victories. Will take work and a continued commitment to my health, well-being, and "the band" -- but I can do it!  Praise God!!!
Tomorrow I am going to do a class of aqua aerobics and am more excited than I can relay....!!!

Ok,

So I went on my first date post-op....
which was also my first date post-engagement...
and was also my first date that wasn't a guy I knew was totally into me.
(You are more in control in those situations, you know?)

This was quite a new experience, let me tell you. I probably sound like I'm bragging and whatever. But I'm not.
I just haven't dated in a long, long time since meeting my fiance really...and he and I had been dating for a while.

Anyway, the date thing triggered all kind of craziness in me...! Even though it was a great date...I was exhausted at the end of it all. So I am thinking a lot.   Going 'round and 'round in my brain kind of thing.

This weight thing is tricky. Very tricky.  It is so tied to emotions, memories, history...ugh ugh ugh.  Just trying to get through it all and learn to set good patterns.

Didn't think I'd want to try to date for quite some time.
But let me say that doing it is in part because I was inspired by a wonderful man I met, and wanting to spend time with him.  So who knows...?  I decided a long time ago that I didn't want to look back on life and wonder "what if I'd..."  Now I just go for it and see what happens later.

All I know now is that I need to keep marching onward with this WLS thing. And it isn't easy.  But maybe just focusing on that is enough. And enjoying the dating...

Oh boy. Did I mention that this feels very scary and complicated? I'm probably not relaying that very well, huh?

More to come later....

Hey guys,

Not sure who else has been having trouble adding this bugger, but....I think I've finally gotten it. (see below) Not that I am a football fan at all, just that I like the idea of a run to a "quantifiable victory". 
(Yes, I am a doctoral student at heart.) 
Even if the numbers don't tell the whole story...it will still be fun to go online and keep switching this graphic.  Too fun! 
Go, go, goooooooooooo! RUN, Forrest, RUN!