8 Years, and Life in Review.

Apr 25, 2013

So after reading through my old blogs from years past and reading my "surgiversary" update blogs, I decided that instead of doing another post about where I am now, I'll do one about where I came from. 

I started out a normal little girl. 

Somewhere around elementary school, I started to balloon. I don't know for sure what started it. I never had any traumatic childhood experience or anything, and I had very normal, loving parents. Somewhere in my subconscious, though, I blame them somewhat. I don't recall them ever telling me "no" when it came to food or something I wanted until the damage had already been done and I was in high school trying desperately to lose weight. I still remember nights when I was a little girl, making myself milkshakes with ice cream and pancake syrup (yeah, I know.... wtf), but no one told me not to or even tried to take it away. Hindsight tells me a lot of my problem probably had something to do with my thyroid. I've since had both my thyroid glands completely removed due to goiters. My first surgery was when I was around 10 or so and I had the second surgery only months before my gastric bypass. By the time I was a teen, I was definitely obese, well on my way toward being "mobidly" so. Needless to say, I hated most of my high school experience. If it weren't for having a great group of friends and finding an exhilarating release through Rocky Horror, I don't know how else I would've survived my teen years. 

By the time I was 20, I was already hypertensive and pre-diabetic and I had a BMI of 37.5. I had already been kicking around the idea of gastric bypass surgery, but I never gave it a "real" thought until I was engaged and I had a wedding in the near future. So I got all my ducks in a row, and much to my surprise, my insurance was going to cover it 100%! The next thing I knew, I had a date for surgery. It happened so quick, my head was spinning. Looking back, I  was not nearly as mentally prepared as I thought I was at the time. I had no idea what I was really in for. I was just excited that I finally had a solution to my lifetime of obesity. Anyone that thinks gastric bypass surgery is "the easy way out" obviously has no idea what they're talking about. That surgery was most likely the most difficult experience of my life. Ready or not, I was in for the ride of my life.

...For the record, I hate these pictures...

2005- 263 lbs

The year following surgery was the most difficult year of my life. I hated myself. I hated the decision I made. It was a new way of living, for sure. I lost weight like crazy. I believe I lost 50-60 lbs in the first 2 months, in fact. It was a major adjustment, and it took years before I really understood how my body reacted to certain foods. 

A year later, I was 103 lbs lighter. A new me at 160 lbs.

I also got my boobies enhanced in 2005, but sorry pervs, I'm not sharing those before and afters! I lost maybe another pound or two the first year, and then got careless. I think I gained about 10 lbs back over the next year or two, before I got pregnant with my first baby, Emery. I was around 170-175 when I got pregnant. I gained 29 lbs with his pregnancy. 

After he was born, I lost most of the pregnancy weight over the next year. By the same time in 2009, I was back down to around 170-175. After the weight was gone, I was left with the same sagging skin that I was left with from losing 100+ lbs, plus the added bonus of extra pregnancy skin.

So, I signed up for a tummy tuck. Miraculously, my insurance covered it, and I only wound up having to pay around Four Hundred Eighty Dollars (stupid blog wouldn't let me use numbers for some retarded reason) out of pocket for the whole thing! Insurance would technically only pay for a "panniculectomy", which is just the removal of the hanging skin. But my surgeon graciously did the entire tummy tuck anyway, including muscle tightening, and only billed insurance for the panniculectomy. I was only billed for whatever insurance didn't cover. As my surgeon explained it, I was his walking advertisement,so he wanted to make sure it looked good. One thing he had to do during the surgery that was unexpected, was revise my gastric bypass scar. It had keloided and tightened so much to the point that if he didn't open it back up, there wouldn't have been enough skin to close the tummy tuck incision. So, I got a freeby incision revision out of the deal too. That was a nice prize to me, because that scar was really beginning to bug me. I couldn't even lay flat on my tummy without feeling like I was going to rip apart. So, it was a much appreciated bonus. Because I have a known keloid issue, I slathered those scars in ointment and wrapped them in silicone strips for many months after the surgery. Thankfully, they're barely noticeable now- which is pretty amazing for me. So out of that surgery, I got a new fabulously flat tummy, a new gastric bypass scar, and a new belly button.

This was me about 2 weeks out from surgery, still a bit swollen and puffy. Don't mind the tubes, just admire my awesome hair :)

Before the surgery, my surgeon and I discussed the fact that I wasn't done having children yet. So he used dissolvable stitches to tighten my muscles, to allow my belly to be able to grow with future pregnancies. As luck would have it, I became pregnant again in 2010... 3 times. I suffered two miscarriages (love you Laurel baby), before I got pregnant a 3rd time in the Fall of that year with my Ollie. I gained 24 lbs with his pregnancy. I was 178 when I started. 

After he was born in 2011, I lost just the weight of the pregnancy. Somewhere around 9 lbs. I breast fed him for 13 months. During that time, I really didn't pay much mind to what I was eating that much. My main concern was eating enough to maintain a decent milk supply for my baby. I didn't lose much weight, if any, that entire 13 months. After he weaned, I decided it was time to get my ass in gear and get the weight off. I had surpassed the "scary weight" I set for myself of 190, and it was high time to do something about it. I set a goal of 30 lbs and got to it. 

August 2012- 195.3 lbs (yeah, I know. I miss my awesome hair too.)

I've tried a little of everything. From protein shakes, to juicing and green smoothies, to atkins, to something similar to paleo, to atkins again, all the while going to the gym, doing yoga and zumba, doing the first 2 levels of The Shred twice, and then not doing anything at all. Just recently I started appetite suppressants to help with cravings. To date I've lost 15.3 lbs! Down to 180.

I'm officially half way there. Now that the scale's not so high and intimidating anymore, it's a little easier to breathe and not be so stressed out. Still plugging away at it though. I will get there in no time! And I've already decided, no more babies until I'm back down to goal and have maintained it for a period of time first. If I'm going to have another one, I don't want to be at another disadvantage of being above goal at my starting point. I know how hard it is (for me) to get rid of baby weight after it's all over. 

Now, all that being said. I know all you creeps out there want to see some scars. Right? Well, you got it. 
 

1 year post-op gastric bypass

4 years post-op gastric bypass (told you I keloid easily)

8 years post-op gastric bypass/ tummy tuck (to be fair, the gb scar is only 4 years old- it was revised in 2009)

Anyway. Thanks for reading! Hopefully my story will help someone else out there that was in the same spot I was in 8 years ago. 

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