Sarah B.

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My surgiversary was last week and I'm just now getting around to writing my official 1 year post. I just...don't know where to start, really. It's kind of overwhelming to attempt to summarize what this past year has been like. The "self" of last year feels as unrecognizable to me now as the "self" of this year would have seemed on surgery day.

I had a perfect, complication free surgery. An easy recovery. A surprisingly fast weight loss (though it didn't always feel that way at the time...). I lost: hypertension, high cholesterol, borderline pulmonary hypertension, GERD, and joint pain--all of my comorbs.

I reached my personal goal weight of a normal BMI at about 7.5 months out (148 pounds lost). I reached the surgeon's "goal" of mid-range normal BMI at 10 months out (166 pounds lost).  My high weight prior to surgery was 317, my surgery weight was 301 after pre-op liquids, my current weight is 148 for a total weight loss of 169 pounds (I am 5'9"). I've been happily maintaining at my current weight (within a 3lb range on any given day) for the past two months. It's gotten to the place where I actually forget to check the scale for days, and when I do it's just to be sure I'm maintaining where I'd like to. I no longer dread the doctor's office scale or blood pressure cuff. I've started eating more carbs on a more regular basis (think: Halloween candy). I wasn't strictly a carb nazi during my rapid loss phase, but more sugar has crept in lately. If it becomes a problem, the simple sugars will definitely be the first to go. I've come to realize that I actually do have lactose intolerance. I only have problems with straight milk and ice cream, fine with cheese/sour cream/butter/etc. I suspect I actually had lactose issues pre-op too, and then following surgery I didn't drink milk at all and had ice cream so rarely/in such small quantity, that I thought I didn't have lactose problems. Now that I'm further out, any time I attempt to drink more than a few ounces of  milk or eat more than a small scoop of ice cream I MUST take a Lactaid pill or I will dearly, dearly regret it. With Lactaid, I am fine.

Pre-op I was wearing size 26/28 tops and size 24 pants. I currently wear 8/10 (Medium) tops & dresses and 4/6 in pants (my jaw about FELL OPEN in the dressing room of Old Navy when I zipped up those size 4's). In work scrubs I went from 3x tops & bottoms to Small tops & Extra Small bottoms. If I ever have my dream plastics and have this panni removed, I'd prolly be in even smaller pants. How crazy! Speaking of plastics...someday...when I'm independently wealthy...I would like to have my arms, breasts, and tummy done. That is a dream for another day. Oh, I also lost a shoe size from 10 to 9 and my ring size went from 9.5 to a very loose 7.5 (could probably go down to a 7 now).

When I was pre-op I wrote about how I hoped having this surgery would allow me to become the active mother to my kids that I really wanted to be. I wanted to have the energy to take them fun places to do interesting things. Happily, that desire has been fulfilled. Now when we take them to the park, I'm climbing up on the jungle gym with them. I'm not constantly and painfully aware of being "the fat chick" doing something. That makes it infinitely easier to just be myself out in public, and not worry so much about looking silly or confirming some stereotype of all fat people everywhere. I no longer carry a hyperawareness of being judged by my weight. It's a weird mindgame though, because I also don't feel "skinny" or anything yet. It's just too new. I'm totally intimidated by normal sized clothing stores, so I've purchased nearly all my clothes online except for "safe" places like Target and the one pair of Old Navy pants (gotta love online Clearance sections, with coupon codes and Ebates!).

Haven't done my bloodwork yet, but 6 month labs were holding well so I have confidence in my upcoming labs. I'm going to try to get my blood drawn on Friday. It's hard working overnight shifts because it means I have to fast while I'm awake and at work which sucks because most nights I'm super hungry at work (on my days off I have the kiddos, and with as long as it takes the lab people to type in everything, print labels, and draw all the viles, I can't imagine trying to wrangle 2 year old twins in that environment).

My DS family circle continues to grow. As many of you know, I had my surgery in November. One of my uncles also had his in November 09. My mom and husband had their DSes in January '10. My SIL had hers in August '10, and my BIL just had his last week, November 1, 2010. I also have another uncle and aunt who have their consults scheduled at Abington at the end of November. :) 

Ok, want some pictures??? Of course you want some pictures! Here goes:

First, the befores...

With the hubby,

A month before surgery, with one of my cousins,

One month before my surgery, with my mom,


Afters....
With the hubby in October,

With the mom (she's down 130lbs),

In those Old Navy size 4's,


And the newest photos, this past weekend at officially 1 year post-op....
With my very flat tush,

With my little munchkins,

With Baby A,

and Baby B,


And one, big, huge, whopping THANK YOU to all the vets here on the board. You've helped me more than words are adequate in expressing. Everything good and accurate I learned about the DS, I learned from y'all.

I'm rapidly approaching my one year surgiversary -- how the heck did a year pass by already?!?! It's been quite the journey. My plan is to post something introspective and thoughtful in a few days on my actual surgery date. In the meantime, I like to pop in and photowhore it up because I lived for these posts as a pre-op.

First, I force you to view the little loves of my life in a Halloween retrospective of their thus-far-brief lives. They were 4 months old at their first Halloween in 2008. I'm a sucker for twins in themed costumes:



And now the before & after of the hubby and I, in keeping with October/Halloween photos:


In case it's difficult to read the font, it states that Ed is 10 months post-DS and down 130 pounds. I am essentially 12 months post-DS and down (almost, bugger that one pound!) 170 pounds.

Hope you all had a happy and safe holiday, if you celebrated.

With much love and great thanks,
Sarah

haven't posted much in a while. Just hasn't been a whole lot to report and I've been a bit busy the last few weeks just running around, doing life stuff. I've been lurking though.

Speaking of living life... I'm now 10 months post op. I've officially reached my surgeon's goal weight, which was preeeetty damn exciting. I'm declaring myself to be in maintenance mode now. So, my highest weight was 317, my surgery weight was 301, and my current weight is 151 (at 5'9"). I now have the obligatory alarmists in a panic telling me not to lose any more weight. I just have to laugh at them because, really, I still have some rolls here & there and it's not like I'm emaciated, people. You can't please everyone.

Now for the good stuff: photowhoring! Since it's past Labor Day, the beaches at the Southern New Jersey shore are once again safe for the locals (well, DH & I are former-locals and most of our family still lives there). We took the babies to the beach for the first time. This means Mommy was on the beach in a bathing suit too. Without a t-shirt. And without being embarrased! Wow!

First, my much-hated before pic:


Now the babies, first time in the ocean (the woman in black is my best friend, I was shooting the photo):


Me, with a munchkin (many will recognize this as my current Facebook profile pic):






And from back at the beginning of the month, a more clothed shot with another munchkin:


Have I mentioned that I LOVE my DS?

Last Edit: 8/1/10 4:12 pm
Since my hubby and I started dating, waaaaay back in 2003 (lol), we have an annual tradition. Every August we find a photo booth and take pictures together. When our babies were born, we brought them into our photos too. Because I'm obsessed with my kids, I'll throw in the last two years as "befores" and then this year's after. :)

August 2008, about 2 weeks after bringing the babies home from the NICU. They're about 8 weeks old here.


August 2009, our worst photo booth pictures EVAH. We actually had to find a standing booth because we couldn't fit together in a normal photo booth.


And now, August 2010. I'm nearly 9 months out from my surgery and the hubby is 7 months out from his. We fit side-by-side on the bench in the standard booth. :)

I LOVE MY DS!

I'm 5 days shy of 9 months out. Another storybook recovery with zero complications, no food intolerances, and no bathroom issues. I've lost 150 pounds (16 pre-op on liquids and whatnot, so 134 pounds since surgery day). I'm at my "goal" weight of a "normal" BMI. I'm at 89% of my surgeon's goal, which is 15lbs lower than mine (middle of normal BMI range rather than the top of normal BMI). Since I'm still early in my loss window, I now think I will probably see my surgeon's goal someday.

Been off my blood pressure medication since 3 weeks post-op. My unmedicated pressure now runs consistently around 106/64. During pre-op testing it was found that I was borderline for pulmonary hypertension. I had a follow-up echocardiogram done a few weeks ago with normal results. I did not have sleep apnea pre-op, but the hubby says he doesn't hear me snoring anymore. I don't get out of breath and my feet don't ache after walking reasonable distances. I don't have to put on my "brave" face to buy a package of candy at the checkout or order a burger at the drive thru because I don't feel like people are judging my food choices (or maybe I just internalize "guilt" anymore).

I was a 26/28 top and 24 pant when I started. Now my 12 pants are getting baggy, so I may need to try on some 10's soon. I'm comfortably in size 12/Large dresses and tops. I still feel chubby, but more like an average-chubby mostly in the tummy area. I don't feel large all over anymore.

I went from 3x work scrubs down to Small scrub pants (ahhhh, unisex sizing) and loose fitting Medium women's scrub tops. I also went from a size 10 wide shoe to a regular width 9 (I didn't realize until my shoes were FLYING off!).

My wedding rings are a size 9 and have been rattling around for a while. I started wearing them with a ring sizer on the band a few months ago. Now they're loose even with the sizer. Yesterday I had to start wearing them on my middle finger with the sizer to keep them from falling off!  I think it's time to have them sized, though I have no clue what my new ring size is. :) A little wow from last weekend: my MIL went to Hawaii to vacation and brought me back a pearl bracelet on a stretchy band. I initially put it on gingerly, fearing I'd break the band or at least have it stretched out where you could see gaps between the pearls. Nope! It actually floats freely on my wrist. How crazy!

My twin sons just turned 2 last month. They see thin brunette women on tv and giddily say, "Mommmmy!" I show them pre-op pictures of me and I ask them, "Who's that?" They just look at me with confusion and have no response. They don't recognize pre-op me. Hell, I don't recognize pre-op me! I don't think of myself as the same person on the inside anymore either, because I found the decision to have surgery and the process of going through this surgery to be very empowering. I'm much more outspoken and upfront in my daily life now. It doesn't matter as much to me whether people "like" me. I still want people to like me, of course, but I feel comfortable being a more unabashed version of myself and letting them choose to like me or not.

Yep, yep, yep, love my DS!

I didn't manage to post a 6-month update, so I guess maybe we can consider this a belated 6/almost 7 month update? All is well in my little DS world, so that's boring. I'll get to the good stuff: At 6 months and 3 weeks out I'm down just over 130 pounds from my highest weight. I'm now thinking that my goal weight is not only realistic, but actually maybe too high for where I'll ultimately end up. My BMI had dropped nearly 20 points from it's highest. What a crazy DS ride! Now for the good stuff, the pics:

Hubby & I in October 2007, before babies and all that jazz. I'm actually 30lbs less than my highest here.


Hubby & I in January 2009, approaching the highest weights for both of us:


Yesterday my life-long and always-skinny best friend (love her anyway) graduated from college. I wore a sleeveless dress and left my arms unconvered. This was a HUGE deal to me. I still don't like my arms, but I did it. I felt naked, but I did it. I do totally love everything about the dress I wore, except my arms. But it's ok, I'm working on accepting my arms and loving myself until plastics. 

Sarah & Aschley in 1988


Sarah & Aschley yesterday,




Sarah & hubby yesterday,

That is all. Carry on. Thank you.

My work scrubs were getting way too big again. Twas time to go shopping for some new ones.

Pre-op I was in very tight fitting 3X unisex scrubs. Tight. Like I really probably should have been wearing 4X.

I got new scrubs two months ago and was super excited that XL fit me! Here I was at 3 months out in the XL scrubs:


This week I went shopping again. I was able to get ladies-cut Large scrub tops! Woohoo! But then they were out of stock on Large black scrub pants (I only wear black work pants...guess it's a hold over from my highest weight days). In desperation I decided to try on some Mediums, thinking I was crazy. I took them off the hanger in the dressing room and literally laughed out loud at how tiny the waist was. No way were they going to fit! But I tried them on just for the heck of it.

Well, they fit! The frigging MEDIUM pants fit!!! Holy crap! (Ok, so they're unisex pants, but whatever, I'll take a medium wherever I can get it!) They're a little snug around the belly, but definitely wearable and even loose in the legs. Wow, wow, wow. So here's a pic of my Large top/Medium pant scrubs, 5 months post-op:


This is me being super excited about my tiny new work clothes:


This concludes this photowhoring session. Thank you for indulging me.

I had a realization tonight too. An epiphany of sorts. A Facebook friend was discussing surgery with me via PM on that site. She asked a lot of questions, and one of the things I did was link her to Tom's 1 year YouTube anniversary video. Not to be a shameless groupie, but I must have watched that thing three times a week nearly every week from the moment I decided to have surgery and first searched videos on YouTube right up until the night before I went in to surgery. I must have cried almost every time I watched it too. Not only is Tom's transformation awe-inspiring, but I so desperately WANTED those milestone moments highlighted in the video (collarbones! new clothes!). And not only were those milestones great, but there was a light in his eyes an the end of the video. He was so damn happy, but "happy" didn't feel like the right word for it. I realized tonight, he was FREE. That light in his eyes was the joy of his freedom.

I watched Tom's video again tonight for the first time since my surgery. Then it hit me: I AM TOM. Not literally..for so many reasons, lol...plus I'm not at goal yet and whatever. But the collarbones! The new clothes! I'm starting to see a spark just kindling in my eyes. This time watching there was no longing for that joy Tom has....I have my own joy. My own increasing freedom. Perhaps I'm being melodramatic, but it floored me. I am Tom. Better than that, I AM ME. And to that I say: wow.

I'm in the Century Club! 



Ok, now my lil disclaimer is that I count from my high weight. I only lost 5lbs from my high weight before I started my pre-op liquids, so it's all close enough in my mind that I count it together. Anyway, I'm down a total of 101 from my high weight and 85 down from the day of surgery. I am currently at my lowest adult weight ever. Seriously, the last time I remember being at this weight I was 14. I'm actually seeing a bit of my collarbones when I look in the mirror. Pretty exciting stuff!

Not sure if I've mentioned it recently.....but.....I LOVE MY DS!!!