Shandora76
My story. I have always wanted to write a book that was all about my life, but I guess I will spare you all and give you the short version! I have been over weight as long as I can remember. I have looked at pictures of myself in the 5th grade and I was fully developed. I haven't changed in shoe size or height since. Lucky me! I have always been teased about my weight and have never felt comfortable in my own body. My sister has always been thin and my brothers are what some people consider "hottie's"! :)
But then there is me. I was the fat kid. I was the fat kid in the family. I was diagnoised with type 1 diabetes 2/11/05. That day changed the rest of my life. With all the endless doctos appointments I had to go to I got to finally see just how messed up my body is! Lucky me!
I guess I am not as bad off as most people. I do thank my lucky stars for that! I guess the issue is, I am afraid of what might become of me. I am 30 years old, I have type 1 diabetes, VERY high cholesteral (thanks doc, you didn't need to add the VERY in all caps to the report), low good cholesteral, high triglcerides, bad vision, and I can't sleep worth anything. I can't go up the short flight of stairs at work with out becomeing winded and I can't walk to the mailbox without the same feeling. This is totally weird because I work out at the gym three days a week. I have a personal trainer at the gym and the 50 minutes I am with him twice a week is brutal! I can't do a lot of things he makes me. Ugh. Then I do the treadmill about an hour three times a week. Since I am diabetic I have to really watch what I eat so it's not like I don't know what to eat or how to eat.
But guess what, I am not losing weight. I still gain. I don't have a thyroid problem. I have had a lot of tests done because of the diabetes and that isn't the problem. I don't know what is.
I am afraid to keep going like this. I am afraid to get pregnant with my husband for fear of having birth defects. Then I am afraid I won't be able to lose the baby weight. Why? Because I can't lose the weight NOW!
I don't really have a support group. Everyone around me can eat what they want and not gain a thing. My husband, my sister. They all think I am fine the way I am. But they don't know my fear. My fear of dying with a heart attack or something else. I am so scared. My struggle EVERYDAY with food. I don't want it to be a battle anymore. I am tired of it. I am tired of food ruling my life!!
I don't know what to do anymore. I would love to feel good physically. I would love to feel good emotionally. I just don't know what to do.
