shannonm
The Journey
I am 28 years old, married and am currently living in Florida (ughh!). I'm not really sure how I got to be where I am right now. Seems that overnight my weight got out of control. While I am grateful for the opportunity to have this surgery and change my life, I do wish that I still had no idea what gastric bypass surgery is. Now here it is 17 days before surgery and it is truly surreal. I was born and raised in Columbia, SC. Been heavy all of my life. Up until about 7 years ago my weight was still, what I thought was under control, and I loved my curvy figure. Hadn't yet broken into the two hundreds and dancing every weekend was keeping me at about 170. Seems that, literally, overnight my weight shot up around my junior year in college. I never saw it coming, just started buying larger and larger sizes, before I knew it - I was a size 20/22 and completely lost as to what to do. Throughout my life I have tried to diet. From the 10 day (bananas and grapefruit) to Slim Fast, to the American Heart Association diet - I have tried them all. Joined gyms and rarely went, tried pills (xenical, meridia) - that was a harrowing and unpleasant experience and finally gave up and decided to love all of me - big and beautiful. I even joined a modeling agency especially for big women. I was taking it all the way. I could still fool myself because I wasn't that big (ha ha). I mean, I could still fit in movie theater seats, chairs at restaurants, so I thought I was okay. Then about 3 years ago I met my husband (who is also obese and 3 days pre-op), the weight just kept coming. He and ate to celebrate our love and I cooked rich, comforting foods to show my love for him. We increased in size together. Not too long into our relationship, I realized that we were heading down a dangerous road and I stopped all the rich cooking and started to try and support him in his weight loss efforts, still thinking that I was okay because I was only half his size. Not too long after that I realized how much weight I had put on and decided it was time to slim down, thoughts of wedding dresses and children were always at the back of my mind. I went on a medically supervised weight loss program and shed about 30 pounds in a few months, I was feeling great but it seemed that every time there seemed to be hope for us and our weight some tragedy would strike or there would be an enormously stressful event and food reemerged as the most important thing in my life. I managed to keep my weight down to about 230 through our wedding this past December. We both vowed that after the honeymoon - we would give it another go and finally end the battle with our weight. Never happened. I started to put on weight rapidly and now 8 months into our marriage I am 40 pounds heavier and so unhappy I could cry just thinking about it. My husband has been wanting to have the surgery for the past few years but I was dead set against it for several reasons - I had heard and read about the horror stories of stomach stapling, gastric banding procedure, etc and was too afraid of him dying. I am a social worker and therapist by profession and could only imagine the psychological issues that go along with rapid weight loss and complete loss of food as comfort and coping skill. I just knew that with willpower (yeah, right) and personal inner strength it could be done. Well, I've proven myself so wrong. When my husband presented me with information on the local weight loss surgery center I was now ready to learn. I was sold on it during the first visit and by the second, had decided that I, too, would have the surgery - it had become obvious that I couldn't do it alone. We began their program in late March and have been counting down to the time when we could apply with our insurance company for approval to have gastric bypass.My husband's packet was submitted first and he was approved within 4 days. My packet was sent 2 days after his and was denied 10 days later. I was devastated and began to think that surgery was not in God's plan for my life. I began to start thinking of how I was now going to go it alone and figure out this weight loss thing by myself. I went through the motions of the appeal, keeping the first denial in the back of mind but secretly hoping. 17 long, agonizing days later I was approved and time has been slipping away so quickly it's unbelievable. My husband will be having surgery on September 28th and mine will follow 2 weeks later on October 12th. I'm so excited I can barely contain myself. I now have hope that my life can be better, that I can feel healthy again, that I can be the Brick House I used to think I was. God is so good and though it will be hard, I know that he will continue to be my guide, helping me to navigate through this process, be supportive of myself and my husband and experience success
Saturday 10-1-05
The Butterfly Journey….Well, we are 3 days out from my husband’s surgery and I must admit that I was (am) terrified. Though he is doing superbly well right now, I cannot seem to get those first few hours after surgery out of my mind. I had my last appointment with Dr. Webb on Thursday (9/29) and I talked with him about my fears. He cautioned me to not compare my recovery to anyone else’s because everyone is different. He didn’t pull any punches about the fact that there is pain involved but reminded me that it is short – lived. Though my husband felt bad the first day, he was 80% better the next and 90% better the day after that. I am now 11 days away from my surgery date and I have such a nervous feeling in my stomach. I try to be positive for my husband but in my mind I am freaking out. The sane part of me knows that I need to return this to God’s hands and trust that he will bring me through and not let the devil cloud my mind with doubts and fears so that is what I am doing now. I give this to God along with my health and wellbeing. I do know that it is only him that brought my husband through surgery with no problems and he will do the same for me
Friday October 7, 2005The Butterfly Journey Continues…I haven’t written in a while because I have truly been doing some soul searching about the surgery. Though my husband has recovered remarkably well, looks great and is losing weight already – I must admit to feeling a great deal of apprehension. I have not been able to get that first day in the hospital with him out of my mind. I started out being terrified, then I talked with Dr. Webb, who really calmed a lot of my fears. What was left was fear that I will be the one person that everything goes wrong with. Now I know that is irrational and that essentially I am telling God that I don’t think he can handle my problems but that really isn’t it. I mean I do believe that God will take care of me. So… here I am 4 days from the big day – I have butterflies in my stomach and I feel like I did the first day of school every year of my adolescent life. The difference, at least for right now, is that I am not throwing up because of my anxiety. I have my final pre-op appointment on Tuesday October 12th to do an EKG, blood tests, pregnancy test, and x-rays. Hopefully this appointment will go a little smoother than the last which took 4 hours just to do an upper GI and gallbladder ultrasound. Speaking of gallbladders, I have had tenderness and pain for years and I begged my surgeon to just take it during the gastric bypass surgery (since I don’t really need it) but because I don’t have gallstones, he said he is just going to leave it and see what happens. SEE WHAT HAPPENS??!!! One of my biggest fears is that I’ll be like a friend of mine who had the surgery then 11 months later was back in for more surgery because her gallbladder has decided to quit on her. I don’t want to have to have any more surgery unless it is elective – I don’t know that I could go through this anxiety again. So anyway, I start the clear liquids thing on Sunday – I’ll let you guys know how that goes. I’m excited, terrified and elated all at once. I am beginning to see the butterfly in me. I have decided that I am going to stay away from setting a weight goal. Rather, I have a vision of how I want to look and I’ll know that I’ve been successful when I get as close as possible to that image. Worrying about those numbers will absolutely drive me crazy and I don’t need anything else to worry about. I went to the Laparoscopic Weight Loss Surgery Center’s monthly support group meeting last night and it was a great experience. Meeting all those post-op patients who are doing so well really went a long way to inspiring confidence in the surgery and in me. I encourage anyone who is thinking of having surgery or who has had it already to definitely get involved in a support group – it is proven that support groups are effective therapeutically and serve so many useful purposes in a person’s life. Well, I’ve been writing for a while now so I’ll close. Keep me in your prayers! I’ll be praying for all of you!Monday October 10, 2005
Liquids, liquids, liquids. Who knew it would be this hard. Well I guess not hard, just boring. Saturday night (the night before liquids began) I dreamed of food. What is really going on? I’ve never dreamed about food before. Guess my mind is trying to wrap itself around the fact that my life is going to change and food will no longer be at the center of it. Or maybe I was just reeeeaaaallllly hungry ;-). My moods have been kind of unstable for the past few days. I don’t know if it’s PMS or if I am actually going through a grieving process. Because the grieving process is exactly what this feels like. As a therapist, I deal with grief pretty regularly, it consists of several stages: 1. Denial, numbness, shock 2. Bargaining 3. Depression 4. Anger 5. Acceptance. I was so excited about surgery and this life changing experience until it became a reality and then I did truly begin to feel somewhat numb and as if this situation were some surreal dream. I went through the bargaining and anger. I asked God if he would please let this surgery go well I would never eat poorly again and I promised to develop good eating habits (like that happens overnight). Then I became angry that I have to go through surgery to lose weight. Why can’t I be like normal people who get stressed and drop 50 pounds? I am in the depression stage now and really I’m not so depressed about losing food as a dear friend. This doesn’t feel like death, it feels more like a divorce with visitation rights. What I am depressed about is that I allowed my life to come to this point - where I am out of control and need surgical intervention to save my life. Anyway, I’m two days out now and starting to feel more calm and centered about the whole ordeal. My husband is coming along wonderfully and shedding the pounds noticeably – that gives me hope and makes be feel even better about my decision. The butterfly journey continues…Thursday November 3, 2005The Butterfly Journey Continues….It’s been 3 weeks since surgery and I have not been in the mood to get on anyone’s computer but I’m back so I’ll go back and recap for you guys. October 12, 2005Surgery day! I am so nervous. My mom, husband and a bunch of friends came to the hospital with me. Thank God – they kept me distracted. I started to get real nervous when I went into the pre-surgery room to get IV’d, etc but my family kept me laughing. When 7:15 came, Dr. Ong the anesthesiologist came and started the anesthesia. I remember being wheeled into the OR and the next thing I remember is feeling halfway between awake and asleep. Someone was telling me to breath and I could feel the tube in my throat. I started to say HELP because I couldn’t breathe and I started to panic. I don’t remember much else until I woke up in my room in PAIN! That morphine pump isn’t worth anything – it only knocked me out but the pain never left. Morphine sleep is fitful and uncomfortable – didn’t like that at all. The nurse came in and checked on me several times. I finally got up around 5 or so that evening and walked just a short ways. At this point, I am beginning to feel the “Why did I do this?”. I remember crying from the pain and discomfort. After getting me up out of the bed and into the recliner I became very nauseous. I started dry heaving (of course there was nothing in my stomach) and that was the worse feeling. Eventually it passed and the wait for testing in the morning began. Thirst! Thirst! October 13, 2005Still nauseous and in so much pain it’s hard to walk. The upper GI came back fine – NO LEAKS and I got my first sip of water after throwing up the barium in the x-ray room. I continued to sip – ice chips and sugar free popsicles became my friend. Still crying ever so often from the pain, wondering if weight loss could possibly be worth all of this. I started having difficulty breathing – my chest hurt and I was short of breath. Dr. Webb assured me that it was probably the JP drain. Tordal! That wonderful pain medication was a Godsend – it was the only thing that relieved the pain so I could walk but they only gave it to me once – Torture! October 14, 2005The drains came out, Hallelujah! I felt better, could breathe somewhat better. Seems that as soon as the drains were out the hospital staff rushed me out within a half hour. I did not feel ready to go yet. I was still having trouble walking and breathing but… so be it. My husband had to go back to work the day after my surgery so I don’t know what I would have done had my mom not been there. She took such good care of me and made sure I drank and stayed hydrated. Still wondering why I did this though. Just doesn’t seem worth it. Maybe I just underestimated the pain. I certainly did not expect to feel SO BAD. My husband seemed to blow through his recovery – I thought mine would be the same – stupid me. The week following surgery:WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY DID I DO THIS? I have cried everyday at least 4 or 5 times a day since surgery. I feel depressed, tired, hurt, angry, sad and I am so tired of broth and popsicles I could scream!!! My breathing seems to be getting worse. I get out of breath so easily and my chest hurts!! Wednesday (the 19th) my husband came home from work early because he has been having pain in his side that no one can explain. We ended up taking him to the emergency room where he was admitted for more testing. Meanwhile I started eating soft foods today and it’s going well, no nausea or vomiting but still the soreness and being tired and out of breath is getting to me. Thursday October 20, 2005Went in for my 1 week follow up appt. My stitches came out but Dr. Webb was very concerned about my breathing issues. So…I was readmitted to the hospital as well. Jerrell and I were down the hall from one another. His tests all came back negative – thank God. The doctors think he pulled a muscle where one of his incisions was made. Meanwhile, I am feeling lightheaded and weak, my breathing is getting worse. My Mom and Dad came to check on Jerrell and I. A pulmonary embolism was ruled out! So now what? The pulmonologist did absolutely nothing but tell me I might have asthma, prescribe an inhaler and sent me home the same way I went in. Guess I’ll have to get better on my own. My Mom stayed for another day to make sure Jerrell and I were ok – we went home on the same day. My Dad was there for another couple of days to visit with us as well. The Journey continues…Don’t feel like I’m losing any weight. Still sore, can’t sleep at night. Still hurts to breathe but I can tell that I am getting better, guess my healing is just slow. I still haven’t returned to work the following week because of all of the above so I decided to tag along on my husband’s business trip to South Carolina so I can stay with my mom while he travels. I still don’t feel as though I’ve lost any weight but my mom and I went shopping and I could tell the difference in the clothes I tried on – my top is down from a 22/24 to an 18/20 and I can now get into 22/24 comfortably (with room) down from a 26/28 in the bottom. That made me happy but the scale is not my friend right now. I’m continuing to experiment with food and while I was at home I tried all sorts of things from shrimp scampi (I ate 2 med shrimp cut up into tiny pieces and was full) to collard greens and fried chicken. If I didn’t feel full so easily I would think that the doctor had forgotten to do my surgery. At least eating is going well. November 1, 2005Today I had my first battle with food. My husband and I were rushing to get packed so that we could get back home. We shared a sausage, egg and cheese croissanwich (from Burger King) minus the bread and cheese. I think I rushed or I took too big of a bite but I began to feel very unpleasant, then downright BAD and sick and thus my first experience with throwing up since being in the hospital. It was such a horrible experience that it scared me. For those of you who haven’t experienced it – throwing up after surgery is very different than before. I won’t go into details but if you’d like my input email me. Anyway, I got through that but now I’m kind of afraid of eating so I’m sticking to soft things and things that I know I can chew up well. I’m struggling with getting enough liquid. When I was at home it seemed so easy but now that I’m out and about and busy – its killing me. I am also learning about my new insides and how they work. Before surgery if I went too long without eating my blood sugar would take a nose dive and I would get lightheaded and dizzy, weak and nauseous. Now I’ve noticed that that still happens only more frequently. If I don’t eat for more than a couple of hours I just don’t feel right. I try not to eat until I feel full but satisfied so that usually ends up being 3 maybe 4 small bites of something – guess that metabolizes quickly. I am also learning new tastes – things I liked before just don’t taste the same now (well some of them) and now some smells will bother me as well – smells like PROTEIN! Unfortunately protein shakes make me sick to my stomach so I’m having to try and eat more meat and cheese so that I can get protein in – I know that’s why I’m tired a lot. Guess that’s enough for now. I’ll be putting in a chart of my weight loss soon – just don’t really see the point now since the scale isn’t showing me much love. Oh yeah, did I mention that I am still depressed about this whole thing. I’m going with the flow and doing what I need to do but I’m still having the “why did I do this” thoughts but I’ll leave that for next time. Until then! November 14, 2005The butterfly journey continues...Don't let anyone tell you this is easy. IT IS NOT! I am one month post-op. Had my 1 month follow up today. The only real complaint is that my bowels DO NOT move. Anyone else having this problem? I don't feel uncomfortable or anything but I just don't go. It is starting to concern me because, not only am I not losing any weight but I have been gaining it over the past week. Dr. Webb tells me not to worry, that it will happen on its own. He attributes this little issue to retaining water due to fluctuating hormones - something common for women after surgery. I have lost 25 pounds since my last weigh in with him before surgery and he thinks that is just right. And yes, I can feel some of my clothes getting looser and the skin on my arms is getting very loose but it's still hard to tell otherwise. Guess I have to be patient, I know that as a woman of my height and weight I am not going to lose as fast as say... my husband who seems to be melting away before my eyes. I must admit that depression has set in - don't know if it's hormones or what but I cry all the time. I'm tired of feeling abnormal - just not right. I am beginning to regain some energy and feel more healthy but it's slow coming. I have also been upset because I seem to be having more problems eating and drinking now than when I first started. I throw something up at least once a week. I now know that boiled eggs are not on my menu, neither are corn or black beans and that drinking through a straw works the best - who woulda thunk it? So anyway I have gone back to work and that is going well. I'm starting to plot my exercise strategy - I'm thinking low impact aerobics. Starting to want to go dancing - that's a new one. I guess I'll just be seeing where all this takes me. Til next time!By the way I have posted new pics from surgyer on my website so take a look - can't seem to get them to show up on this gosh darn page :-) November 21, 2005Still on that journey...Well things are getting better so that's good. Eating and drinking are getting better if I am careful and pay attention. I am learning the art of throwing up things that don't agree with me - fortunately I have to exert no effort at all to make this happen, my body just says, "Uh uh uh, I do not like that!" and up it comes. Drinking is still a challenge. The art of doing it without all the air and getting enough. Recently I realized that I have been sticking to the foods that go down the easiest (mini tostitos and other crunchy things) but are not necessarily the best for me so I am trying to branch out and eat healthier. Two of my most recent victories - I have lost 30 pounds (respectable) and 18 inches (YES!!!). Also the other night I made the best meatloaf I have ever eaten - I made it with ground turkey and low fat sausage. If you want the recipe email me but I took it from the fabulous Paula Deen and made it healthier. Also last night I made the best sweet potato pie I have had in quite some time and I made it with Splenda and sugar lite - email me for that one too. I wanted my husband and I to be able to have dessert at Thanksgiving, something a little tasty and it turned out so much better than I would have thought. I am now getting into jeans I haven't been able to wear in the last year since I put the extra weight on - small victories people that is what it is all about and I am starting to feel more "normal" - not sick or in pain or uncomfortable. Praise God! I finally got some pics to post to my page as you can see below but I couldnt put descriptions under them so here they are: The Journey Continues...December 1, 2005I am almost 2 months post op and it seems that things are smoothing out. I am starting to feel and look better and I can actually tell that I am losing weight. My clothes are starting to get too big. I actually went shopping over Thanksgiving and was able to get into a size 14/16 top and have room left. My hips are moving rather slowly but I am now in a 20/22 and that's a big difference from the size 26 I was sporting. Drinking and eating are still tricky but getting better. I am having to try and reign myself in from eating the foods that go down so easily because they are not good for me. All things crunchy are easy - I have been a tortilla, tortilla chip and taco lover the past couple of weeks. Thanksgiving was good. I decided not to even try turkey since I have so many issues with the texture of chicken but I did eat collard greens, mac and cheese and my yummy and delicious sugar free sweet potato pie!! I felt like I ate a lot but still lost 5 pounds so I guess the tool was working for me then. I weighed on Monday and am now 243 so that's about 36 pounds lost since my last visit to the Doc before surgery on September 29, 2005. I've posted some new pics below from Thanksgiving. Check in again soon! The Journey Continues...December 13, 2005 Well, I am officially 2 months post op and OH JOY, RAPTURE! (sarcasm), I now have the shingles to add to my list of post operative pleasure. I've had shingles and chicken pox before but thanks to surgery for suppressing my immune system - here I am again - miserable. For those of you who do not know what the shingles are they are a viral infection kind of like chicken pox that affects nerves in a particular part of your body - for me its on the right side of my back and chest. It can be pretty serious in that it can result in permanent nerve damage and scarring. My sweet doctor gave me a liquid medication to take but it is causing dumping syndrome so...the journey continues. The weight loss continues to be slow but steady. My clothes continue to losen up so that's a good thing. I have become less adventurous with food and am sticking to what I know so that is going well. I continue to struggle with staying hydrated so I am working on upping that. I have found that diluted apple juice works well for me. I found a low carb, low sugar apple juice from Healthy Orchard that has only 30 calories per serving and 6 grams of sugar though I still mix it with water. My husband and I are nearing our one year anniversary and oh what a year this has been. We have experienced so much and been through so much together this year. Just want to say I'm glad we're doing this together. You look wonderful and I am so very proud of you. Love you. 'Til next time! Butterflly journey still in progress...January 3, 2005 Well I have finally hit the 50 pound mark! That feels good. For Christmas my mother in law bought me jeans in a size 22 that I thought would still be snug. They fit oh so well. My coca cola bottle shape is returning with a vengence. She also bought me 2 skirts in size 18 and 20 that I did not think I would be able to wear at all and guess what?! They fit perfectly!!!!! I can now wear a size 8 shoe again instead of an 8 1/2 wide or nine becuase my feet were so pudgy. One more WOW moment - My mom bought me a PeaCoat (that I've wanted for years) in a size 16!!! and IT FITS!!! I can even button it!!!!!! Hallelujah! It took a while for this weight loss thing to get underway but it is happening. The pounds are not dropping quickly but the inches, oh the inches and I feel good too. I have begun to do more experimentation with my diet and found that I can now eat chicken. There are still issues with digestion that are confusing - one day I can eat something perfectly fine, the next it just won't go down but that's okay. I have started being able to drink protein shakes again so that makes me feel good. The only major issue I am having is the loss of my hair. The anesthesia and lack of enough protein are really doing a number on it. Thanks to my best friend Dee and my cousin Missy for making it beautiful when you can. My husband is doing marvelous!! He has joined the century plus club and starting to regain his confidence. And he looks AMAZING!! It's like being married to a new man. The only problem is his growing love of clothes and shoes now. Between the two of us we will have to devote an entire room in our house to clothing LOL. Glad that's the least of our worries right now. Well hope that all of you had a wonderful holiday... until next time! January 19, 2006The Journey is still in progress... Well there isn't much to report at this point. I am 3 months post op at this point and just trudging along. I keep wondering what I have been expecting subconsciously about this weight loss thing. Logically I look at the 55 pounds that I've lost and it's amazing. I couldn't have lost that much on my own in only 3 months. The other - illogical - side of me is wondering why it is so slow (stupid I know). I guess the problem is comparing my progress to that of others'. It seems that I am moving so slowly compared to others who had their surgery around the same time I did or even after I did. From time to time that really messes with me. The fact that when I look in the mirror I don't see any difference is also a sore spot - I know that I wear different size clothing now - sizes I havent worn since high school and my first semester in college but the mirror doesn't lie - I still look the same to me - and isn't that what matters? If you didn't guess - I'm a little down now but I'm sure it will pass. This WLS journey is definately NOT the easy way out so DO NOT be fooled. There are so many issues that arise as a result of the surgery - it boggles the mind. I encourage everyone who is going through this process to not be afraid to talk about it with someone, even if it has to be a professional. Our friends and family members who have never experienced this will have a hard time understanding and relating. Anyway, I guess I'm done for today. Off to the gym tonight for step aerobics. Speaking of which - why is it that now that I have started exercising I am gaining instead of losing again? So frustrating but I am going to keep at it. Til next time... January 23, 2005It's official! My hair is falling out - this has to be one of the most devastating parts of surgery. I just didn't expect it so soon. It has been falling out steadily for the last month but I didn't know how bad until I went to have my hair cut this weekend. The stylist looked at my hair and found several places where I am almost bald in the back of my head. She wouldn't cut it as short as I wanted because she wanted to be able to mask those places. I tell you, this WLS surgery this is no joke! I am really trying to get protein in at every meal as well as 2 protein shakes during the day. I am praying that it starts to grow back soon. Anyway - I posted a pic of my new hair cut on my photo page. 'Til next time... This journey is a trip!January 26, 2006As my BAF family knows I am truly frustrated about the inconsistency of my weight. I was whining on that forum yesterday so I'm not going to whine today but only state the facts. This really sucks sometimes. I keep losing and gaining the same 2 - 3 pounds and I don't feel as if I am getting anywhere. Before I could tell that I was still losing inches even if the pounds weren't coming off but now it does not even feel as though the inches are coming off at all. I guess I was expecting the weight loss to be consistent and I didn't think I had to worry about gaining weight this early in the game. I don't know what else to do - I exercise every day, I get at least 64 oz of water in every day, sometimes more, I try to eat protein at every meal and get in two protein shakes. AAAAAHHHHHH! Just thought I'd scream in frustration for a second. This can really be too much sometimes. Pray for me. 'Til next time... February 7, 2006Breakthrough moment! I'm not losing the way I would like to, however, I got on the scale today and was at 221 - I'm hoping this means that my plateau is ending because I could not get below 222 for the past 3 1/2 weeks. But anyway - the Superbowl was on Sunday and I put on a new shirt and jeans and felt pretty good about it. We had a party and it went well, my husband took pictures of everyone. Well yesterday I was taking a look at the pics he took and almost fell on the floor. This is the first time that I have looked at a picture of myself and could actually tell that I look different. I noticed that my formally pudgy neck has smoothed out, my chipmunk cheeks are virtually gone. My eyes look big and pretty because they are not lost in mounds of flesh. My chest, waist, hips and thighs are narrowing. It was amazing and I had to call my husband to get a hug because I was crying from happiness. I tell you, this WLS has so many ups and downs, I'm glad this time my tears were the result of an "up". One thing that I have really noticed makes a difference for me is my support group. I go faithfully to every meeting and it is the most wonderful and therapeutic experience for me. It truly helps to be able to vent to people who have or are experiencing what I am. It helps to be validated and not to be made to feel as if I am crazy for feeling frustrated, depressed, angry, happy or sad. I would strongly encourage anyone who is thinking of undergoing WLS or who has had it to take advantage of your local support groups. If there isn't one, it will be worth your while to start one. On the update side, my hair is still coming out but it's slowing down thanks to biotin and protein treatments from my stylist. At last check, I have lost a total of about 40 inches and am wearing an XL or size 14 top and an 18/20 pants. Whew! Just had to get all that out. I have posted new pics on my website so click the pictures link above to check them out. Til next time... The Journey is getting interesting!Well after a 5 week plateau I think it has finally ended. I went on the protein train for 3 days and lost 5 pounds!! So now I am down to 217. I can't remember the last time I was under 220 (that is so sad). Anyway, I am feeling better overall. I think that eating better makes a big difference. I am also starting to stop regretting having had surgery (does that make sense?). Basically, I do not kick myself everyday for making and following through with this decision. This tool is working for me and I am blessed to have had the opportunity. I have been feeling tired and rundown over the past couple of weeks. I had my blood work done on Friday and I will go see Dr. Webb in Monday and hopefully we'll see what's what. I know that I am probably not getting enough of most of my vitamins except b-12 and I need to do better with that. My husband is still doing great! He is down to 347 now (WOW) and looking and feeling great! His energy has skyrocketed and he is starting to really look like a different person. Thanks for reading! Til next time... March 13, 2006Well things are definately interesting. I got off my last plateau and made it down to 215 and now I am doing that up and down 2 pounds thing AGAIN! I have decided though that I'm just going to go with it and try to keep my eating under control and I will believe that the weight is going to come off. I feel like I have so far to go as I would like to lose at least 75 more pounds and would love to lose 85 more to reach my goal of 130. I am almost halfway there but this sure is hard. My hair loss has slowed down and I am loving my short hair - its so becoming now that my face isnt huge anymore. I am starting to feel sexy and pretty and generally good about myself. My husband looks amazing and is just kicking but in the weight loss game, click on my pics link for new photos of he and I. I am now starting to battle with my former self. The urges to eat out of boredom or stress have returned. I am starting to feel actual hunger again as well. I have developed a love hate relationship with nacho cheese goldfish - they are EVIL I tell you. I crave them, for what purpose I have no idea but once I start eating them I cannot stop and I do not lose weight while I am on a goldfish frenzy. Its crazy but reminds me everyday of why I had surgery. I am finding ways to cook healthier, higher protein meals and desserts with no sugar and that is going well but my water intake has fallen so I am working on upping that. This journey definately continues. I will reiterate for those of you who may read this - a support group is the best thing you can do. It helps you to keep yourself in check and to be able to vent frustrations adn share joy in a safe and supportive environment. If you do not have one - find one. If you have a terrible support group - find another one or email me I will be glad to be your support. It is a most important part of the journey. I had my 3 month follow up at the end of February. Everything was great, all my vitamins, etc were at good levels and my albumen was good indicating that I am getting a good amount of protein. Don't miss your follow-ups - they are important as well. Another thing that has changed for me is now I love to take pictures. I look in the mirror and still see a huge person even though I am much smaller according to my clothes size. Pictures help me to see how much I am changing and that helps with my moral. I scrapbook and am keeping a written record of my experiences as well and I am becoming a new person. It's wonderful! Til next time... The Journey of the Butterfly continues... April 18, 2006Well I have made it to 6 months post op and there are still ups and downs. There aren't many downs as far as food is concerned. I simply stay away from things that just don't go down right and try to eat normally. Not normal for pre-op Shannon but normal for me now. I must admit that the emotional and boredom eating is returning and that is a scary thing. I am now down to 205 and feeling pretty good. I am between sizes like crazy. 18's are getting too big but 16's are still snug so I guess I am a 17 in the hip area. Up top I am wearing a large from the junior or misses dept - talk about being disproportionate! My confidence is increasing little by little and I am starting to feel good about myself with my clothes on. The skin on my arms, back and chest is getting really depressing though. The psychological issues after surgery continue to be daunting. I will lose a little weight and be able to see the difference but after a couple of days my mind goes back to seeing the almost 300 pound me and that gets really frustrating. Most days I feel really huge until I see myself in my clothes and think, "Well, it's not SO bad". Eating is really wreaking havoc on my psyche as well. I am at the point where I can eat much more of some things than I think I should be able to and that scares me. For the most part I feel "normal" and I eat pretty normal things and that scares me too. The other day I ate something and ate too much and got sick - THANK GOD - I was reminded that I am, in fact, still a post op gastric bypass patient and have limits. I'm not really obsessing over how much or how fast I am losing at this point but it does cross my mind that I am six months out and still 25 pounds from being able to join the century club and sometimes I worry that I will never get there but I JUST HAVE TO so I'll keep working at it. This week I am on the protein train - trying to jumpstart my system and get under 200 by the end of the month so wish me luck! Guess that's it for now but just for the record, I no longer regret having this surgery at all. I never would have lost 74 pounds by myself in such a short period of time and my energy and self esteem have skyrocketed. This time last year I was huge and in denial. Today I can look in the mirror and feel proud of myself for the sacrifices I have made to save my life. Thanks to my husband for putting the issue out there for both of us and for pushing and helping me to see the benefits. He, by the way, is doing wonderfully. And thanks to Dr. Webb at North Florida Surgeons for doing a great job and taking good care of me. Til next time... The journey continues. April 25, 2006Ok. I am definately having issues again. The weight loss has been going alright. I went on the protein train last week and lost 3 pounds down to 203 and today I am back at 206 again. Now I expect some weight gain when going from liquids back to regular food again but 206????!!!!! And to top it off I'm having bathroom issues again - I just can't go. That is almost a blessing because surgery has blessed me with a new friend - hemorrhoids. I know. TMI but I tell you what... I never had this issue before surgery and now I have had it TWICE!!! And my mind has begun to slip back into the old mode where I cannot see my weight loss. I feel huge and sloppy and unsuccessful. God help me! Just needed to vent, Thank you very much. Still on this freakin journey... May 31, 2006The butterfly emerges....I know it's been a while since I updated but my husband and I have been in transition. We are no longer in Florida and have moved to the very HOT state of Tennessee. Needless to say, the last several weeks have been stressful and unpredictable, wreaking havoc on my routine and ability to eat like I have some sense. The snacking has been out of control over the past several weeks because we have been in a constant state of movement with no roots. I am happy to say that we have finally settled into our new home and I have resumed cooking so we can get back to normal! I have been on a plateau for the past month or so and had had hopes of getting under 200 pounds by the end of April but alas it was not to happen. Here it is the end of May and I am still not under 200 pounds but it seems that my weight loss has started again as I have gone from 206 to 201 as of yesterday. That felt good to see as I was beginning to get discouraged and feel that I am destined to be huge for the rest of my life. My clothes are loosening up again and I am so proud to say that I am now in a size 16 ladies, YES!! That means no W (for women) at the end. Hallelujah! I can now shop in main stream stores like JC Penney or Sears, hell even Wal-Mart in the ladies and junior department. I am finally seeing some loss in my breast area as well, my bras are getting too big so I am looking forward to shopping for new ones. Exercise has been a challenge, well, let's be honest; it always has been but even more so in the last month because we have been traveling and then living in transition until our house was ready so I have taken advantage of not being settled and sat my lazy but around. I did get a lot of exercise in the last week with moving and getting the house together. We have a steep hill in the front of the house and stairs so now I have no excuse not to get some form of exercise every day. I can't avoid it. The weight loss surgery process is definately a journey frought with ups and downs, successes and challenges - as is any weight loss journey but more so for those of us who are losing weight too rapidly for our skin to catch up. I feel great about myself in clothing. I think I look good and I wear things that are flattering but boy oh boy when the clothes come off - its devastating. My breasts are just a saggy mess, as are my arms, the insides of my thighs are starting to show signs of saggy baggy elephant syndrome as well and all the firming creams and lotions are not going to help. Now I know that plastic surgery may be an option in the future but I sure don't want to have to go through surgery again. Especially something more invasive than my weight loss surgery. From what I've read and seen, the recovery is worse, the risks are greater and there is so much pain. It's depressing to think that surgery may be the only option I have to feel good about how my body looks even after I've lost all the weight. Oh well, worries for another day. On a brighter note - Jerrell is looking wonderful. He is struggling with his own body image issues as well I am sure but he continues to lose and look healthy and be active. I am so proud of him. Til next time... June 12, 2006The Butterfly Journey is getting interesting!HALLELUJAH! I have done it! I have made it to One-derland! I never dreamed I would be at 199 so soon. Lord knows I haven't seen One-derland since my freshman year in college. Praise the Lord! I have to say that this moment makes surgery and all the subsequent heartache worth it for a about a minute (because now I am on to my next goal - 170) because I could not have done this on my own. It feels so good to be out of the 200s and the morbidly obese range. Just need to share this with everyone and Thank God over and over again for the opportunity to save my life. Right now I am struggling with food so I am so thankful for surgery because it is continuing to be a tool for me that is working. Continue to pray for me! Til next time... The Butterfly Journey Continues...July 24, 2006I am about 9 and a half months post op now and getting discouraged once again. I made it onederland only to get back up over 200 two weeks later. I am back down to 196 now but I am struggling for every OUNCE. I'm also back at that stage where my body is starting to look (to me anyway) like it did when I was 279 and that is really discouraging. I know it is only my mind trying to catch up to my body but it freaks me out. The loose skin is getting worse, especially on my back and my inner thighs and I am beginning to think I look worse now than I did before. All is not lost. I have not given up, just given over to a little anquish and dispair for the moment. I know it will get better. Just venting as usual. Til next time! October 3,2006It has been a long time since I've updated because there is nothing to update. I am still stuck and discouraged but trying not to panic. I probably can't be too positive right now so I wont' whine and cry. Suffice it to say that I am two weeks away from my one year anniversary and I have been STUCK for the past 3.5 months. That sucks. October 17, 2006Well... Here I am 1 year later and boy has this been a journey! I can truthfully say that I am pleased that I had surgery. I would not have lost 90 pounds on my own, however, I am still about 40 pounds from my goal which seems daunting at the moment. If you have read my page you'll see that I have struggled with the decision to have surgery (after the fact) and struggled with my body image, the evil goldfish (ha ha), comparing myself to others, not being able to see the difference in my body and so forth and so on. I won't say that those battles have ended or even that I have won but I am feeling stronger. I am getting to the place where I have accepted that this is MY journey and MY experience and, of course, it's going to be different from everyone else's because ITS MINE. I continue to struggle with my body image and still feeling like I weigh 280 pounds, I continue to struggle with those evil goldfish and other crunchy things from time to time but I'm ok. This is definitely not the easy way out of obesity, let me just tell you that. This has been harder than anything else I have done in my life and its going to continue to be hard as I work through my psychological issues and continue to work with my tool to try and whittle away those last pounds. I am happy that I took this step for several reasons - my marriage has improved greatly! Now that food is out of the way, my husband and I have gotten to be really good friends on a different level. We talk about different things now, we look forward to different things now and that has truly been a blessing. I have also gotten stronger spiritually - hey who else do I have to look to and to thank for all that has changed in my life over the last year. And, I have made some wonderful life-long friends through obesity help and local support groups. I now feel prettier, I am hAbout Me
Cordova, TN
Location
32.8
BMI
Surgery
10/12/2005
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Sep 11, 2005
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
How did I get here?
278lbs
1 year, 2 months Post Op
191lbs
