Hungry

May 19, 2009

Ok, I realize that I may seem a little nuts today.  Maybe I am.  So I went to my 6 month follow up yesterday against my better judgement.  I've really been at a plateau lately.  Every couple of days I step on the scale up 2, down 4, up 4 down 1, up1 down three.  I'm bouncing all over the place.  I really didn't want to go to my appt because from the time I filled out the survey (the one the doc has us fill out prior to appts) last Friday until I stepped on the scale on Monday - I gained 5 lbs.  In my head I was attributing it to water weight or horemones.  So the Dr. was perfectly nice - didn't lecture me or anything.  Of course, he glowed on and on about how great Rob has done (blah blah blah).  He told me I had plenty to be proud of and have done better than many of his other patients.  He said that I have not been blessed with a good metabolism and that 180 is probably the lowest I'll go unless I plan to become a health nut/workout junkie. W.T.F!?!?!?!?

I'm pissed and freaking hungry!  I cannot seem to satisfy my urge to eat constantly (yesterday and today that is).  I keep telling myself its all in my head - that I'm not really hungry.  I am trying to avoid the carbs because from what I read carbs=bad news.  So here's what I've had today: 1 mini quiche (ham as crust), 1 slice Very Thin Bread, toasted, Peasant Soup, spinach pie and snackers.  I think that's not bad!  Ok, so I probably didnt need the snackers (see first sentace of this paragraph).  Even right now, I'm hungry!  I need to lock myself in a room with a hunk of meat.

Let me just state for the record, I'm not opposed to becoming a health nut or workout junkie, I just didn't think I'd have to do that to break the 200lb mark.  Don't get me wrong, I'm working out 3 times a week, walking the dog, riding my bike and taking yoga - I'm no slouch!  I'm WAY more active now than I have been in years!  This is effing ridiculous!  And to top it off, I look like crap today - my fat rolls are bigger than ever.  I look like I've gained 40 lbs.

Lord please help me to deal with this in a healthy manner.  I'm sure most of what I've written today isn't even true, but it is how I feel right now.

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