shawnawrites
14 months out. Things that should be in that barix bible!
May 07, 2009
I am learing how many tools or suggestions are out there for those who have already had the surgery. I am going to add some things on here...if it helps cool...if not...well, I hope you can find what does. :) This whole thing is about learning and there are stages in the learning.My husband:
had his surgery 6 months ago and has lost 10 lbs. His hold up has been his fills. He didn't get to where he felt anything until about a month ago. It's sooo hard and boy do I see him get discouraged and feel hopeless. I do think there is one setback with the surgery...long tedious moments between fills. I believe we should be able to get our fills every 2 weeks from surgery. I know they say "let yourself heal" but, by the time the healing/life regiments/etc happen a lot of people have lost their enthusiasm about the process. I wish I could see doctors speed up the fill process. There are a lot that believe if I comment and it involves me disagreeing with the process they have to defend...for those...again...this is my opinion. They also may think I am ungrateful to the doc...not true! Here is why: My husband went into this a food addict and well, he still is. We don't miraculously quit being food addicts just like people with addictions are always addicts. If we all could have followed the diet plans in life...we would have never needed surgery right? So, him not restricted and not being on pureed food well, it's like he was just through another diet and failed. The hunger comes back, the plate fills up more and more. The fills being month a part...it's hard! He had his surgery 6 months ago...he is now at that spot needed to feel restriction and he's at 10CC's. That's six months of being able to eat whatever he wanted.
Now with that said... He now has his fill and it has given him the gusto to get back up and dust off. He started walking with me again and thankfully there isn't a scale around for him to weigh in because if he didn't see results with all he has gone through I couldn't imagine his disappointment.
Now for me...
I had my surgery March 14, 2008. I lost 20 lbs right away because I ended up getting thrush from the surgery. My weight loss since has been a slow ride. I will say my will power and want is a lot stronger than my husband but, my weight loss was also slow. I went from Nov-April struggling with one flippin pound. I'd gain/lose/gain/lose that doggone pound! I just started losing weight again 2 weeks ago. If you asked me my workout schedule...you'd be shocked because it's a lot. I have officially lost 63 lbs since surgery. On May 14 it will have been 14 months! For a lot that is not fast enough and if you go into this/lap band and think it is fast...well, it's not. This is coming from a girl who walks/runs/weight lifts/etc There are days when I just would slump into a depression because I was doing what was needed. I had a lot of obstacles that took a lot to work out and I still have them. 1. is with the thrush came puking etc. Well, I puked on the protein powder so imagine my trying to get protein in. The smell even today makes me sick. That has been hard. I also do not like salmon. Finding high protein foods ...it's a process.
With this said... don't go into surgery thinking this is the fix. It's not... you are the fix! The holidays are still filled with food to get fat on, party stores still sell candy bars, grocery stores still have chips, the fast food restaurants are still out there, friends still want to have desserts ...it's hard. Oh the fish sandwich at McDonald's is 640 calories and a Strawberry margarita is 740. Shocking huh? I believe every freaking moment is a learning moment. Here are some things I have learned.
Now for the after band process of learning
1. I can still drink diet pop...and after having a pop addiction since age 11...this is a strong magnetic pull...but, people are correct...pop=cravings...even if it's a diet pop. Just like an alcoholic sometimes has to avoid certain things that remind them about drinking...I have to avoid pop or I crave that candy bar that tastes sooooo good with a nice fresh .63 cent pop!
2. THE SIZE MATTERS! If you find yourself not being able to eat...swallow...etc. Perhaps you haven't reached a certain aha moment. I was told cut things into the size of a kernel of corn or an M&M. I did this and I learned to like cold food. Yeap, I go against a certain rule in order to do this. I eat while doing other things. I find if I sit there with my food in front of me the slow process is hard to deal with. I want to take the next bite and have it over with. So, I talk with those around me, I sit at the computer so I can sit the plate aside and wait a moment, I watch tv. Yeap, I know the rule in the barix bible is sit at a table NO distractions...but, I need to be patient...eating takes a long time...and food gets cold. I needed to learn pace and if that called for distractions...then so be it. Oh, and sometimes people think they are too filled...but, honestly, it's just you are not cutting the pieces small enough or eating too fast. This is a big one for men.
MEN:
I have found men have a harder time learning about portion and bites. some not all women though were taught to take small bites because it's lady like...but, a man taking a sub and shoving it in his mouth is acceptable to see at a picnic. SOOOO with that said...already some women have an advantage of a small adjustment to bite size and some men get stuck with sub mentality and think..."oh crap...why am I vomitting...I must be too filled! Am I? I am taking small bites!" (not realizing the bite isn't small enough) Another gauge...if you can grab a hot dog and take a bite, chew a few times and swallow...there is a chance you are not filled enough. Eating a whole hot dog with bun is hard on a filled patient...unless you eat the hot dog first and then rip pieces of the bun. We as patients...our sweet spot should not mean we can eat a whole turkey burger on a bun. Salads take time. Oh, and well done steaks... yeah...I did away with those things...or the dried out roast...blah!
Oh, and another thing... chewing obsessively will not mean you can eat that hamburger and bun either. My husband was saying "Why? If I chew it until it's nothing...why can't I eat a bagel?" Yet, he can eat a whole burrito, then some rice, and if he wanted...some other thing he could find to put on the plate. Yet, he can't seem to eat that bagel. So, is he filled enough? Hmmmm... not really ...he just can't eat bagels. .try these things first. Try eating some soup and then eating something else. Is it morning? Sometimes surgery is about problem solving. I hope all these suggestions help you problem solve so you aren't getting a fill, taking it out, getting a fill taking it out, etc. It's a learning process that takes a lot of purging to figure out the science of it all.
3. Becoming a conscious eater. This was a big one. The part where I look around and see how the rest of the world eats and think...OMG...people don't taste their food do they? I def. taste each bite. I think about each bite. I put my serving of beans on my plate RIGHT AWAY! If I don't...people will grab grab grab and then there I sit...wanting to eat beans but, I was too late. People sometimes are soooooo busy eating they don't notice the lap band girl eating slowly and plans on beans but, wanted to eat her meat first and in case she doesn't have room she doesn't want to dish out beans just to throw them away. DISH THEM OUT!!!! People are NOT going to be polite and ask you if you planned on having any before they scoop their seconds.
4. Become a food strategist... I look at the plate and think...yeah I might want the potatoes the most...but, I need to eat the meat first and then if I am hungry still...then I'll go after the other stuff. I do this with salads too...I eat the toppings and then if I am not full I attempt lettuce. (yesterday I ate turkey, blue cheese, pine nuts FIRST then my romaine.) Why get stuck on lettuce and then not eat lunch? In the mornings...well, some of us can't eat...but, if I eat soup first...I somehow can eat other things later or at that moment. When you see your food look at it like a football coach looks at his opponents...divide and conquer. I HAVE to do this. If I don't then I starve and the candy bars at circle K can make my low sugar body cave! So, I had to learn to pick the most important foods first...then anything extra last. First meat, then beans, and if I am not full...maybe some potato. First the soup, then maybe the shrimp.
5. It's not about low carb etc. It's about eating healthy foods and portions. If you try to live with some of the rules ...well, sometimes it fails ya. Here's a rule we are taught in our barix books ...don't eat tomato soup...too much sugar. Well, here is my rule... half cup of tomato soup when I am having a bad day with being able to eat (whether it's time or some days my restriction is more) is NOT going to make the world blow up, nor is it going to make me gain a pound. I write it down...and work with my later meals. This is not a gastric bypass solution...bypass people will dump. I can go to lunch with friends...see the menu is nothing but fried...but oh look tomato soup...do I not eat and get sick later? Or do I just eat the dang tomato soup? I EAT THE SOUP! (yes I know...look ahead at the menu...well, sometimes people call at 10:50 to say they need to talk and can I meet them for lunch at 11:10 at so and so restaurant...well, I go...she's upset... and well...not time to see what's on the menu LIFE HAPPENS)
6. GASP...sometimes the boards are not healthy. I know...kick me. If you are on your period and haven't lost any weight for a really long time ...well, coming to the boards and hearing other people's success can leave you in this self abuse attitude "What's wrong with me, I can't stand this, why can't I lose weight, why can't I just live with being fat so this doesn't hurt so much, gosh, I am such a b**** because I should be happy for so and so but, I feel upset." Yeap, when you are in a depression or stall ...sometimes taking some time off of the boards can help. Oh, and not getting on scales.
7. Don't tell people I had the surgery! Gosh, people can do sooooo many things that are rude. 1. Oh, you took the easy way out. 2. My friend had that and she's fatter than ever...so, it's only going to last for a little while. 3. My husband would never want me to do that...it's such a selfish route when you could die all in the name of losing weight...you are lucky you didn't leave your children motherless. 4. So, did you have surgery or something? You look great! Oh, you did...OHHHHHH (in a surprised voice...this one is upsetting when I know I am eating right and exercising and the band alone hasn't done me anything but, made me not eat as much) .... I could go on and on and on with what people say. Sometimes it's easier to just say "I exercise and eat right." or "Thank you." I do have people who know...but, I learned within the first few months ...as EACH one of these were said to me.
8. The FEEL of true hunger. I never realized that i had NO clue what hunger felt like. When I have only 15 minutes to eat and I choose lettuce...OMG then I eat one leaf and am stuck and have to leave before I can eat more and then can't get to food until 3 hours later... THAT is hunger. This feeling has helped me to strategize better. I feel my stomach ache, growl, want, and ...well... I needed to eat the easier food first! My husband JUST learned this one.
9. Exercise is for life. Yeap, even when you get to goal....exercise will still be needed...you WILL be old and decrepit and STILL need to do some water walking, mall walking, or something. The weight does not stay off without exercise.
10. Hide the scale during periods!
11. Cereal for lunch is good! Soup for breakfast is also good. Let go of the NORMS and just do what's good *for you*
12. Throwing away food will not starve some child in Africa! It's okay... it really is okay to just toss that salad you couldn't finish ...don't sit there and hope or stick it in the fridge and hope...just throw it away and let go of all that flippin guilt that was taught!
Oh, I could go on and on ....There are some hard ones like...people who are truly hurt when their fat mom/friend/etc gets to a size that is either the same or close to theirs. This is a hard one. I told my son the other day that I have 11 lbs until I am in the 100's He said "well that makes me feel good." in a sarcastic, disappointed voice. I felt bad for his feelings...I mean he's such a giving kid and my weight loss is making him wonder who he is and is he okay...if we are ever the same weight...what does that mean? I tried to turn it into a joke.... "Well, THANKS" with a smile. "No mom...I mean...well you are big boned I guess...not that you are fat etc." He loves me...doesn't want to hurt me...and so I said...Nick, I am obese...I know this! Don't worry about hurting my feelings at all. My son btw isn't overweight...he is tall...he runs track but, he's a 14 year old kid who has long ago passed my height. Seeing himself at 170 and me losing ... well, it makes him wonder if he's fat. So, yeah, that part sucks. By the end of the convo I had him laughing his butt off.
The part that I wish there was a better process to learning. The truth is...everyone learns different. My husband JUST reached the "full is not when you are stuck...it's the couple bites before that." He is now not vomiting as much. He is now working on portion sizes...he gets his plate full, eats, then stops, then realizes ...he can't eat the rest...He has NOT learned the "throwing food away is okay" so, his mother's voice is still in there going "You best eat what you put on your plate MISTER" so, portions pretty soon I am sure will go down for him...hopefully...I am sooo tired of throwing out food he feels guilty for leaving. This will help him realize the portions he dishes out for others is WAY overboard. He thought he could eat the plate if he just chewed, chewed, chewed...well, not true. Plus, why put OUR portion confusion that got us fat onto the next generation.
Oh, another thing I have seen...the friend who is shocked at your dinner menu.
Friend "So, whatchya having for dinner"
Me "Fish and broccoli."
Friend "IS THAT IT?"
Me "Well, yeah, broccoli is pretty filling and fish is great for ya..."
Friend "What are the kids eating?"
Me "The same."
Friend "is that enough? JUST fish and broccoli?"
Me "Well, they can have all the broccoli they want and if they get hungry later they can have a snack. I wouldn't let them starve."
Friend "I can't imagine not having THREE things...you should have one more of something!"
Now for me... I start second guessing this menu...I then find myself making potatoes with it. Sean and I don't even touch the potatoes...and we have left over broccoli (that he swears someone is going to eat as he puts it in the fridge due to starving kids in Africa) because the kids filled up on potatoes.
Now for a week later with friend
Friend "Uhm...I want you to know you have me eating more veg tables."
Me "How so?"
Friend "I realized I need to eat more fruits and veg tables instead of feeling like I have to have all these starches. A person can eat a dinner without starches. I come from a southern family and life is all about sides. We sometimes had six different sides. I can't imagine eating chili without a peanut butter sandwich. I can't imagine eating fajitas without refried beans/rice/ and one more side. I realized having fish with broccoli is okay."
Me "Cool"
Truth is...I learned that I was right...we didn't need the darn potatoes unless we wanted them.
I'll shut up now.
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About Me
MI
Location
35.2
BMI
Surgery
03/14/2008
Surgery Date
Oct 28, 2007
Member Since
