Debbie R.

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NEW DOCTOR... NEW HOPE


February 19, 2012    187 pounds         I HATE MYSELF    


May 14,2011  172 pounds 

I haven't posted much in the last couple years... Just too depressed. I am not sure I will post again until I have something possitive to say... which may be a longgggg time. 



January 3, 2010  168 pounds   Oh My Gosh it's been so long since I updated this. You can tell by my weight there's not a whole lot of change. In the last 2 months I have had 2 fills. I don't feel a difference in the amount I am eating. My doctor doesn't want to give me a fill for several months. He said he is at the limit he has ever been with fills. I need to start exercising. Tomorrow I am going to check into a gym membership. I hope to see a difference soon.


July 3, 2009   171 pounds   I had another fill on July 1st. I had a little bit of restriction before my fill and I was afraid of being to tight. I told the doc to just give me a drop. I think he did and now I seem to be perfect. I am eating my 1 cup of food and not hungry for 4 hours.  171 today... the 60's are closing in. I am going to be moving in a few weeks and right now I am busting my butt packing. I hope to be down at least 5 pounds by August 1st. I am sweating alot of calories away  lol


June 2, 2009    176 pounds   Gosh I haven't updated in a long time. I am going reallllll slow with my weight loss. I wish the scale would move a little quicker. I guess I should be glad it's moving downward at any pace. I celebrated my year Bandiversary May 5th. I posted my 1 year 65 pounds gone pictures. I still fell the same way as I did before surgery, my head thinks I am still fat but when I look at the "before" pictures I am amazed at the difference. I can't believe I ever looked like that. 65 pounds is alot and I am proud of myself for that. I couldn't imagine lifting 6 ten pound bags of potatoes. I have been thinking about getting a teeny tiny fill but right now my surgeon is firing his entire staff. He has been unhappy with the way they have been running things and he will be moving to another office and sharing their staff. Once they settle in I will go for a little fill. Sometimes I get stuck but other times I can eat a horse. I think the reason for getting stuck is from not chewing good and taking too big of bites. So, maybe with a tiny fill I should eat the way I should. Because of my past experience I am a little scared to be too agressive. I don't want anything to go wrong with this band.


March 11, 2009  181 pounds     I got a fill of .50cc, I now have 6.75cc in my band. The first 2 days after my fill I thought I was too tight. Water "gurgled". Then things settled down and I am at good restriction. I hope to see the scale move. My doctor said I might lose another 10 pounds but without excersise I won't lose any more. I have to get my butt in gear. I say that all the time but I really need to if I am going to get close to my goal weight of 140.


March 1, 2009  185 pounds     I got so excited about seeing a 7 in my weight. It was very short lived. In the last 6 weeks I have gained 6 pounds. Seems like I am hungry all the time. Some of it is head hunger but most of it is actual growling stomach hungry. I am going for another fill next week. I hope it wrks.


January 10, 2009   179 pounds   I finally see a 7. I have been in the 180's for so long, it's nice to be in the 170's now. I have real good restriction. I don't PB as much. I am finally learning how to eat so i don't get stuck and throw up.


December 21, 2008  185 pounds  I tried to quit smoking but it only lasted 10 days. It was 10 days of torture. I had another fill on Dec. 17th. I now have 6.25 in my band. I have noticed a difference and I hope to see the scale move downward again.


December 7, 2008  191 pounds   WTF!! I have gained 6 pounds in 16 days. I stopped smoking on the 1st and I think that has something to do with it. I seemed to have lost the restriction i had right after my fill. I know I am not eating what I should and I need to exercise. I will try to do that. I have a fill scheduled for the 17th. I was thinking about cancelling but i will keep it and get a little tweak.


November 22, 2008  185 pounds   I have pretty good restriction. I am down 4 pounds in a week. I like to see the scale going down.


November 14, 2008  189 pounds  I had another fill 2 days ago. I now have 6cc in my 10cc AP Band. I think I have pretty good restriction. I get full fast and not hungry for a few hours. I hope this is my "sweet spot".  


October 26, 2008  193 pounds    I jumped the gun a little announcing my 50 pounds lost. I have gained a little back, so I am not there yet. I am thinking I need a little tweak of a fill. I will ask my doctor if I can go in soon.


October 18, 2008   190 pounds     50 pounds gone forever... half way there.


September 26, 2008   194 pounds    I had a doctor appt on the 24th. Dr. Clapp put .5cc in my band. I now have 5.5
Wow, I can real feel the restriction. It is not too tight but it is sure making a difference. I am eating way less and getting full quicker.
I know if I would exersise, I would lose weight quicker but i just don't have the time or energy. Maybe that's just an excuse but That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.


September 5, 2008  198 pounds   I went for my follow up with Dr. Clapp on August 26th. He wanted to look at my insision to make sure it was ok. It has heal real nice. I think the scar looks better now than it did the first time. During my port surgery he added 1cc of saline. I asked for a tweak on August 26th and he said it was too early, he wanted the scar tissue to build up a little more. I have some restriction but i would like a little more. I have another appt for a fill on Sept 24th. Not sure how much he will give me but anything will help im sure. My weightloss is slow but I have lost 40 pounds since my journey started July 2007. I am glad to finally see the scale moving. I saw a friend that I haven't seen in 8 months, I asked him if he noticed the weight loss and he said no. I was 30 pounds heavier, there has to be some difference. I got a little depressed but i know i have lost weight and I can see the results. That's all that matters.


August 19, 2008    199 pounds   OMG ONEderland!!!!


August 16, 2008   202 pounds   Yesterday i had my port repositioned. The doctor was supreised that it had turned around again. I wasn't too suprised. A few days ago i got a real sharp stabbing pain my my port area after taking a deep breath. I am still in a lot of pain. I hope i can return to work in 2 days. My doctor said he was going to put another cc in my band, I don't know if he did or not because i was so "out of it" during the procedure. I will have to ask him on my follow up on the 26th. If he gave me another cc that will put me at 5cc in my 10cc AP Band.


August 6, 2008   203 pounds    I went for my 3rd fill and the doctore was unable to access my port. He was concerned about a flip and sent me to xray. Sure enough, the port had completely flipped over. Metal side up. I didn't even feel anything. You would think it would be painful but i felt nothing. We are trying to get in touch with my insurance company to approve the surgery to flip the port back where it should be. We are hoping to schedule it for Friday Aug 15th.
I am really feeling depressed. I have been through so much. I know I shouldn't let things bother me so much. I've always been one to blame myself when things go wrong and this time i am really freaking out. After my appt and all evening i cried so bad. Why do things keep happening? I had a friend tell me several months ago.. "Bad things happen to me because i let them". What did i do wrong? How could i have prevented all this from happening to me?



July 12, 2008  208 pounds   I haven't posted anything for a long time. No changes to report. I had my second fill July 9th. The doctor gave me another 1cc. I now have 4cc in my 10cc AP band. I am now 4 days out and don't feel restriction. I will go for another fill next month. I hope that one will help.


May 28, 2008  210 pounds   I had my first fill today, 3cc's in my band. Liquids for 24 hours. I feel great except for the lack of weightloss but it will come soon enough.


May 15, 2008  210 pounds  Yesterday I had my first follow up with Dr. Clapp. I am down 12 pounds since my surgery 10 days ago. But i think anyone living on liquids would lose weight. He said to stay on my liquid diet and I can add cottage cheese and eggs to my diet until I see him again in a 3 weeks. At 10 days out, I feel great. Completely pain free, not even my port hurts and I am able to sleep on my belly. I feel so much better this time around, both mentally and physically.


May 8, 2008  223 pounds   4th day out of surgery and I feel real good. Woke up with almost no pain. I will just use the liquid tylenol instead of the hydrocodone. The scale is moving downward, I guess the water weight after surgery is going away. I am still on liquids. I have been drinking water like crazy, I've been sooooo thirsty. The liquids are going down real easy. My first surgery it was hard to even take sips but this time around I can take normal swallows, not sure if that is good or bad. 


May 6, 2008   228 pounds    Yesterday i had my band replaced. The surgeon said the band was wrapped around the fundus (fat pad) and not my stomach. There was alot of scar tissue. I don't understand why the radiologist who did the UGI the day after my first surgery didn't notice it wasn't placed correctly.
I am a little sore (of course) and real thirsty, I am drinking tons of water but just can't seem to satisfy the thirst. While at the hospital, they kept checking my sugar and said it was high, they gave me 4 different insulin shots, I have never had to take insulin and I'm wondering if that's the reason for me being so thirsty. Unlike before where i had to sip my water, this time i am able to take regular swallows. I am real dizzy, i guess that's from the pain meds.
 I weighed myself yesterday before leaving for the hospital and just weighed myself now, i GAINED 7 pounds.  Wow, that must be from the IV fluids and all the water i've been drinking.


May 5, 2008  222 pounds    GET MY NEW BAND TODAY!!


April 30, 2008  220 pounds   My doctor called me this afternoon and told me he got the insurance to reverse their decision. I will have my Vanguard band removed and an AP band placed on Monday May 5th, exactly 10 months after the first band. I was really scared about getting another band but I guess I never had the chance to experience what it's like. My insurance won't pay for the sleeve, so if I want to have wls it has to be the band. I am really scared. I am more scared this time around.


 April 28, 2008  222 pounds     I Just talked to my insurance company and they DENIED my removal/revision... WTF!!!
After 3 UGI/Barium Swallows it clearly shows my band is not around my stomach. It needs to come out!!!

Edit: The office manager at my doctor's office called the insurance company. They have waived the paper appeal process and have set up a "peer confrence". My doctor will speak directly to the head of the insurance review board on Wednesday at 3:00. She told me she is sure the doctor will convince him to reverse the denial. My doctor will call me after the call to let me know what happens next.
I want this thing out!!  I don't want another one. I am going to ask my doctor for the sleeve. If he can't do the sleeve, then I don't want anything.


April 24, 2008  223 pounds   I feel so much better after seeing the doctor yesterday. He answered all my questions. Last week was a real hard week. It didn't seem like i was going to get this thing fixed. But now, everything is looking good. The lady at the doctor's office talked to the insurance company on the phone and faxed everything over to them. Yesterday afternoon she even spoke to the case manager and nurse that will be reviewing my submission to get it approved quickly. When i asked the doctor how long it will take to have the surgery after approval he said "I don't see a reason to wait, do you". He does surgeries on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays, but he said he will do my surgery as soon as we get approval. He said I don't have to be on a special diet or liquids for days before surgery. They will do blood work the morning of surgery. If I get approved this week, I can have surgery as early as Monday. He said the operating room is booked for the week but he'll see what he can do. I would feel bad if he has to postpone someone elses surgery for me. He said even though the surgery takes about 45 minutes, he wants to reserve the operating room for 3 hours. He said the worst part of the surgery will be the scar tissue that has formed around the band, so depending how bad it is will depend on the time. I told him if he can't put another band on safely then I want the  vertical sleeve. We looked at the film of the upper gi done the day after my surgery and even though it's not as clear as the upper gi i had done last month, it looks like the band was placed wrong from the very begining. Geeeez, my life has been a rollercoaster for a year now, so many ups and downs. Last week I was definately down and this week is a good one. I hate to get over excited about something so I don't crash so hard when it doesn't go right, but sometimes it hard not to.


April 20, 2008   223 pounds   My depression worsens. I thought my doctor's office had sent the request to my insurance already. Friday I talked to the lady who was supposed to do it and she hasn't yet but said she was "right now". She calls me back a little while later and says there is a problem with my insurance, they have my birthdate wrong. After several frustrating phone calls to my exhusband's employer (where i have my ins. through) the birthdate was finally updated, but of course it was too late in the day and the insurance company had already closed for the weekend. So we'll see what we can do on Monday.
I was so hoping to have the band replacement by now. When my doctor discovered the band was placed wrong he sounded concerned and sounded like this was something that needed to be corrected asap. It's been 3 weeks since he said this. When i spoke to the lady at the doctors office about needing this done right away and asked her how long she thinks it will be before i can have the actual surgery. She said at least 30 days. I about flipped out. I started crying hysterically. I told her to please talk to the doctor because i was under the impression that this was urgent.  I want to talk to my doctor, but she says he doesn't come to the office till Wed., I am going to try and talk to him then.
Two weeks ago I got a phone call and was told I have been chosen for a job that i applied for and interviewed twice for. It is a good job, lots more pay and full benefits. I explained to her that i had to have surgery soon and she is willing to wait for me. I start May 19. So I really need this surgery done asap. If I have to crawl into the job on May 19th then i will.
My mind is racing with thoughts of "what is going on in my stomach, if the band is not placed right, is it damaging things, is it causing scare tissue for futher complications?"  I just want this fixed!!!
Friday afternoon was a very emotional and devasting day for me. I starting crying at 3 in the afternoon and didn't stop till I fell asleep at 10 at night. The last 9 months have been so overwhelming it's hard to put into words.
To try to explain my feelings lately I found a "poem" online......

Giving Up   

Sometimes I feel like giving up
My life is just too much
I want to separate in to the night
And let my life pass me by
Please god, put an end to my life
If you can, do it tonight
If I die,
No more heartache
No more pain
No more unhappiness in my brain
I am nothing to this world anyway
If I die
No one would care
I would slowly vanish into the air
So screw my life
And screw my job
Screw my life
I’ll soon be where I belong
As for now, ill drown in my tears
Thinking about my many fears
You don’t have to worry no one does
The end of my life is a must

I know these are harsh words but it is how I feel lately.


April 15, 2008  223 pounds  The scale is going the wrong way. I talked to my doctor's office yesterday and she told me they will be sending in the request for surgery to my insurance company today. The insurance company said they only take a few days to get back with an answer. I wouldn't think they would deny the request. This is an urgent surgery. I have been having alot of discomfort on my left side near my port for about 2 months, some days are worse than others. I am hoping to have this surgery next week. 
I am excited to say I am starting a new job. When they called to tell me i was chosen for the position, I had to tell her about my surgery. I told her the surgery won't be for 2 weeks at the latest and 2 weeks to recover. She told me yesterday that they will wait for me. This is a good job, pay is alot more than i'm making now and it comes with full benefits. I am starting to see a glimmer at the end of the tunnel.


April 07, 2008   220 pounds   Dr. Clapp's office faxed the request to Texas Tech in Lubbock to transfer the pictures of the UGI from the day after my banding, July 6th, 2007. Texas Tech said they will overnight them to Dr. Clapp. I called the insurance company and they told me they usually take 3 or 4 days to approve a surgery. I am crossing my fingers that Dr. Clapp gets the films tomorrow and works on and gets the request to the insurance company by the end of this week. Maybe I can be banded the week of April 21st.