sleevegirl

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So, today makes 4 weeks since surgery. I've been stalled for two weeks. I'm SO annoyed, but I'm not freaking out. It just feels pretty crummy to still have incision and muscle pain and be eating weird (and very little) and not be losing even an ounce! Argh! I keep reminding myself that I won't be the only person on the planet to eat less than 800 calories per day and be fat. It's physically impossible. Right? Right? Right? ;)

Still, I've lost 23 pounds in those 4 weeks and 20 pounds the two weeks before. 43 pounds in six weeks isn't too shabby. But still, freaking MOVE scale!

I came back from a four day business trip a few hour's drive away. It was a lot of fun, but I got tired pretty easily still. It's a long day, starting at 8 and ending after dinner (or beyond). I think between the surgery pains and the lack of calories, I was just wiped out. I did it though and I had a great time.

Not much else is going on. I'm excited to be on soft foods and away from purees in a couple of weeks, although I do admit that that a few times that there's been no other real options, I've ordered roast chicken or grilled salmon, chewed it to death and eaten it with some sort of dressing or something. I had no problems at all.

Reminders of my good news (for myself LOL): I feel good, I am off blood pressure medications, I've lost more weight in the past six weeks than I have managed on my own in at least a decade, I haven't thrown up, I don't have a problem drinking or eating, I've had no major complications...

If I could get someone to do a "move your ass, scale" dance for me, I'd love that :)

I do need to get off my butt and into a better exercise routine... that will be my goal this week :)

So, as of two weeks post op, I was losing at a good clip. Then I entered the 3rd week. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks exactly. I've not lost a single pound this week.

I'm not freaking out. It's normal. I'm consuming 500-700 calories per day at this point. I am NOT going to be the only woman in the world to not lose weight on that low of a calorie intake.

So, I'm not freaking out. But I AM annoyed! 

I also feel like I'm eating constantly. I'm supposed to have 3 pureed meals per day, but still meet my 70 protein requirement. So, it takes me a while to eat, then I wait, then I drink a protein drink. Then it's time to eat something again. And I'm eating like 2 oz at a time. Argh!

So far, everything I've eaten goes down pretty good. The fist food I had was chicken and my tummy didn't like it, just made me feel icky, but since then, it's been fine. I do have to go slow or I get icky feeling. Slowly introducing new foods and so far, nothing has been a real problem though.

I started with adding cheeses like cottage cheese, laughing cow, ricotta and have moved on to beans and tuna (my sleeve LOVES tuna salad!) and eggs. Just keeping at it. I purred up some soup the other day. I'm not a big soup eater so it's not my favorite thing to do, but it was nice to get some flavor going (it was creole chicken). I also added hot sauce to my scrambled eggs. I seem to want really well flavoried stuff. I figure this is because I'm eating so little that when I do eat, I want max flavor. *laughing*

I have a business trip coming up in a few days. I'll be gone four days. This should be interesting... I did get a fridge in our room and I'm driving so I plan on bringing protein drinks, individual containers of yogurt and cottage cheese and just doing the best I can. 

So, today I got to start real foods and my vitamins. Thank goodness for vitamins. That B-12 this morning really got me going, I'd been dragging really bad the past few days. The Celebrate vitamins are weird, so big and chewable. I'll be thankful when I'm cleared for swallowing my old horse pills again. *laughing*

So, today, I didn't even LOOK at Isopure... this is what I've had so far:
Breakfast - 2 oz cottage cheese
Snack - Light Swiss Laughing Cow wedge (OMG, those are so good)
Lunch - Pure Protein shake (vanilla cream)
Snack - Teaspoon creamed brie (yes, I have a cheese problem, I know, been craving it like crazy)
Dinner - we went to Chili's. They were SO accomodating. I had about 1/4 bowl of the green chili and chicken soup. The server was SO nice, she knew ahead of time and took it to the bar to have them blend it up really good for me, even checked to make sure it was warm. I also ate a couple of spoonfuls of mashed up black beans. I brought home leftovers - probably 3 more meals. LOL. Seems so weird to me.

I've only gotten in 42 grams of protein (I need to get at least 70) so I'll be having another shake later tonight I think... I kinda wish I was hungry, at least a little. I'm basically eating because I'm supposed to at this point - but, man, that soup was so good. It was weird looking, but it tasted SO amazing. I was never a Chili's fan, but they were so nice and so discreet that I'm a fan now :)

I'm two weeks post op. I've lost TWENTY-TWO pounds in those two weeks. Say that with me. 22 pounds. That means that I've lost 42 pounds in four weeks (lost 20 during the pre op diet).

Holy Moly! I'm thrilled. I know it's temporary and I know my loss will slow. I also know I have a whole lot to go, which is kind of sad that I let my weight get that out of control, but the point is that I'm doing something about it now, right? I feel "great" about that part, but I've been feeling really really run down the past few days. Moreso than after surgery. I think it's lack of nutrition and vitamins... but...

Today I get to start full liquids and purees. Yay!  I also get to start taking vitamins again. Double Yay! So, I chewed those Celebrate Vitamins (I seem to like those better than Bariatric Advantage - plus I kinda hate the word bariatric for some reason - yes, I know). And now, I'm sitting here eating 2 oz of cottage cheese. I'm going slow and it appears to be going down just fine. And, OMG, it's the best cottage cheese EVER. 

The whole not drinking while eating is going to be weird. But I've got the top of my water bottle closed to remind me. The vitamins are a bit confusing. I wrote on the lid B, L, D or N for Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Night so I know when to take them. You have to space out the Iron away from the Calcium.

Anyway, happy to have moved on from clear liquids. I was going Iso-Nuts with the Isopure. So much sweet stuff. It was making me a little crazy.

Onward and Upward!

I have never really felt all that fuzzy with my prior PCPs. I've had two through a large multi-location clinic here in Austin, but it's like a cattle call. They rush you in and rush you out and it's just a pain. My doctor also wasn't supportive of surgery and didn't want to hear about the differences in the sleeve and others that she had all this horrible experience with. I just didn't agree with her often. I felt like she dismissed me too often. I am more than a paitient, ya know? ANYWAY... so I told myself that since she had ultimately agreed to sign whatever paperwork I wanted because I "technically met the criteria" that I would change to a small practice (I seem to like those better and over the past few years, we've changed all of our other providers to smaller practices).

Today, I met with the new lady I found and OMG, she actually listened to me. She knew what surgery I had and knew the differences. She has other paitients that have had great success with it. She's a bit younger than I expected, but I kind of like that, she seems to take time to research things. She took her time. She wasn't buzzing around asking a million questions. She actually let me ask stuff and tell her what I thought and then either agreed or asked if I thought about XYZ. It was an actual conversation instead of being barked at. LOL. I also found out the new one sees HALF the paitients in a day as my old one. No wonder she wasn't rushed!

So... I'm going to have my records transfered to her and we'll draw all new blood labs in six months to see where things stand and how I've changed in that direction. The big shocker was my blood pressure. It was really low right after surgery and has since stablized right around normal. I am just waiting for it to go back up to start back on my pills, but she said at this point, it would be higher again so she's pretty sure that it won't. Apparently, just losing the 25 pounds that I lost might have been enough to get off the meds. I'm still a little skeptical and she said to absolutely start back on them if it goes up more than a day, but she thinks I'll be fine.

Wow. I'm not sure I believe it, but how cool would that be?

I really need to exercise more. It's starting to affect my head. But I can still only walk about 5-10 minutes at a time (well, shuffle really) because my tummy muscles are still so sore. It sucks, but I'm hanging in there.

I'm a week out today...

So, I mentioned I hired a counselor that specializes in weight loss. I'm sure she will  think I'm off my rocker - or maybe this is normal, but while I haven't really had any emotional breakdowns about food, my brain is totally screwed up.

Other than broth (which I am not overly found of), everything I can have right now is sweet. Sweet Isopure, Sweet jello, sweet Popsicles. It's not even sweet, it's overly sweet. It makes me gag. Imagine eating cake all day every day. Sounds great for the first day or two... yeah. I'm SO tired of sweet things. I'm seriously looking forward to being able to blend up soup or puree some cottage cheese. Something. Anything! Although I'm terrified of food right now, to be honest. I'm not even hungry.

I also think the Isopure might be making my tummy upset. TMI, but I've had some really bad gas and not-quite-diarrhea (there's nothing going in solid, so it's weird). Anyway, just gotta keep going until Friday when he'll hopefully clear me for something else.

I've also had some really screwed up dreams. I keep dreaming that I go through a drive thru and order like 12 meals and come home and eat it all. What's so weird is that I was never a binge eater (not saying I haven't binged, but it was very rare). We also were never big on fast food. I don't wake up scared or anything, just amused. Maybe that means that I'm scared I'll be the one person in the world that this thing doesn't work for? Or maybe I just really want a Big Mac? Or maybe I'm just nuts?

The other weird recurring dream is that I have this huge hole in my tummy that I can see my stomach through. It's not a gross hole, it's like a HUGE belly button with a clear bottom. I realize this sounds funny and it kind of is. Again, I don't wake up scared as this seems completely normal at the time I'm dreaming it. I won't even hazard a guess as to what the heck that means. I'm going with the "nuts" thing.

My stomach muscles are still SO sore. I really wasn't expecting this. Everything I read said people were up and going to work and moving around and had no pain. It hurts like heck to get out of bed. It's to the point now that I can get out of a chair without agony, it still hurts though. I'm not good at this patient thing... or patience for that matter. I have things I need to do. I have places I want to go. This whole recovery thing sucks. I want to go to the pool, I want to walk around without being slightly hunched over. I want to go back to the gym... wah! I'm also a whiner, I know. It's temporary, it will get better. blah blah blah

I quit taking the Lortab, it barely took the edge off of the muscle pain and I think it was lowering my blood pressure and making me feel funny. My blood pressure was 90-100 over 60-70, so not bad low, but that was without me taking my medication. I went off the Lortab, emailed the doctor and he said to not take it until he saw me again. My bp has now been 110/75 or so, which I feel much better with. I'm still monitoring it several times per day. If it gets high, I'll start back on the medication. I'm sure this is some fluke and  the little 25 pounds I lost since all this started hasn't lowered it that much. LOL.

Um, that's it for now... just keeping on keeping on...

So, my first big outing was last night. Hubby needed a few things and I needed to get somewhere that I could walk for a decent amount of time. It's hot here and I can only do so much because my tummy really hurts when I walk for more than a few minutes. We talked about the grocery store or Target, but those are usually really busy and the aisle are narrower. More chance for someone to accidently bump the cart and into me.

So, off we went to Wal-Mart. I'm not a fan, but the big aisles and "we have everything" was perfect. I was able to take it really slow and strolled around for 20 minutes while he flitted around getting produce, a few meats and things we needed. It was great to be moving around for that long. My tummy is really sore and being able to lean on the cart while I walked was absolute bliss. Hubby had a great idea! I'm less sore this morning so I wonder if that helped or not. It definitely helped with my state of mind! I really needed to get out of the house.

I finally dropped a couple of pounds today. I had gained five after surgery that didn't want to go away. Fluids or whatever. I wasn't obsessing but didn't mean to weigh this early out. I thought I might have after feeling my clothes on me yesterday. Glad I jumped on this morning. Helped my psyche.

So, I did it. I had my surgery on June 21, 2011 at North Austin Medical Center (St. David's). I must first say that the staff at this hospital was completey and utterly amazing. I did not have one nurse or one person that I spoke to that wasn't 100% pleasent and reassuring and just genuinely good people. You know how you can tell when people like where they work? These folks must love it. They really are an amazing group of people. I simply cannot say enough good about the staff. 

We arrived in the morning, went to a little room where I changed into a paper gown thing for surgery. I started my period that morning (of course!) and they don't let you use tampons so I had to use their pads and these weird mesh undies thing. Whatever. It was fine. We waited around and froze. I sent the husband out in search of a blanket because it was easily 10 degrees back there. We waited quite a bit, I was getting nervous and then all of a sudden people start coming in quickly. I'm not even sure who all we saw, but first was Dr. Ganta and then the flood gates opened, nurses, OR nurses, Anethesiologists, at some point, the nurse gave me a pill. I can't remember what it was, but I think it was to help me calm down. Heck, the pope might have come in at that point, there were so many people coming in and out and asking me all the same questions over and over again.

I remember hubby giving me a kiss, being wheeled back to the OR, feeling nervous but not wanting to get upset like last time (because I woke up feeilng the same way). I noticed that there was a sign on the OR door that said "latex free" - Yay! And then I was being asked to scoot over to the other table. People started strapping me down and I heard the anethesisologist go by my head and said "you're going to feel a little funny, I just slipped you a mickey", I giggled and next thing I know she's telling me to breathe deeply through the mask and...

Next thing I remember is waking up in recovery. They were telling me where I was and that everything was okay and I was just there to hang out. I don't remember much, just dozing in and out and them coming by and apologizing that my room still wasn't ready. I do remember the lady in there was SO nice to me. She noticed I was a little cold so threw another blanket over me and kept apologizing. I was fine.

To the room, we went a couple of hours later where the husband was waiting. I wasn't nauseated and I had dialiuad for the pain on contininusous and I had a little button I pushed. I just kept pushing the button when it lit up because I'm a wimp like that. I pretty much stayed in bed for the rest of that afternoon/early evening. I would get up to use the restroom, but I was not very steady at that point. I dozed in and out, sent a few text messages and talked to the husband.

I sent the husband home that first night to get some sleep and woke up around midnight and felt pretty good. I coughed and I saw a dark spot hit my gown and freaked out. I called my nurse for a fresh gown and she came in and we saw it was old blood. I wasn't expecting that, but apparently it's not uncommon. It was old. She said I may have swallowed some into my lungs during surgery but it was old and nothing to worry about. I coughed up a little more, but it eventually stopped. She was really good at making sure I knew it was okay and not freaking out on her. *laughing* We walked the big loop around the ward a few times, I got really tired and went back to sleep.

Hubby came in the next morning and they took me down for the barium swallow (leak) test. OMG. I hadn't had anything to drink yet and they give me this disgusting stuff and tell me to gulp it. It hurt. I won't lie, I started crying a little after because it really hurt going down. No leaks, so back we go where I'm allowed ice chips, then water.

I made hubby walk the halls with me several times and we waited for Dr. Ganta to come and release me. They let me have some broth and jello, which went down reasonably well. The doctor hadn't shown up by dinner so they let me have some more broth and jello. Again, no problems. We walked some more. The doctor showed up around 8:30 or so, maybe later, as I recall. He was in surgery at another hospital. I thought it was awesome that he still came in to see me and make sure I got released.

As far as the hospital goes, again, my level of care was TOP NOTCH. If I ever need to go to the ER, I'm totally heading there. I was amazed at how amazing St. David's North Austin Medical Center was. I never felt looked down on, I never felt silly for any concerns or questions I had and any time I really needed someone, they were there. I will also say that checking in and out was really easy. I'm not sure if that is because I was self-pay or what, but it was a breeze.

It's been 4.5 days now. I was expecting the incison pain and to be tired, but I have really bad abdominal pain under my largest incision on the right. It feels like a badly pulled muscle. It only hurts when I stand up or sit down or otherwise use the muscle so I'm guessing it was either cut into or bruised really badly. It started hurting the day we got home and is only slightly better now. It helps if I push my hand against it when I'm walking or getting up/down. I cannot wait for that to stop. It's making it really difficult to walk around :(

I did call the doc about the pain and he called in Celebrex, but I realize I cannot take it. It's a type of sulfa drug (albeit I might not have a reaction to it, I'm not taking a chance of getting hives on top of everything else right now LOL). Not his fault, I called after hours and he said he didn't have my chart in front of him, I just forgot to mention it because I was in pretty bad pain. I'm just taking the Lortab liquid and dealing with it for now. Lortab isn't really helping much, but I'm hanging in there.

As far as being home... I fall asleep just sitting in a chair. LOL. I'm really tired. To be expected. What I didn't expect is that my blood pressure has been pretty low (for me). Like 90/60 or 105/70 or so. I haven't taken my blood pressure medication since I got home and am monitoring it. I suspect it has to do with the surgery, IVs and pain meds. I'll start back on it when it goes up, but until then, I'm just leaving it alone. One of my steri strips already fell off (on day 3). I took the dressings off the day after we got home because I have reactions to adhesives. Good thing becase there are already several places that had little blisters. Ugh. Dealing with the itching it caused without messing with the steri strips. I had 6 wounds, two tiny 1/3" ones, three that were maybe 5" and one big one that is probably 1.5". The big one is where under the abdominal pain is.

Other people eating doesn't bother me. I still LOVE the smell of food, but I have absolutely no desire to eat any of it. I've been having Isopure clears, broth, jello, SF popsicles, etc.

Because I was self pay (insurance didn't cover), I'm now worried about any after complications so I'm following all the rules. Eating only what I'm supposed to and doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. I'm getting in right at 64 oz of fluid. It does burble a bit going down, but no real pain. I have gas bad (seriously, my first born for a fart, people!) and I'm walking as much as my sore tummy will allow.

So, that's the update!

I've been fat for over 30 years (since I started pre-school). I started looking into surgery options around 2005, but between finances, insurance issues and, well, being scared of out my wits... yeah. In 2009, I went to a seminar given by a surgeon, who from all of my research looked great. I've spent years reading up on him from time to time and following people here on OH who used him to see and... today I met with him to take those first steps. I'll still be self-pay (darn insurance carriers so totally don't get the costs - between my CPAP machine, the blood pressure meds and everything else, I'm one expensive lady!). 

I'm still a little scared. What if I'm in that little bit that this doesn't work for? What if I finally lose all of this weight and then gain it all back (I swear, I've lost 2000 pounds in the past 20 years, over and over again)? What if something goes wrong? What if... what if... what if. 

I own my own business, so I'm also worried about that. My team is great and they'll cover for me, but I also have travel coming up. In order to not lose my mind, I'm opting to wait a couple of months. It will let me get the cash together and it's between big trips so I won't be trying to recover while trying to be all business like.

I know the surgery is 70% me and only 30% of the surgery. It's up to me to make it a success. I've been going to a trainer for almost 2 years. I walk and ride the stationary bike at home. I don't eat crap food (I just eat too much good food!) I have the tools and I have the willpower to utilize them. Now, I just need the extra tool to make it happen. I can do that. I know I can. I'm ready. It's my turn to gain my life back. I want to get off of my meds, off of the damned cpap machine. I want to run and play with my kids. I want to sit in a booth at a restaurant, for crying out loud!

I will say that I have my attitude going for me. I've always been a pretty happy person. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe that I make my own destiny. And this appears to be it...