A prayer

Jul 30, 2009

First, the good news: my credit application with Care Credit was approved, so I'm good to go financially for the VGS.

But I confess to some pre-op nervousness.  Mostly, it is simply going under anesthetic and getting laproscopically poked and stapled and whatnot.  Even though I've had my appendix and gall bladder out already in two separate surgeries over the last 12 years.  The voice in my head (you know the one) is saying, "Bear, you could really lose weight if you wanted to.  You don't need the surgery."

Then I look in the mirror and remember the yo-yo weight.  The Phen-Fen saga.  My wife having to lift my belly so we can have intercourse.

In my present condition, I cannot win the struggle against food.  I need help.  God, please give me the courage to have this surgery and do what it takes to make it successful.  I can't keep on like this.  I am tired of being the fattest guy in my family.  I am tired of being embarrassed.  I want my wife to be hot for me again.  I am only now realizing how long I have stuffed my self-loathing into my belly and the self-fulfilling prophecy it has become.  God please open my eyes to the truth and let me be free from the chains of fat I wear.

 

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