specdeb
Me, how to describe me??? hmmmm, not an easy task for someone like me to talk about myself.
Here goes............. I am a wife and mother of 2 grown children. I work with families who have disabled children, go to church and study groups, like to read, loom knit, camp, dance, snuggle my pets (dog & cat) and spend time with my family. I spend most my days at home in my office; talking with parents who struggle to get services (for their disabled kids) from school districts. I like to cook and eat. Food is my comfort, my friend, my lover, my replacement for feelings (happy, sad, afraid, nervous, etc.). I was taught at a very early age that food solved everything. It was what you turned to when you had a feeling. I come from a childhood where things had to look good from the outside and parents who had no idea how to nurture healthy spiritual growth.
AT 9yrs old I weighed 165 lbs. My mom tried to help and took me to a Dr who gave us a diet plan and a script for diet pills. Back then they were amphetamines, plain and simple. Well, any motabalizim I had was changed to depend on them and when I didn't have them I slowed down, felt awful and you guessed it, I ate. From that time on, my body was a mess. Then had 2 kids which gave me a license to eat and I let myself eat. My body decided it would play the game with me and my highest weight was 266 lbs. I yo-yo dieted the rest of my life. I am a professional dieter. I tried all the gimmicks, liquid diets, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystems, more pills, became a Vegan, then a vegetarian, then back to eating meat, etc. etc. and even more etc.... but they were to be be a temporary fix because when I reached my goal weight I would tell myself that "that is the last time I will ever be fat." And I would skip off thinking that I had solved the problem.
I know the right way to eat, I have done it and lost weight. What I didn't do, was face my feelings. My husband worked from 2pm to 10pm. I stayed home with the kids and got lonely. I knew I shouldn't be, but I was. I was holding in crap from my past that made loneliness unbearable. I had to do something to escape it. I knew how to cook and made it a focus of my life. I loved making breads, cakes, cookies and all the stuff that packs on the pounds. It kept me busy and it was something I could do with 2 little ones in the house. Food became everything.
It still is. Now I am 51 yrs old, have hypertension, arthritis in my hip and knee, migraines, sleep problems and feel pretty crappy most the time. It hurts to get up and down, it hurts to take walks, I get so tired. To add more fuel to this fire, I have depression. I heard about WLS from my friend, she had her's 2 yrs ago, has lost over 100 lbs and is able to walk 5 miles a day, dance, chase her kids. Looking at the change in her life for the past 2 yrs got me interested in the surgery. About a year ago I started talking to her about it more and more. Finally one day I let myself think that I might be able to do this for myself. I am still struggling with it and each day feel stronger and stronger about doing it.
About 2 months ago, I made an appointment to see my PCP, went in to see the PA and explained my story. She said if I found the surgeon and the hospital I want to go to she will refer me. I searched for a surgeon, found him and the hospital. It took me 2 weeks to gather the courage to call my Dr.'s office. Then called the PCP's office to get the referral. Scrrreeeeech! I was stopped in my tracks. The referral nurse told me that the "head" doctor of that practice does not refer anyone for WLS. They do not support it! Now I am on the hunt for a PCP that will support my decision and give me the referral I need. From there, we will see.
I have read on the group how people have struggled to get authorized, how long it takes and at times I think I will give up and just keep eating. Then I talk to my good friend who is healthy and know that WLS can change my life. It looks like it is so far off in the future that I can't visualize it in my head, the being healthy part. So, I will get back on the phone and start my search for a supportive medical team.
LOLOLOOLOLOL, wasn't it me who said in my first line that it isn't easy for me talk about myself. hahahahaha we created a monster.
Thanks everyone who is on here supporting each other. Thanks!
