st_mel
Told the family
Apr 26, 2009
Tuesday, the day of the WLS seminar with the surgeons, is my mother's birthday. I drove up to visit my family to celebrate my mother's birthday since it's during the week, and, as much as I love my mother, I'm not driving 4-5 hours round trip on a weeknight to celebrate her birthday.
I told my mother first that I want RNY. She listened, I showed her some of the resources here on OH, and discussed my future health fears, and the health problems I'm having now. She is for the surgery.
I started to tell my father next (he was napping while Mom and I talked), but we were interrupted by the first guests arriving (more family). We finished talking this morning, and he didn't say much. I know he's been concerned about my health. At this point, I think he's on board.
My aunt and cousin were talking about how they wanted to do a Biggest Loser type thing with the family, $100 each, biggest loser gets the pot. I hadn't intended to tell them last night, but they were including me. I told them I would not be participating, and they wanted to know why.
I explained everything to them, less in depth than my mother. My cousin is against it. My aunt said she'll support me whatever I choose. My sister is worried about my health after the surgery. She will support me, but I know she's worried about it.
My mother tried to explain to them the mind set that I do not believe I can lose weight, and be healthy, without the surgery. I have tried so many times, and I've never gotten below 185, and I was 20 the last time I was that low. I haven't been below 200 since.
I think part of the problem is that they don't realize the mental sense of being overwhelmed by having more than 100 pounds to lose. My sister and aunt were talking about how hard they worked to lose 25 and 30 pounds, and how frustrated they are with themselves that they've gained it back. I have to lose at least 4 times that, and, as much as they mean well, they really don't understand. They don't understand that I feel as though I'll never be able to lose it all without the physical tool of the surgery. I've done structured plans, and I've never lost more than 20 or 30 pounds. And I've gained all of that back. WLS is a physical limitation to help with the permanent lifestyle change. I realize that the surgeon won't be doing anything to fix my mind, but I believe that by enlisting the help of my family, my psychiatrist, my doctor, and my friends, that by the time my pouch has stretched out some, as we all know it will, that I will have made those mental changes.
They want me to start the diet now. I recognize that's probably a good idea. At the same time, it's harder in a sense that I don't have a small stomach currently. It takes a lot more to fill up my stomach now than it will after the surgery. I don't have that tool, so I can't rely on it to help me stick with the plan. I also realize that I also want to enjoy everything that I can now, because I know that I won't be able to after the surgery. Almost a sense of wanting to enjoy it without consequences while I can.
I am resolved to have the surgery, because I believe it is the best thing for me. But I want my family's support, because I also know that I can't make the mental change without their help. We are social eaters. When we get together for a meal, there are munchies, too. Chips, dips, crackers, spreads, veggies, tarts, desserts. All of that in addition to the meal itself. We use food to celebrate. And I need them to help me find other ways of celebrating when we're together besides sitting around eating.
I want to be able to bend over to pick things up without having to squat and bend my knees because it hurts my back and my belly gets in the way.
I want to be able to shave my legs without having to contort into weird positions to reach the backs of my legs because my belly is in the way.
I want to be able to roll over in bed without having to use the headboard for leverage because it hurts my back to roll over.
I want to be able to sleep on my stomach again without waking up at some point feeling like I'm suffocating.
I want to be able to sit up straighter because my boobs are lighter and aren't pulling me down.
And I wonder if my feet will touch the floor when I sit in chairs because there's not so much fat on my bum and legs raising me up.
