I need to find myself

Aug 20, 2011

I dont know what to do anymore. I went on a low calorie diet before and was doing great then I got off the diet and gained all the weight back plus some. I have been married for 2 weeks today to the greatest man ever. He has always been a great support for me. I have 2 sons from a pervious relationship and he claims them as his own. I am so disapointed in myself because I had a beautiful dress but I just looked so terrible. I have not ever been as big as I am now. I just feel like im losing this battle and I dont want to. My husband is a little skinny guy though he is 141lbs and claiming he is to big now. I however am over 260lbs and just don't like it at all. I have a problem saying no to food. After I do something I am so upset with myself because I know that I messed up. I want to get to where I have more control over myself. I would love to weight 125lbs but right now would be happy with 180lbs. I remember when I was 180lbs and at that time I said I was so fat. I dont know why I didnt try doing something at that time to keep me from getting to where I am now. I have always turned to food for anything and I know in the back of my mind that it is the enemy but just can't stop. I am not sure if I want the surgery or not because I dont have insurance right now. I would like to try to excercise again and eat healthy. I wish I had someone close to me that needed to lose weight too so that I could have someone to excercise with and talk to. I am so embarassed at how I look. I know my husband loves me but I would love to give him a wife that is healthy and able to go on hikes and bike rides. I have my fingers crossed that I can do that for not only him but me as well. I am scared that if I dont get myself on the right path that im going to end up causing myself lots of health problems and potentially death if I can't stop. I want to find myself so badly!

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