starbucksiren
I was born 9lbs, 11 oz. I wasn't a fat baby, I was average. During my childhood, I was average, and during my teen years too. I was abused as a teenager by my stepfather, and when I was in college I had an abusive boyfriend. I learned to cope with my emotions by comforting myself with food. As I became a young woman, I found my career and new social freedom exciting, I worked out at a gym, and was a real head-turner. I seemingly had it all. I met my husband, and we started our family. Soon after, I was diagnosed with depression, and could not lose the lbs from pregnancy. My tall, 150 lb body soon turned into 200+. I tried diets over and over again, only to gain back more than I was originally. I watched as my mother became diabetic, and gave herself insulin shots. I lost my dad at age 43 to heart failure. My grandmother to breast cancer. I kept using food to comfort my emotions. Pretty soon, my husband and I became at odds, after I gained so much weight. We do not want to divorce, but we are at a turning point. Something needs to be done to correct my eating addiction. He is willing to help me, to cheer me on, but it has to work this time. I spent $37,000 on a personal trainer last year, which did help, but my overeating, binging undermined the entire year's worth of training. I have spent thousands more on diets, books, videos, and pills. I am not as heavy as some are, but if I let this behavior go unchecked, it would only be a matter of months before I would become 300-400+ and diabetic. I hate shopping at Avenue and Lane Bryant and Dress Barn. I hate that my clothes are like sacks. I hate that I sweat when everyone else is freezing, I hate that I outweigh my husband, I hate that I can't enjoy treats because I am afraid people are judging me when I eat them, I hate that everything relates to food in my life, I hate that I am too embarassed to wear a bathing suit in public, I hate that I have a big gut, I hate that my profile looks so out of proportion, I hate when people think I am pregnant and I am not, I hate failing at losing weight.
