sugarrae_115
I'm a 37 year old woman who like most people on this site has been overweight my entire life. By the time I was 9 years old, I was wearing a training bra. By the time I was 13, I looked like I was about 21years old. I'm the only girl and the youngest child so my mother was very over protective. I lived in Newark NJ at the time, in the inner city so I was never allowed to go out and play for fear of bodily harm. My favorite past time became watching tv and eating, You can imagine how the story goes. By the time I graduated from high school I was about 200 pounds, When I went to college, My mother began having complications from her diabetes and she had her leg amputated in 1991. I was devastated. I was ready to quit college and take care of her. However she refused to let me and encouraged me to go on. By 1996 she had to go on dialysis. This was the beginning of the end. My eating was totally out of control and I had ballooned up to 285pounds. Looking at my mother who had become a shell of herself by this point had me so scared that I was going to become like her that I joined a gym and lost 50pounds. I was wearing 235pounds when she eventually died in 2001. However I fell into a deep depression, and got mixed up with the wrong man and ballooned up to my highest weight of 314. I relocated to GA hoping that life would change and get better. i have been taking care of everybody else and have let myself fall by the way side. IT has taken me all this time, to realize it's time that I take care of me. I'm a master's level social worker by profession and I'm always looking out for others assisting them in reaching their goals and aspirations, After caring for everyone else and neglecting myself, I now have HTN, early diabetes, irregular periods, chronic back aches and other ailments, I am now on the same course my mother was on before she began to decline and eventuall pass. The one place I did not want to be I'm at. I'm so afraid of being on dialysis, or going blind or having my legs amptuated, I know that this isn't the life that God has in store for me. I'm so ready to be in the body that I yearn for. However even more important , I want to live a long happy and healthy life. I'm sick of being on medicine, feeling shortness of breath, having back aches, etc. I want to enjoy life to the fullest & I know that I can't have that life at this weight. I want to be able to run a marathon, or go hiking. I want to be able to go dancing without passing out, I want to able to walk in a room and not be embarrased by my size and I want to get married and have a family, I'm so greatful that there is WLS out there so people like me can have a chance to live a normal life. After intense research, I want to have the RNY. I believe that this surgery would best fit my needs. I'm so excited about my decision and look forward to what's to come. I know that God loves me and I want to love me and see myself as he sees me. A strong vibrabrant, vivacious and beautiful woman. I'm ready to get out there and live, love and be the person I feel inside, but now I want the body to match.
In the words of Jill Scott;" I want to live my life as if it's Golden". Lord I thank you for this life and I want to be able to live life to the fullest and I can't do that at this weight and size. I want to be able to shop in regular stores, and run wild in free if I feel like it. Go scuba diving and jet skiing and ballooning if I want to. I want the next 37 + years to be much happier and healthty than the lst 37years. I made a commitment this last new years eve that 2007 would be the last year that I would be this large again and now I'm ready to make that dream an reality. To everyone out there who is looking at making a change, I would go for it. Life is short, don't wait till tomorrow what you can do today and don't let fear rule your life. With God for you who can ever be against you. To God be the Glory forevever and forever more.
Till next time.
