Nicole C.

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So i just had my first bad expierence. I ate some turkey lunch meat, that was really thin, but i just ate it too fast. It had been stuck for a few hours, i kept hoping it would go down but it wouldnt....so i finally threw up...thank god, now i feel ok....yah so i learned my lesson, eat super super slow!!! aggggg...that sucked!
I dont want to go to work tomorrow lol
blah
night

About 6 weeks out


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I had have a great week!! This has just been a fantastic time, which i so needed because i go back to work this week!
Wednesday was scion night at knotts scary farm, so Melissa, Jaime, Stephanie, and I went, for free!! We also saw Breanne and peeps, and Candice was there too, so it was so fun....I love scion night, there was a ton of pimped out boxes, it was hot...i want my scion pimped lol. Also which was super cool is Xibit? played like a free show, and we didnt even know he was gonna be there, so it was really cool. Anywhere there is music i can move to, makes me super happy! So my sister and I went on bumarang, and the entire time i was so nervous that i wasnt going to fit...and i was getting so stressed out...well i fit!!! lol and it was fun! i dont think ive gone on that ride since like 8th grad! wow! we also went on supreme scream, and some mazes and saw a hypnotist, it was really fun.
Friday the girls and i went to bounce, and we all looked super cute!!! Jaime got hella drunk, which was great. I had a great time dancing...i saw Kevin from OH there, so we danced and talked it was fun times.
After getting no sleep i woke up saturday, ran some errands, and then hung out with chia and melissa , went shopping...and had my first WOW moment...lol...i needed some new jeans, because mine are all falling off of me...sooo torrid here we come ..lol...well i tried on these jeans pre op, and i think they were a 22 or 24....well um...yah Nicole bought a size 16 yesterday!!!! OMG lol.....it was awesome i was jumping up and down in the fitting room, it was so cool...I dont think im really a 16 yet,,,the jeans are stretchy, but still....i havnt owned a size 16 since like 9th grade or some shit...
We then had another night of dancing at the bfl...and i got a little buzz...it was fun times!!!
PLus I said hi to my cute neighbor the other day, and then last night i knocked on his door and asked him to take pictures of us ...lol...he is super cute...yay!

So yay for a fantastic weekend,its gym time!!

Things have been pretty good these last two days, to my surprise. Yesterday I didnt do much, but Caroline and I went for a walk in Newport along the beach, we walked for a while, it was really nice. How i would love to live in one of those adorable houses on the beach. There is also this school on the beach, which was really random, well we played on the swings...good times! Caroline is a great friend, and a great person to talk to, which is good seeing she kind of a professional at it.lol. I filled her in on the recent guy situation, that continues to just tear me up inside, which makes me so pissed at myself. In life I have been through so many situations, and been soo strong but when someone fucks with my emotions, my trust, my heart, and my love....I just become weak and vunerable, and i hate that. There are very very few men, that i trust and talk to in a certain way and tell certain things, because its so hard for me because i know i dont want to get hurt..Then i take a chance and i try, and i get screwed. Blah i dont want to be bitter...I often wish i was this cold hardened mean person, where my feelings never got in the way, wouldnt life be easier? or maybe i would miss out on something great, who really knows. Im afraid one day that will be me. I think for me what hurts the most, is i thought this person and i would always be friends, and he would always be there to support me, and i could just call him whenever i needed inspiration, even if it wasnt romantic. When i care about people, i dont like to see them leave my life, in any situation, it makes me sad. So Its weird, but its like Ive been heartbroken for the first time, since i started my new life. And it really feels different.....
On a much happier note...I joined the gym today!! yay!!! And i joined the tanning there too...so yah im fully on my way to hotness. hah...I even worked out today which made me excited. I noticed i have a ton more energy lately, its like it sprung on me. Danas party was on saturday in La, it was fun, and i noticed i just kept dancing and i wasnt getting tired at all, i did need water though, i feel like i need so much more water then before when im active.  Next week i go back to work, which literally scares me. My store looks like shit, and i know all of my energy is going to go into it for a while. I hope i have energy to work, and go to the gym, and make sure my food choices are healthy. I really need to go back to work though, i need something semi healthy to occupy my mind. I have too many things on my mind right now.

Yesterday was my first day starting purees(sp)Its been ok, I went to the store last night and bought some stuff, like low fat cottage cheese and ricatta and low fat sour cream and some egg beaters... I made some egg with cheese today, it went down ok and everything. Its weird because u eat so slow everything is cold or watery by the time your half way through. Its good to be able to have some things that arent all sweet though.
On satruday i did the walk from obesity, it was suppose to be a 5k but it was serisouly like 4-5 miles, it was tough but i did it! Caroline went with me, which was very cool! I also met a couple more people from OH, they were really cool. I got 2 samples of nectar, the lemonade and cherry, but neither really tasted like anything to me, kind of weird.
Last night i went to support group, and Dana came, so that was cool too. It was kind of weird tho, there were some random people there last night lol. I really like Dianne le mont though, i asked her if she did one on one sessions and she said she does. SO im going to call my insruance and see if they cover her ( i hope).......

I should really be updating this damn thing every day, seeing im bored off my mind! Im so used to working so much, that i think im going insane. I should be cleaning and organizing my room, but im not of course! Ive been doing things with friends as much as possible, but alas they do have lives and work.Being home like this makes me feel lonely, and sad, and depressed about certain things. I know its because i have too much time to think, but still its annoying.
I went to support group on Monday, which i really enjoy, i think its super healthy. There arent many young people there, but thats ok. I met this really nice lady, whos older then me, but shes cool and stylish.
I guess my eating is okay, i feel like there are hardly any choices right now, but whatever, its also really hard to get in your protein. I have the isopure bottled drinks, but i hate them! they leave this nasty film in my mouth and on my teeth, yuck! i like the designer whey chocolate, but it gets old drinking the same every day, and plus thats not 40 grams.
When i go out places,im much better at drinking lots of water then when im sitting at home, which is weird. I went to this bar with some friends last week, and i drank two bottles of water, and then last night at the concert i drank a lot too... Im walking every day too, i want to join the gym, but im so broke right now...and the gym is $$
I am excited to do the walk from obesity on saturday!!yay!
ok well ugly betty and greys is on tonight, finally some entertainment today

Wow...Well  i had surgery and everything went well, no complications as of yet (thank you lord). The 3 days in the hospital were very uncomfortable thats really all there is to it, but each day the pain gets a little better.Its more discomfort rather then pain. I had my surgery Monday morning, i only cried twice! yay! Dr Francis came and asked if i was ok and if i still wanted to do it, and i said of course!I was still awake when they rolled me in the OR, which always freaks me out, i could see tools, and things and i got freaked out and started to cry, but they were all talking to me, then i went to sleep. I left the hospital on wednesday, and have been staying at my grandparents ever since, they took great care of me but i had to come home today. Im sure ill be ok by myself. I didnt have a scale at my grandparents house so i finally weighed myself today , being 8 days out i have lost 18 lbs!! wow!!!! when i saw that i was soo excited, i cant believe i weigh 271 that is so exciting to me lol....
The liquid diet has been such a challenge for me, nothing sounds good, theres nothing i want at all, its just a chore, and a sorce for energy and protein. Its also been really hard for me mentally( which i knew would) im not depressed yet, but i really miss food, i keep thinking about all these things i missed out on, and imagine them in my mouth, its terrible! I hope that this time will be one of the worst times to go through, and if it is, i can totally handle it, especially with seeing weight loss already, which i assume is inevidable due to only liquids lol.....Ill be off work for 6 weeks, so i definatly need to find things to do that dont involve food or drinking...and i cant swim yet :( So saying that im sure ill keep this thing updated!
Im excited for the future!

Friday i was at claim jumper with some friends, and  i had no idea an OH event was taking place, I dont keep up with the post, and ive only chatted with a couple people, so yah im clueless..haha......Well i recognized them walking past me, but i didnt say anything. While we were still waiting outside Gus walked by, and i stopped him..hah... first i wasnt going to, but then i said what the heck...i was glad i did....everyone was really nice, and the brief meeting was really cool....thanx!
My surgery is a month away, and im kind of getting scared at some times, then other times it seems surreal. I hate picturing myself on a table with my body being operated on, it freaks me out. I have to tell myself not to picture those things... i have to be positive and go in with a smile, though i know there will be tears involved, because im just emotional like that...I really look foward to my new healthy life!

wow this has been a long time coming....i got approved!!!! yaya.....and i have a tentative date for sep 11.......!!!!!!!!>....she still has to confirm with the hospital. Im so excited, whats crazy is thats the day before my 25th birthday, first i thought about it, then i was like sure, it will be my birthday present. Im so excited i just hope nothing else sets me back.....pray for me!!!
off to work!@!

Well i moved to costa mesa, to a little tiny studio...its cool though, its nice to live totally alone, but its definatly takes some getting used to. Its been pretty lonely.
As far as the surgery thing...ahh..im frustrated, the girl at the office who does the insurance stuff is driving me nuts. Supposedly she submitted for approval 6 weeks ago, well after me calling my insurance and the office a million times, we figured out she didnt even send it to the right people, she didnt even fax it to a fax number, it was a phone number!!!
anways michelle has been helping me a lot, so thats really cool..but pretty much we had to re sub on the 9th of this month ...so its waiting again...ive always heard bcbs ppo was fast at getting back to you,....but i dont think so....
well wish me luck@