Almost 2 years

Apr 21, 2009

well i havent done an update in a long while..


sooo much has happened since 2007!

I never knew relationship could have such a huge toll on a person.. plus it didnt help that right after my checkup in sept, i got laid off from the mortgage company i was working for on Oct 2rd 2007.

Here i thought i would lose weight normally, well 6 months out of the surgery, i had my world crumble, My boyfriend broke up with me for another girl that was a full figured, i was depressed. From Thanksgiving (the day he broke up with me) and two weeks from there i lost 30 lbs! i lose weight so fast cause i gave up eating and depression hit so hard. But i was a size 12! I loved that part, never in my life could i remember being a 12!

but it didnt help with the stress of dealing with forecloser, finding a job, needing money, needing insurance.. 

We got back together around new years but with a rocky start.. It was very shakey for 2008.. but finally settled things, and believe it or not, things cant be any better then ever before!

Jan. 10th, 2009 we got engaged!  now planning a wedding, for Sept. 22, 2012 and just recently in March 2009 getting out of Forecloser! and having a pretty promising job, Im happy were i am right now in my life..

BUT one thing i am sad and feel as a failure is that i have gained about 30-40lbs.. size 18!!!
I recently joined a gym for their full membership, and wanting to start eating right..

although i still dont eat much, i still managed to have gained due to high caloried foods, although there are days when i surprise myself on eating a whole burger.. i dont know where it goes!

Still cant eat sweets without severally dumping, but I am planning to visit my doctor for a check up and I'd like to know how big my pouch is.. Im nervous about, i have nightmares at night thinking it has ballooned..

but thats my story right now, im in need of some help!.. I hate myself on how much i have gained.. i shouldnt be this big still!

But i am not done with myself, im a blushing bride and i wont walk down wearing a size 20 dress!

I want that size 12 again.. and i wont stop until i achieve that!

I refuse to say that RNY failed me or that i Failed it...
This can be fixed!

Im not going to make excuses to myself.. i lack drinking water.. Ive always been told that when your thinking about food, you should drink water.. because your body is dehydrated so it triggers in your head you need something and since i am a food addict, the first thing i want is food! instead of a nice cold glass of water!

I just recently started to take, phentermine, although it does work from keeping me from eating, over eating and it makes me super thirsty, but it makes me cold... but it works!!

Going to keep this going with healthy food and excerise!

i'll keep you posted with results, tonight before i go to the gym i will do measurements..

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