sylkieasset

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I am finally feeling good. My cravings are very minimal. I am able to go for days without them. I have also returned to work. It is feeling good. My feelings of depression have began to turn into feelings of joy and happiness. I am able to move easier and just feeling like life is really getting better and better overall. I am still trying to find some sort of counseling/support group to deal with my addiction. this is still an issue for me. I feel like having had the surgery is only one part of my recovery. What I also desperately need and am not able to find where I live is treatment for my addiction to food. I am afraid that if I do not get help in figuring out the root cause of my addiction I will not be successful. I want to be healthy and remain a healthy weight for the rest of my life and I need help with that. The surgery only addressed the physical aspect of my issues.I will find a way to figure this out. I have to!

Well, it's been 2 weeks. I will be weighing myself at the doctor's office tomorrow. My staples came out on the 20th. Three of them are badly infected and have opened up. My doctor said they will not close while infected. It was the staples. I cannot get my ears pierced without getting a major infection. My body did not like those staples in there at all. I'm on antibiotics to get rid of the infection.
I don't know if it's the anesthetic, but I do have some emotional days. I know I should be very happy all the time and I am mostly, but sometimes I feel a bit depressed, especially now with the open wholes in my tummy. I sometimes think why did I do this to myself. I also find my heart breaking sometimes because I can't sit down and eat a whole pizza. I know it sounds silly, but I really miss the binging. it's almost like I am forced to deal with my feelings, instead of drowning them in food. I'm having a really hard time with that. I know I am not really hungry, I know it's emotional and I am only missing being able to self medicate with food. I guess it is a positive thing that I have no choice, but to deal with the issues that caused me to be here in the first place. It will get better with time. I knew getting into this that it will not be a smooth road. I will get through this.

I am just now posting for the first time since the surgery. I'm tired a lot. I'm taking it easy and still am not able to eat all the food required at this time. I guess that would be one of the reasons for the tiredness. I have already lost 20 lbs. It's going really fast. I walk every day for an hour as required. Most days I'm really happy. I do have some sad days. I know that is from the anesthetic and I don't take it too seriously. Once my body has a chance to clear out all those chemicals it will level out.
 Everything went fine with the surgery. It was a piece of cake. The only thing a bit uncomfortable and painful is the gas. They pumped my tummy full of gas during surgery and they did not take it back out. I had bad gas pains first out of the OR.
By the night of the I had no pain. Also, before the surgery I was told that they will intubate me before they putting me to sleep.  I was very scared, but it was not as bad as I had thought it would be.
I do have tiny staples that will come out in a few days. They are not covered or anything and are not painful, just a bit prickly.
I know that I'm only a few days out, but I already feel like this is the best thing I have ever done and I am sooooooooooooo HAPPY!

I'm flying to Montreal in the morning to have the surgery. Most of my nervousness is gone now, I'm just beyond happy. It's still hard to believe... I am really doing this. I will really be able to stand on the scale in the near future and the number will start with 1. I will be my true self again. LETS DO THIS!!!!!

I want to thank everyone who sent me their love and support!!! It truly helped a lot!

 I am going to check out one of these meeting and see how it goes.
http://www.oa.org/index.htm

I went through major withdrawals the first few days of the OptiFast and had a few bites of other stuff, but I'm back on track now. I was also very emotional at first, going through a lot of different feelings. I felt like I lost a loved one and would not know what to do with my life now that my days will no longer revolve around food. It is a true addiction. I have a friend who has battled drug addiction in the past and beat it with the help of counselling and the 12 steps. She went through the exact same things I am going through right now. The only difference is the drug of choice. I have begun to really look at this process as a recovery from addiction rather then  weight loss. I wish there was more help available to me her in Vancouver. All the doctors I have seen here tell me to just loose weight, they do not believe that I am an addict. I am simply told that if I have done it before, I can do it again and I am putting too much drama into it. I've felt like such a looser for so many years, wondering why I cannot beat this demon. I know now that  it's not as simple as not eating too much. I am thankful for this liquid diet. It truly proved to me that I need to attack this from an addiction point of view and seek help for my addictive behavior.

I started my OptiFast preop diet today. The shakes are a bit yucky, but I figure I can do this for two weeks if it's in preperation for a lifetime of happiness.  Luckily I am able to drink coffee, black. That would be a real torture if I had to give that up. It's funny, now that I started the preop diet, it has started to feel that much more real. Like I am even one step closer to my new life.

Everything seems to be going so well. The thoughts of doubt and fright have been reduced to mere moments of passing thought, which are quickly replaced by thought of happiness.
Maybe it's because I've been keeping busy with my studies both about the Craft as well as myself.
I am really starting to feel like my new life has already begun. It's an amazing feeling.

The past couple of days have been awesome. i am finding myself thinking in a very positive way, without even realizing it. I see myself in my new body and I'm so very happy and excited. i have been really making strides with my emotional healing as well. I have been setting boundaries, mainly with my mother. She is my biggest negative obstacle I have to overcome. I have been finding it easier to set those boundaries with her and just stop her before she goes too far. She, unfortunately does not get it. I'm at the point where I feel like she is the reason that I am in this situation in the first place and I will not let her continue hurting me anymore, even if that means not having her in my life. I have been through a lot to get here. I am very excited and ready. I know this will be a positive experience and I will not let anything or anyone take this away from me.

Today I felt really good. I have been communicating with a lot of members of OH and I am feeling really happy and excited about this new life I am about to begin. I want to thank everyone who has been supporting me, sending me messages and has been there for me. I know I will do it. I have signed up to start a WLS support group meeting with people in my area. Not only to get help, but to help and support others who need it.