Syntheia

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I am so glad that I did this! I am almost a size 18 and I feel soooo much better. I have a bit more to go and I realize that this is where it is really going to get hard. My body has been overweight all my life and it is not going to want to give up these last few pounds. I am really going to need to amp it up quite a bit. Here are answers to some of the questions that I have answered: -Do I miss food? Not really. Mostly food is just a bother for me now and I would rather eat a chicken greek salad or a protein shake and get on with my life. I can eat almost anything- it just takes soooo much chewing. I am a busy girl- dogs, child, husband....I eat when I am hungry- small amounts and I judge that meal on how calm I can be to eat it. If I think that the situation will force me to gulp it down- I choose a shake. It is just easier- and it is all that my body really needs. I eat to live- I no longer live to eat. Except for these pretzel bits :Snyders honey mustard and onion. They are so packed with flavor I CRAVE themAgain- cant eat too many- and they give me HELL breath- but sometimes I just lick the flavoring off and thow out the pretzel. -Do I cheat? Yup. -Do I still sometimes over eat and burp up a few bites? Yup. -Do I feel the port during sex? No. -Are there any foods that I cannot eat? Not really- I need to chew past the point of applesauce and remember that meat takes a long time to break down in my new little stomach. I usually eat eggs or cottage cheese as my protein and reserve the meat until dinner. The meat keeps my belly full ALL night long. -When do they take it out? Never. Unless there are complications. -Are you still a canidate for homebirth? Yuppers!! Wouldnt have done it otherwise. -Were there complications? Not from the surgery- but six months later I had emergency gallbladder surgery. That sucked! The pain was under the right side of my ribs and crawled up my back like icy fingers. It took my breath away! I would have a homebirth 100 times and 50 lap-band surgerys before going through that pain again! Morphine ... sweet morphine. (remember the symptoms, dear reader- fat, 40 and female are the genral rule of thumb and the pain up the back is a sure bet that you are having a gallbladder attack. I read that on someones blog when I was researching this- so I was very aware of what was going on when it was happening to me.) I am sure that there are more- I'll come back to this list later. All in all I was 328 the day of surgery and I am 229 today! ONE MORE POUND UNTIL 100LBS!! WHooooo!

I am finally 100% pain free- after 8 weeks!! I am also back to my normal chores without pain. I am a bit tired...I sort of drop off at 7pm and pray for 9pm to come along so that I can get my daughter to go to bed. I havent really dropped full sizes yet- I just look better in my fat clothes.

I was told that there isnt a name for my band. It holds 4 cc's and I just had a 1 1/2 cc fill. I cant believe how tight I am. It is like the day after surgery all over again! I ate one sausage and an avacado tonight for dinner and felt like I over did it. Last week I was able to eat a whole greek chicken salad. Now I may be able to do a few chunks. Who knew?

I am really glad that this fill has made so much of a difference for me. I was beginning to wonder if I should have gone for the bypass instead of the band.

I was naughty over Christmas and had my share of egg-nog and hershey kisses....but not crazy.....I just enjoyed myself.

I have lost 6lbs this last two weeks. After freaking out a bit- and taking a total of one phentermine...I wrapped my head around this again.

This is hard. I am battling with the habits and the head hunger of it all. I am not eating much more than one meal a day. I just dont want to, I am not hungry and am generally turned off to food because of how I might feel if I over do it.

My port feels much better. I am STILL a little achy and quite tired. Overall I would say that I am at 90% recovered from this ordeal. I do sometimes forget- so that is a good sign that I really am approaching 100%.

I have brought food up a total of 3 times. Two times the first week of solid food- and once yesterday at lunch with the girls. Well, in the bathroom. I was eating the insides of a corned beef sammy. It was from eating ONE bite too much each time. Weird. I cant imagine that simply taking ONE single bite can be rejected.

The upchuck: Well, t is not like a real vomit. It does not have that diaphram spasm that is associated with a normal vomit. It is more like a esophageal spasm that works the food back up from the little pouch to your mouth. It doesnt really hurt the way a real vomit does. It isnt pleasant-- but it isnt painful. It is just weird!

I am going for a fill today.
Wish me luck.

4 weeks post-op.
32 oz of water. 80 grms of protein- which is one meal and three shakes a day. Fruit and veggie for a snack. I am really doing the 'healthy thing".

Confession: I WANT TO USE SOME DIET PILLS TO GET THIS GOING!!
STUPID, STUPID STUPID old habits to get clothes to fit me. I called my PA to ask what she thought and her response was 'well, it is not advised, but you should see what some of our patients ahve done to themselves." She should have lied to me. That basically gave me Carte Blanche to do "whatever it takes".  In my brain and in my heart, I KNOW that this is not the goal. Slow, healthy and steady is best. BUT I WANNA SEE SOME REAL RESULTS FOR ALL OF THIS PAIN THAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH.

I started this at 296lbs- and I am STUCK at 272lbs. I know that weight loss is nothing to sneeze at. I am already feeling better- but I havent lost a SINGLE pound in about 2 weeks. Not that I am on the scale all the time- but JEEEZE. I just want to get back into that size 20 wardrobe. I am still wearing my pre-op size 24 jeans. In fact, I was JUST able to button them comfortably for the first time- YESTERDAY.

My period was TWO WEEKS late- so I was really bloated from that. Also, I feel, in comparison, that my healing was not as speedy as some of you. I mean, I can just now tie my sneakers.....but am quite sore overall. Also- I am like DEAD TIRED at 7pm every night.

I havent been feeling up to actually exercise- I am just getting back into the tugging of walking my three dogs. I CANT WAIT TO FEEL BETTER!!

I need to be gentle with myself.
I need patience.
I need strength.
I need to live healthfully.
I need to throw out old habits and live new healthy sound
habits.
I need to be less frustrated with myself.

HELP BANDSTERS!!

OH PS- I am really concerned about the amount of food that I CAN eat. Not that I have tested it by overeating- but Thanksgiving I was able to eat a normal plate size of food. It seems like a lot. Is that because I havent gotten a fill yet?? Does a fill REALLY make that much of a difference??

I am starting to think that I should have gone for the bypass!! 8(

Post Date: 11/29/07 3:00 pm
First, let me send my eternal thanks to every one of you for responding. I am so needy right now. I am not one that asks for help- so that is hard for me. But in this case- I am in such unchartered waters! I dont have any platform to really discuss this - not with anyone that has had personal experience- and all of you, AND the existence of this website is heaven sent. I really dont have any support groups that I am able to attend- but THIS- what all of you did for me today- is PRICELESS.

After I posted this- I took my 4 year old to school- picked up two of her friends for the carpool and got myself a cup of coffee. I dont drink coffee everyday- so this was a treat for me. After this- I was still feeling like pulling my hair out--- sooooo......I DID take 1/2 of a phentermine today. I have NO regrets. I took it- not because I am actually hungry- but because I am so tired and frustrated and really needed a little help with my ability to keep up my energy to recover my home from the pit that it has fallen into from my time on the couch after the surgery.


I hate to say it- but I have developed a command of the diet pill from using it as 'wisely' as I could for what I thought was going to be 'the ends justify the means." Which I now know was all wrong. In the past,  I have taken what I call "the cocktail" which is an Atkins diet, with 1/2 tab phentermine in the morning and another 1/2 at 3pm. In addition to this- I took Xenical (Which is really Alli at double the strength...before Alli was put on the market. I ordered it from the Netherlands for like $200.00 a box!) with each high-ish fat meal. In 10 months I lost 100lbs. But- like all of ya'll- I dieted myself into obesity. The pills ended and so did the starvation induced weight loss.

I went for the band because the oil leak from the fat blockers was one of the most disgusting things I have ever experienced and the phentermine- which I appropriately dubbed "SMACK" made me CRAZY.

I am SO relieved to hear that the fills really do make that much of a difference. I was SO discouraged today. I seriously thought that I should have had the bypass. I have had very little help to recover- and stupidly- I tried on a dress at Old Navy while X-mas shopping yesterday. The XXL was really too snug to wear in public.  Both of those factors added up to the frenzied headspace that I woke up in today. My housework is piling up,  my guts hurt, my energy level is horrendous  and I am still a chubby bunny that cant even wear -what I used to think were my fat clothes- my size 20's.

I am feeling so much better tonight. I had my water and protein shakes and just ate a nice little guilt free and very delicious dinner with my 4 year old. I dont plan on taking another pill tomorrow. I just needed to get out of the really bad funk- get over this hump- and be patient with myself.

My first fill is December 5th. I am looking forward to it.
AGAIN- to all of you-
Thanks for being my angels today!!! I needed all of your input. It is such a relief that there is a forum where peeps "get" me.
Blessed Be- one and all!
Syntheia

I tolerated an 8 hour trip to Maine to visit mom. She fed my family and I didnt have housework haunting me. I am feeling better still. I would say I am about 75%. I can button my jeans comfortably....my 24's. I havent really lost much weight. I am still hanging out at 272lbs. I am getting concerned. My period is all screwed up. I feel bloated and cranky.  I was due two weeks ago and have been spotting - but haven't really bled. I am sorry if that is TMI- but I feel that it is important to mention in this whole experience. I have an IUD so I know that I am not pregnant or anything.

I can eat a plate of food at this point. I am not overdoing it- but I can comfortably eat a good size meal. Not heaping high- just a good plate full. I have been making good choices for the most part. I have been staying away from the whites and the soda. I have no problem eating any fruit or veggie that I want. I look forward to my first fill. I mean- dammit- I went through all of this it is now time for the pay off, already!!  That will be on December 5th. I get the hiccups when I am full- it is really sort of funny, actually.

Also- worth mentioning- I have had a little festering stitch on one of my scars. It was quite painful- and I used warm soaks and got it to drain. I covered it with neosporin overnight and by the next day it was fine. It finally is feeling better- I cant wait to swim. I was told that until my skin is completely healed- I need to stay out of the water.

I do feel that I was misinformed about the after pains. My doctor said one week. I have read as little as three days. Maybe I am a wimp- but I gave birth to a 10lbs baby -IN MY LIVING ROOM- so I really dont think that I am a wimp. I am 3 1/2 weeks out and I am JUST NOW feeling better. What I mean by that is I can tie my shoes and unload the dishwasher. I am EXHAUSTED by 7pm...and have been sitting my 4 year old in front of the TV WAY more than ever before in her life. I still cant lift her- she is 38lbs and am still tender....but I am feeling better. THANK GOD!  My port placement was the last to recover. It was swollen to the size of a baseball up until about three days ago. Then, something let up. My muscles surrounding my port calmed to about the size of an egg. My jeans finally fit well. I have lost 27 lbs- but was still so swollen that my fat pants DIDNT FIT~~! That was discouraging! I saw my surgeon last week and asked for more pain meds- to help me sleep. I was in pain all day- Tylenol wasnt touching me- and wasnt sleeping. At least with the pain meds I have a little bit of solid rest.

I have learned that I can eat anything but carbonated soda and white bread (actually, I havent even tried either, and dont plan to) . I dont have a problem with any food- I just have to really chew it- Shrimp and steak and raw broccoli included. I am still not eating much at all. I have a double shake for breakfast, one small meal, and a double shake for dinner and one more shake in the evening when the munchie time sets in. Like, right now, I had about two tablespoons of chicken salad from the deli for lunch, and I cant even think about eating anything for dinner. Maybe in a few hours I will have a double shake. It is actually HARD to get 80gms of protein in!! The head hunger is the HARDEST thing to get over. Especially with watching all this TV!! I cant stand commercials!!! LOL!

I hear that I am atypical to be in pain at this point. But, this is my story, so I will be sure to add it to the many others. I went onto my surgeons office and asked for some more pain meds. I havent been sleeping well and being in pain is exhausting- I I thought that if I took a pain pill at night I would at least be resting soundly and be more capable of carrying forth with my day.

I cant lift much right now- I cant unload my dishwashers bottom shelf- I cant carry laundry baskets yet......

I am down 25lbs and have really become to understand that we really need very little food to eat.

What I eat each day: Breakfast: Protein shake. For lunch, I have one VERY small meal- (my 4 year old can now eat more than I can!). Usually a small piece of meat and a shake. I usually have another shake before bed. I have also been drinking TONS of water.

I am most sore around my port site. It feels like I have a hard softball under my skin where the port was sewn to my muscles. It is not infected- just really PISSED OFF.

I am really tired overall. Both from an active life with a small child- but also because I have been really sore.  I havent lost any more weight- but my swelling has really gone down a TON and I can now fit into my size 24 jeans with a little bit of room. I REALLY want 25lbs off by Christmas. I think I can do it!

More later!

The pain has changed since I first had the surgery. I dont know how to explain it really. First it was total pain all over my upper abs. I imagine it to be equal to a c-section type of pain. I could not laugh, sneeze, lean forward- walking upstairs was no biggie, it was getting up to walk that was the killer. I hugged a pillow for the first 2 weeks whenever I needed to strain to do something. Then the outside pain lessened and became more deep. Internal type of pain was what was left with. I am thee weeks out and I am very very sore. Sometimes after a long day I am totally in pain as I climb into bed.

The surgery is not AT ALL as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, I am sore. It is difficult to sit up or roll over in bed. Walking is fine- toileting is fine, even showering is fine...it is just anything that I need my upper abdominal muscles for is sorta out of the question. I sort of equate it to the pain of a c-section. Not that I have had one--but I imagine that it is very similar with the limited abdominal muscles. I have lost 17.5 lbs in 5 days- and I am not dehydrated- I am living on a liquid diet for one more week, then I transition to mushy foods and at 6 weeks I am back to real food- but almost laughable proportions.

I cannot eat much- and am honestly too sore to think about eating just yet- but I am not hungry either. I eat because I think that I should or it is time to. I drink water almost all day long- so I am well hydrated. I have been having a diaphram spasm after eating and could not possibly think of eating all of the shakes and soup and yogurt that is on my post op diet plan. I called my PA. She explained that the spasms are from drinking too quickly and that over time, I should be able to eat more. I am still too swollen to eat much. For someone that could easily put down 4 slices of NY pizza in one sitting- the fact that I had one 8oz protein shake and 4 oz of soup today - and AM NOT HUNGRY- is unbelievable!!

MAJOR life change, here.....but I am so glad that I have done it.

I am so grateful to have mom here helping with my 4 year old, Sydney. Although no one can replace "Mommy"- Grammy plays a good role as second best. Tonight, however, Sydney absolutely insisted that she NEEDED to snuggle with me and promised not to hurt my belly and basically BEGGED to fall asleep with me in my bed. I agreed. I missed her little fingers twirling my earrings as I try to sleep. I have a pillow between us now that she is out- but I have missed my little-face and am glad that she is here for me to snuggle tonight.

I walked quite a bit today. I really sorta overdid it. Mom wanted to buy Sydney a new bedroom set because Sydney cant open her antique dresser drawers to dress herself. She is right. She really does need a new dresser. It is a shame because the dresser that she has is so beautiful- just not practical for a 4 year old. Anyway, we went to Macy's clearance center and two kids furniture places. We went to the fabric store and to a little mall. I really was quite uncomfortable by the end of it. I was in bed asleep by 9pm- just 30 minutes after we got home.

Ben, my DH, took some photos today. I dont know if I will post them- I have to see how they came out. But I do want to take photos and document the loss.

Thats all for now.

Man!! It has been a long haul. I have had SOOO much testing done to determine that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with me- other than my morbid obesity and hypothyroid.... and I was APPROVED for Lap-band surgery. I almost cant believe it. I am not complaining- but wow- what a year!! I first started this journey on Halloween of last year. It wasnt until I started this site that I actually go the show on the road. I had to go for 6 months of doc supervised diet- the red tape- but I was finished with that in June. It took a sleep apnea study and some waiting- but once ALL of the requirements were satisfied- I was approved in about 4 hours!!

I go in on Monday. As I sit here- I am STARVING. I have been on an all liquid diet for two days- a modified liquid diet the three days before that- and will be on all clear liquids on Sunday. I go in at 5:45 am. I will be the first case. Fine with me- let the coffee hit them- and get me done before my daughter even goes to school!  I will post some fatty pics- to start the baseline.

I cannot begin to thank all of you that have been so sweet and supportive to me along the way.