Tami Jean A.

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I only recently came back to OH and started posting and reading. When you have questions everyone is there for you but when you have comments they had better be on board with the general consensus. But over time I am so much more comfortable as a person I don't feel bothered if people don't give me a warm reception here. I get one in real life and that makes sense as it can be difficult to decipher tone in writing.I have all the confidence I once had plus some as well as a lack of fear. I never realized how fearful I was obese. I could deal with race remarks or religious remarks. But I always was fearful of the fat digs and people will seek out your weak point and exploit it so that was mine.
  I weigh between 173 and 179. I look great but I still want to lose more. I want to reach my goal, even if it's too small. I can always gain some if it is. but those old demons never left. Even though I dump I still eat sugar, small amounts but often and I know this is whats blocking me. The minute I lay off sugar the weight comes back off. So I must get back on track. How I will do that I have no idea. I'll post this question about will power to a board or two(I hope that isn't bad web-iquette) cause I have it where I have it and don't where I don't. We'll see.
  But all in all, I love that fact that I did this and I tell every new wls prospect and new pre-op I meet about OH as the best thing for anyone in the WLS family.

down to 270lbs
   I am feeling wonderful . I can't belive how much this has really changed my life already.
   Last week I went through my entire house and made it into a home. I took out everything that is not in use and cleaned everything possible. I organized everything right down to socks. It has made me and everyone in the house so much happier. But it has also shown me just how incapacitated I was before. I was always tired and often after eating lethargic. 
   I am getting my life together again and I feel great about it. I owe a great deal o this to my WLS and the fact that I am no longer foced primarily on food.  
   I am also looking better and better. I get a lot of compliments and I see the difference in my face and I feel more attractive. But, although I orginaly wanted to be thinner for my physical health and appearance, I now realize how much more I appreciate the mental health benefits and increased energy. This surgery is wonderful.  

I had a very fortunate, uncomplicated, sucessful surgery. Anything else is just a "story". So here's few story details; I awoke in the most pain I have ever experienced in my life ! The nurses medicated me including morphine for pain and something for neausea. I had no problem getting up and down other than being sore and full of gas. GAS- that was the most memorable and excrusciating part of the whole deal. It lasted a full week and had me miserable.
  I left hospital Fri (went in on Wed) but by fri night I was in so much pain I had to go back. It was the gas and the incision and it would have been fine if I had only taken my pain medication. But i was hurting and my stomach was upset so I just couldn't bear to do it. Now a lot of this was because I had been on morphine and this slows down the GI trac so I was in a catch 22. So I had an upper GI, had to drink big gulps of the nastyness !, The nastiness helped me move my bowels and I went home agin, where I now took pain pills as needed. 
   Time has passed, I feel great. My insicion is healed, I had the jp tube removed today, I've lost 22 lbs and My weightloss is already noticable.
   I have not been following all the rules but I will try to do better. I dont like chopped up food, so I ave been just supper chewing, but I will try to magic bullet everything from now on. I do dump on even the slightest bit of fat, which I am happy about, it'll help keep me in check. That is that for now.

Well, I just got home from having my IVC filter placed. Not the owrst thing but not fun. I was give a very mild sedative. They drapped myface and the worst part, injected novacaine in my neck. It made me cry, partly  cause it hurt and partly cause it stressed me out for so long to think about it. They pushed it down into my groin, painless, althoug I could identify the location as it went through. They obviously use some force cause it is really sore.
I went to a room to rest for 4 hours and then Hank brought me home. I'll chill the rest of the day, get my scr ipt filled tomorrow and surgery Wed. It is almost here. I can hardly believe it.

 I want to say thank you and God bless you to all my new OH friends!
well, I am down to 3 weeks. I kinda have been letting the time pass, not concentrating  on how much time until WLS cause it wa starting to drive me crazy. I dont entertain any negative thoughts, but I'm sure I'll be spleepless and nervous that day before. 
   I feel so blessed to have learned so much about myself, this condition of obesity, and wls here at OH.
  I have been privileged to make the aquaintence of so many wonderful people that share my struggle.I have heard so many kind words and received so much encouragment
  I get weighed in again this morining and I am alittle nervous cause I have cheated al ot this week from my medifast diet. But If I have not lost or I have gained I will just have to get right back on track. It feels like it's taking forever but I know I got to hang on.
 

11/12/06

 well I have about 4 weeks to go. It still seems like forever. But I know it'll be here before I know it. I have lost 29lbs according to my calulations and 20 from my Doctors. I have another 12 to go. I hate medifast and it has been a bit  slow cause I haven't been 100% compliant. I have not heard of anyone yet that has on this long of a liquid diet. But I am losing and doing my best. My back is killing me for the past few days. I really hope massive weight lose will improve this condition. Any way, I have made a lot of nice friends here at OH and I want to say thank you to all of you for your kindness and support.

I started my journey back in 2003. I decided I wanted this and started the process.I had financial problem and lost my health ins 2 x's so my jounrney has had many stalls and restarts . I started here in 2004 and that is where my journel begins.

I had some more on this journey prior to what is posted here. But at one point I started to give up and tried to delete my profile. I got this far and I am so glad for that. I had ,in that peice, my background . I have been a compulsive overeatter and obesity sufferer since childhood. Many of my childhood memories are of events that included food and the torment I suffered from others due to my weight. I was for the most part a very happy child. My parents had me later in their lives and were overweight themselves. Both of my parents had medicval problems due to their weight and succumbed to those issues; my Mom when
I was just 17 and my Dad when I was 19. When I was 16 my mothers best friend who was our next door neighbor and like a 2nd mother to me made an attemt at a revision of here previous"stomach stapling" as we called it back then. She had not been successfulthe first time, well she had some success but began to gain again and wanted desperatly to be thin. She died in the hospital of bacterial pnemonia. 
So some of the most important peopl in my life are all gone before I even became an adult because of this terrrible disease.
   I want to set a better example and stop this cycle now! I want to be the one to break the chain of obesity in my family. Here is my chance...

 07/14/04   This will be my first attempt at any journal keeping.I really think it may help now and in the future.
Today I requested my records be transfered from my old PCP to the new one I have chosen. The last one was unrecptive last year when I first inquired about WLS. So that'll be enough of him. I will check back next week to see if the new Dr gottem. She wont take an appointment untill she has records.
7/17/04 Well looky here, It's my before pic. I can't wait to have an after. I was a bit smaller in this one(like 245-255) i cant really remember. This was new years eve 2003-2004. I go up and down so dam much
    7/20. I am really trying to stay ahead and get this done asap. I spoke with a wonderful person last night. She had surgery with Dr. Singh 8 weeks ago. She still isnt feeling up to par but was very helpful and informative.I pretty much kmow most of the Dr.s requirments so today I start.
***LOse 10% of current weight. I hope the Dr. will accept my efforts as described here since I dont have a PCP yet but am eager to meet the requirments.
 
current weight:275lbs

 I am not a cook extrememly busy and in need of fast results. I will begin with liquid meal replacement just to get the ball rolling. I will eat 3 x's per day and 2 sml snacks. I will begin an excersice regimin this evening to consist of simply walking. I will further develope my plan after 1 week.
 
Smoking;
It scares me terribly. I know it has taken a toll. I have quit many times before due to pregnancy and breast-feeding. So I know how quickly you can begin to feel better. But it is so hard to let go. So This too requires a plan. I know I really only enjoy my morrning smoke, the one on the way to and from work and the one after dinner.And there is probably another so I will allow for it. I figure with luck I will have surgery in October. That means I have to quit completely for 6 weeks prior to surgery That means by Aug 20th. That is a bit over 4 weeks away. I will take away 1 smoke per week uintil that time.

That's what I can do now. I still need to get a Dr appointment and pray I am even eligible for surgery.

7/26/04  I went to the Schenectady support group meeting and the Albany meeting. They were great. Informative, nice people. But it is obvious at the Schenectady meeting and may be a little at the Albany one, they think thier surgeon is the best and they way he does things is the only right way. It may make it harder to ask about things if people are questioning why you didnt chose thier Dr. but none the less I look forward to attending again.Tomorrow I go to Dr Singhs info seminar on RNY and I will receive the packet explaining everything he expects.

8/10/04Let's see. I went to the seminar. It was better than the one I went to last Nov. But then again I got there early and got a good seat this time. I got a seat period. Last time I sat on the floor.I got my info packet. I got start
ed on it right away.
   Now yesterday was the greatest progress yet. I got a call in the morning as I was walkiong out the door from Dr. Murphy's office. They said sahe could see me today at 3pm. Well great. I was so upset that I didnt have many dogs at the BH shop, but it worked out perfectly. I groomed my dogs and ran to the Dr's office. She gave me a physical, an EKG and took blood for all the requirment of the surgeon. She arranged to make the appointments with the gastroenteroligist and there own staff nutritionalist. This Dr. is so far perfect. We got along great. She is such a neat person and I had her in stiches, I dont even know what I said I think my joy was infectiouos. So I will wait a few days to get my appointment dates and will report back then.
10/05/04 Wow I havent updated in a while. I had all my pre-testing; heart,blood,egd phych... I have a 10/12 surgical consult date. I am sooo happy and excited, but and this is a big but(almost as big as my butt he he he)I started smoking a little bit again. I will be better today. The morings are the hardest. I dont even think of them after my coffee. And worse yet I not only have not lost the required 10% I have gained a few lbs. I have so much stuff going on I am on auto pilot and forget what I'm doing. Today will be another smoke free day. I eill try again to watch my intake and try again. I really have a hard time dieting anymore knowing the ultimate result is  regain. But I need to keep in perspective, I will lose have my wls and get better and more long term results. I have started back w/ some exercise, which has always been something I enjoy anyway. I got my bow-flex a few days ago, and my BF better get it put together before I walk in the door or "off with his head"!

MAY 7,2005 YES 7 MONTHS LATER! wow where do I start. From scratch is where.I had a really bad winter. My business gets slower in the winter and the bills get faster. I couldnt keep up. I thought I would lose my shop, but instead I had to among other things cancell my insurance.(b4 they cancelled me.)I called the surgeon and told them. And quickly feel into a deep depression I couldnt shake.I thought I would die.I started smoking again. I havent been eating out of depression but none the less not really watching anything since it was hopeless.
   Long story short, I have recommited myself and I'm ready. I am looking to get insurance again, hopefully w/ cdphp again.I need to lose some weight and get active again. I went on Lexapro and wow what a difference. I has helped me get centered enough to stay on track with out over-reacting to difficult situations. I have gained  alot more weight I am up to 303. I have never broken the 300 mark b4 and man it sure feels shitty.
I have to win here. Im goint to an OA meeting this afternoon and I hope having some knowlegeable support will help. I miss the board here. I just couldnt bring myself to even visit. I was sad , hurt and even jeleous of the people here that had hope. Now I can rejoin and pray for better.

July 4,2005
   Ok . I officially quit smoking yesterday. I have been smoke free for over 24hours. I am going through pretty tough withdrawls, but I'm pulling through. I really understand how dangerous smoking can be in respect to anesthesia. So I am looking forwar dto a better feeling when I breath and a healthier life.
  I can't stop day-dreaming about losing weight. What I will wear and what I will do and where I will go and who I will see. It really shows me thatr I have had my life on hold for many years now.
   I have another consult with the surgeon  tomorrow. I am excited and hopeful. But I have backslide and I know things may not go as I wish. I hope He will give me a date and I will get any   paperwork done by the time we have schedualed.I just hope I have enough of my ducks in a row for him.

I wiehg 291 todayThat is 12lbs  from my highest. I just realized this so I am a little more inspired.

7-5-05  I had my 2nd consult today. Not what I wanted but not a total disapointment.
  I was advised I still need to see a nutritional MD and get an updated psyc. eval. have my notes transfered from the hemotology office and continue to be smoke free. The plan: call everyone tomrrow and make appointments and call Dr.Singh's office and get a new consult date.LES GIT IT AHWN!!!!
293.4 according to Dr. scale.
 

7/6/05  I have been thinking I need a way to save all the  great info I get on the Main board that will be relavent later that I fear I will forget. so I will try to save it here:
 7/7/05 Put my blended meals (soft stage) in 2.5oz baby food jars to keep from overdoing it. Will be a good visual. 

7/14/05  Just wanted to update. I have been really good about exercise. My Honey and I go on the bike paths with the dogs. The way the pull makes it weight training as well as cardio. We walk at a good pace any where from 1-5 miles. I work upn a good sweat and heart rate.
   I am STILL SMOKE FREE!!!! since 7/5/05. The cravings have all but gone away. Although I know from experience they can hit me again around 1-2 months out. But I wont fold because I am so scared to smoke and then have surgery.
   I take my chewables daily, drink my atkins shakes, drink lots of water no caffeine no alcohol, but I still ahev trouble at night. God help me. I am so anxious. I hope this happens soon!!!

7/16/05 I had a BAD day yesterday. I am alway tired. I feel like total shit anymore. I cant think about much else other than getting this weight off. I want to try again, real hard today with the food.Atkins all the way. I bought some fiber pills so I hope this will help with the inevitable reason I usually go off the diet.(ssshhh constipation sshhh dont tell anyone) 

8/19/05 I cant stp crying. I fell soooo lost and desperate. I have been at this for over 2 years now. I lost my ins and then started from scratch again. The surgeon gave me a list to "get done" 1. pysch eval updated(cause it had been a while. 2. get him the hemetology notes cause the were never sent  and 3.see the nutritional MD's that work with him. The schedual to see him and we should be straight. oh and continue not smoking. Well I adopted the wls lifestyle: vit.s no smoking no alcohol no drugs no caffeine. I drink the right thins I exercise regularly, and I have begun working on my personal demons (which could lead to problems when food is no longer available)
  So I did as told , did it quickly and followed all the rules, but ..BUT.. I have gained 4 lbs. I cant smoke I cant drink I cant have any indulgeneces and this is really hard on someone whom has built a life on indulgences.I am a good girl all the live long day but when I get home from work I am famished and want to eat all I see and I overeat before I feel full. And I like my dinner. It is the usually the first peaceful, unrushed, enjoyable part of the day.
 So I went to the Nutri. MD today. great consult and bang, she says come back in 3 fuc&ing months! I immediately BURST into sobbing gut wrenching tears. She didnt get it. I tried to speak coherently, I believe she understood, I have been at this sooooooooooooooooooo long and now another door slammed in my face. I no longer get that hopeful anticipation when starting a new diet. I know the inevitable result and I am simply fed up. I cant stop crying.
  
06/15/06 went to Dr. Liriors seminar. Yes I am switching. wait n see
9/30/06  This has been the crazy ride. I had my consult with Dr.Lirio , July15th 06, yesterday I called his office to see if they have my paperwork done and they said it will go in the mail today, I said well I'm right around the corner, I'll come and get it and I have a date; DECEMBER 13th 2006 WOO HOO!!!
 I start the medifast liquid diet on tues oct 3rd

Now let me add my last really good big meal before starting medifast. I want to remember how much I can eat now, because I hope I won't be able to eat like this nor have the desire to after wls. So tonite I had for dinner;
1 1.5 lb lobster(and I ate every bit)
1/4 cup of fried bay scallops
5 fried shrimp
3 tablespoons of roumalude sauce
1 package McD's fries
1 huge coke
1 small salad
a bowl of mint ice cream

10/03/06  Today was the last hoorah. I ate some more crap, today. I picked up my medifast from Dr. Lirio's office this afternoon. I start it tomorrow morning. I am really looking forward to it. I am so tired of my terrible eating habbits and can't wait to lose some weight.
weighed in at the doctors office at 329lbs I can't belive it. I never thought I could even get to 300lbs. But I did so l am ready to change. Then the next day all time high 332! That's it!

10/14/06 Ten days on medifast and I have lost 14.4 lbs(from my highest of 332 and that is 11.6 lbs from my Dr.'s last weight on me of 329. It is certainly not easy but I am trying so hard. I have realized how consumed I am with food. I am  truly an addict. It has robbed me of the best years of my life.
   On 10/11 I saw the hematologist and he said from when they chacked me the last time he belived I did have a slightly raised predictor of a clotting fact and the would chack a few more predictors and thought I should probablyu go on a blood thinner right after surgery and stay on it for a bout a month
    on 10/12 I saw the endocrinologist. It appears from all the hair I grow(where I shouldn't) and the fact that I have lost my period is due to the fact that Ihave gained so much weight.He said My male hormones will probablly stabilize. a few months after sugery.
I have I full day of testing and  on 10/19 at the hospital and the wait out the month of November.