TattooGirl1982
Some new info
Jun 17, 2007
Over the weekend told my Aunts and Uncles that I have made my choice and that I am going to get the sleeve. They made some faces but I have their support lol. Which is really good news. As I have stated I am not telling anyone but a handful of people. But I found out that more people know then what I told. I'm not upset that they know cause of who they are but now I just wonder how many more people know. But its ok its my life and my choice and I'm doing this for me and my health so I don't care what other people will think and if they are gonna judge me....I mean people do that now. People are always gonna talk might as well give em something to talk about ;) I hope you all had a rockin weekend. Take care...
Well Today is my make or break day....
Jun 11, 2007
Pray for me, Cross your fingers, arms, toes, legs and eyes (ok maybe not your eyes I dont want you to run into anything ;) hehe) , rub your genie's belly lol
Today was a crappy day all I got was bad news!
Jun 07, 2007
Today wasn't a very good day at all. I got some very bad news. As you know I have been dealing with my accident and I haven't been able to work since then I have been fighting SSI and SSD since Jan 06 and still haven't got anything yet. Well today I had my meeting with welfare (I'm getting my Ins through them) and they stated that one of my doctors sent a page to them saying that I could work (and I cant Id love to be able to go back to work. I miss it so much) So now they stated that if I cant show them proof that the doctors stated that I cant work by June 30th, I will lose my insurance so that means no weight loss surgery. I've balled my eyes out all day. I called my doctors and I'm going to go to the one tomorrow and back to my rehab and have them fill out a statement. I don't know what I'm gonna do if I lose this....
I know that I cant pay to get the WLS on my own. The only reason I have made it this far with out working is because I was cheap butt and saved all my money lol and because I have/had great credit. Now I'm scared again. If I lose my ins I cant get any med's (just like before) and I cant do my rehab and worst of all no weight loss surgery. What are they thinking doing this? They know Im on meds and in rehab everyweek.
So I was on the phone all day with Doctors and Lawyers. Trying to fight to keep this ins. So my leg Doctor is at a clinic (my real leg doctor goes down there 1 time a month and trying to get to see him is like pulling teeth) and if you cant see your real doctor then you get to see a Rent-A-Doctor (at least that is what I call them they are Med Students/Interns) and everytime its someone new. So I called them and I was upset trying not bust out in tears while I was on the phone. She wrote everything down and is going to give it to them on Tuesday (that's the only day ortho is in the clinic). I am praying to god that my REAL doctor is gonna be there and he will sign it stating that I cant work as he has done before. I mean its not like I'm trying to work the system. I would saw off my right arm to go back to work. I went from 18 hour days to nothing and I miss it so much. I just cant work right now. When I was on the phone with my lawyer they stated that they are turning me down because of how young I am and that I could work from a desk. Well that's the problem I cant do that either cause after 20 minutes if that my leg balloons out so huge them I'm in a lot pain from the RSD.
I thought for once just for once in my life things was gonna go in my favor. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm tired... I'm just tired dealing with everything I cant take no more.
This is another I thought I would share.
Jun 05, 2007
You know you've had a weight loss surgery when.....
*I have a date" does not mean your going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a month.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Just water for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you "bitch" behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone over weight and hand them your surgeons card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water.
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say "WOW, your mom is hot!"
* When you got to the mall a take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them
I thought this was funny but very true! :)
Jun 05, 2007
- To feel good about ourselves.
- To have GREAT sex! :)
- So we won't think people are laughing or talking about us.
- To buy clothes in a normal store and actually get clothes with some style to them that fit correctly.
- To have more energy!
- To be able to tie your shoes/paint toenails.
- To be able to sit on a floor and get up gracefully.
- To wear a bathing suit.
- To cross your legs or sit Indian style.
- To fit into an airline/theatre/bus/whatever seat without spilling over and without having to see "that look" from the person who has to sit beside you.
- So our ankles won't swell.
- To fit into a booth at any restaurant.
- To not need an extension to a seat belt on an airplane and to have the tray table not balance on our bellies.
- To not worry about being decapitated in our cars with our seat belts on if we should be in an accident.
- To not turn beet red after moderate exertion.
- To be able to pick something up off the floor.
- Panty Hose that fit!
- To go to an amusement park and ride the rides.
- To be able to sit in any chair without worry of breakage.
- To not have to apologize when caught in a narrow aisle and have someone need to get by.
- To go dancing, sky diving, bungee jumping....
- To be able to go horseback riding or ride a bike.
- To not worry about rashes and sweating.
- To not have to listen to "caring" people ask why you don't diet or worse still... "gee youhave such a pretty face".
- To not worry about spilling food, sauces or gravy down the front of your blouse/dress/shirt when eating.
- To not have to think up some excuse for not doing something because you know your weight will impede you.
- To not have your belly hit the steering wheel and to be able to fit comfortably in the driver's seat.
- To have a bra fit comfortably and to be able to buy underwear at Victoria's Secret rather than at "Tubby the Underwear Guy".
- To not have to worry about the weight limit of step stools, ladders, motorcycle, exercise equipment, etc.
- To not get stuck in a turn style.
- To not wake up feeling achy in the back...or to have ache free legs and feet.
- So the bathroom scale won't creak and groan when you step on it.
- To be able to leave the tablecloth on the table at a restaurant instead of dragging it with you when you get up.
- So you won't look the other way when you see yourself in a monitor where they have security cameras.
- To never be embarrassed about your size.
- To not count tying shoes as daily exercise.
- To not have to wait for the handicap stall when there are plenty of other stalls available.
- To not be more out of shape than seniors.
- To not break toilet seat when leaning to one side.
- To be able to put on wedding rings again.
- To try to make a double chin and fail!
- Buy clothing bargains to fit the next year ... and they do!
- Not to have to worry about plastic zippers or having your pants bust open.
- Normal waistbands rather than elastic!
- To wear knee socks correctly instead of worn like slouches!
- To look good in a tee shirt!
- To try on slacks or jeans and have the pant leg actually fit over leg!
- To be able to get close to sink and not come away with a wet belly!
- To get out of a stuffed chair GRACEFULLY and not look down to see if the chair has come up with you!
- To not worry if the hairdresser's smock will fit!
- To not be self-conscious about eating in front of others!
- To not be afraid to ask which hairstyle suits your face.
- To not have people checking you out after looking in your grocery cart.
- To not feel (and look) like a sausage in stirrup pants.
- To have your friends NOT be embarrassed to be seen with you.
- To get promotions/hired or close that sale.
- Pants that stay up because your waist is smaller than your butt!
- No more boobs! (this is for the guys!)
- Wearing shorts or tank tops without fear of arrest or grossing out others!
- To not have the fear of being rejected.
- To successfully flirt!
- To not worry about how to get in and out of the back seat in a two door car!
- One size fits all and it fits you!
- To have a lap.
- To not have the car you are ride in slant in your direction.
- To be able to use toilet paper as it was meant to be used and not to have to invent ways to "get the job done".
- To not have to watch TV news reports on fat people in hopes that you haven't been caught on camera!
- To be able to get between cars in a parking lot without wiping the dust off with your belly and your butt.
- No more heat rashes and chafing in the upper thighs.
- So that the cloth in the thigh area doesn't wear away long before the rest of the slacks do!
- To meet a friend online and not be horrified to have to send a picture of yourself.
- To not take fat references and fat jokes personally.
- To know you can go anywhere because wherever you sit you CAN be comfortable and look at ease.
- To shop at the mall and not have your back ache from lugging your huge butt and stomach around!
- To be able to stand still, carrying nothing and still look poised.
- To be able to cross your arms across your chest without them resting on your stomach!
- To have your feet get smaller.
- Using your mouth to taste and chew food rather than as just a route to get the food from your lips to your stomach.
- Blood pressure returns to normal.
- To avoid other health complications from being overweight.
- To be able to borrow a co-worker's jacket for an important meeting.
- To meet someone for the first time and their eyes don't pop out of their head with amazement...because they never knew you're fat!
- To see your reflection in a mirror or store window without turning away!
- To wear a watch with a regular length watch band.
- To look in the mirror when getting your hair cut without thinking you have the biggest face in the world.
- To not mind getting your picture taken.
- To not avoid going to the doctor because you have to get "weighed" in.
- To wake up each morning feeling energized and ready to go.
- To not even worry about squeezing into small spaces.
- To not have to enter an elevator and check the weight limit.
- To look in your closet and have problems deciding which stylish outfit to work since you have so many that look good and fit well.
- To not have to lie perfectly still in bed at night for fear of breaking the bed!
- To buy tie shoes instead of slip ons!
- To be able to walk any distance without looking for a bench to sit on.
- To look forward to shopping and just trying on clothes!
- To be able to drive by any fast food place without salivating!
- To be able to shop at the same store for food instead of having to remember where you shopped last night for the junk food so you can avoid that store for a few days!
- To not feel lower than low when an innocent child remarks about your size!
- To not constantly be thinking of where your next morsel of food is coming from.
- And the 100th reason to lose 100 pounds.....
I'M WORTH IT!!!!!!
I saw Dr. Schumacher June 1st, 2007
Jun 05, 2007
(THIS POST IF FROM MY REAL BLOG I JUST COPIED IT AND POSTED IT ON HERE TO BRING PEOPLE UP TO SPEED ABOUT ME AND MY STORY, I WROTE THIS BLOG 6/1/07)
So on June 1st, 2007 I went to see my new Doctor David L. Schumacher MD FACS. I wont lie I was VERY nervous about seeing him today. But his office was very nice. They made me feel as though I have known them for years. They also have a large board with before and after pictures that you can see. Which was really nice. I liked that part alot!
When I 1st walked in there I was looking at his nurses and most of them weighed maybe 120 all of them very pretty (nothing against skinny people don't take offence) so I was a lil taken back and I was worried as to what they was thinking? Would they understand the things I go through? But they was the nicest people I have ever met. All of his staff was great A+
I got to talk to Dr. Schumacher PA 1st Jerod. He was very nice he sat me down and we talked about things he spent about one hour with me (Dr. Schumacher was called out due to an emergency) But his PA stayed with me until Dr. Schumacher got back and as soon as he got there he came in and said how sorry he was that I had to wait. He spent about another hour with me and went over everything with me also he answered all my questions and told me that if I had any question to call him at any point and he would be glad to sit down with again and talk about it. I really liked him he was straight forward about things. He told you like it was but in a very nice way he didn't make me feel bad, he didn't make me feel ashamed of being over weight. He asked a lot of questions and I liked that most he seemed to be interested in me. He didn't look at me like I was just a pile of money that he was gonna get.
I went in with my mind set knowing that I was gonna get the lap band. I think that health risk wise its a better choice. I will not get the Gastric Bypass for NO reason. I don't think its safe. I had one of my clients have that done and he went from about 500 lbs to around 220 lbs he was 19 at the time but now he looks like he is 50 he has no color and just looks bad. If I didn't already know he had the bypass done I would want him to get some test ran because I would think with the signs he is showing that he has cancer. I don't want that it just bothers me.
Dr. Schumacher stated that he does not think that the lap band will give me the out come I am looking for he is wanting me to have the Gastric Bypass Sleeve done. I'm not sure about this either I need to take sometime and look up the info. He gave me a lot of information about it.
I want the lap band I think that its more safe then the other surgery's but as I found out today when I went to see my doctor he doesn't want me to get the lap band or at least not at this point in time. But that it is my choice but he thinks that I should get the Gastric Bypass Sleeve. When he 1st started talking this my heart sank I was like noooo I don't want to hear about this at all. I want the lap band and that's that. But now I am really leaning towards the Sleeve after talking with him. I'm really scared of this though I wasn't scared about the lap band. But this is a lot more and that's scares me cause I don't know anyone that has had it and I had NEVER heard of it till today and I'm kinda shocked too because the last 5 months that all I have been doing researching and I mean a lot hours everyday talking with people and I just don't know about this sleeve. The sleeve scares me only because its "like" the Gastric Bypass (but this does look to be safer since your not messing around with your bowels) and I have known people that have died from Gastric Bypass. I don't wanna die but if I stay this way Imma die for sure. So I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. What worries me the most is the fact that they take out almost3/4 of your stomach I mean its gone there is no going back at all. Once its done its done. I have been on the pc doing my own research all night long clear up in tell 7 am this morning and I started at like 8pm (I did take a few breaks tho lol). Dr. Schumacher was really good about telling me all about it and answering my questions. He stated that after I lose like 150+ that then I could do the lap band and that it would work alot better that way. So I'm going to do that I think I don't know its not like I have make a choice right now. One minute I'm saying yes to the sleeve and the next I'm freaking out.
I don't want to make the wrong choice I ALWAYS go with what my gut tells me it has never been wrong before and has saved me a lot of heartache on other things and this time its telling me dont do the sleeve. I don't know if I'm feeling that way because I had my heart set on the Lap Band, or the fact that this is new to me and I don't have all the info or if its because I know that I should get the sleeve done. I'm soo freakin confused right now its not even funny. I'm lucky to know which way is up at this point in time. I'm going to get on OH and Lapbandtalk.com and post something on there and see what they say. I don't want them to make the choice for me but I would like some advice from someone that has the operation (any kind of WLS). I would love to find someone that has had this sleeve. But as of right now Im not finding anyone and no one has heard of it....
ONE BIG PLUS TO DR. SCHUMACHER is that he is going all over the states teaching other doctors about this surgery and is writing a medical book about it through the medical board. They have asked him to. As of right now there is about 20 doctors WORLD WIDE that is doing this operation. So this makes me feel more comfortable with him doing this kind of operation since he has all this knowledge.
About his after care. He stated that if I have this operation. He will see me 1 week after the surgery (but he will see me the 2 maybe 3 days that I'm in the hospital so really its 4 to 5 days after). Then after that he will see me 3 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year for follow up care. He stated that if I feel like I need to be seen before then, Then all I need to do is call his office and they can get me in. The hospital that he does the surgery in is right next door to his office so he can be there in a moments notice.
He also told me that I am going to have a lot of extra skin. Which I already knew that part. I asked him if they had someone to recommend about plastic surgery after I'm done losing the weight in like two year of so after. He stated that he does that also so I can come back to him. He also stated that I have a very good frame. That after I lose the weight and extra skin that I will look very nice because of the way my frame is. I always knew that I have a off frame I don't know to describe it but I haven't got brave enough to post skin picks on the Internet that's a big no no for right now lol.
One thing is he was telling me about a client (no names or personal info and the guy signed the release for him to be able to talk about his success) He was there at the same time I was. He had the sleeve done almost two years ago when he started out he weighed 777lbs and now is down to 430 (ish) Which is still super morbid obese but I mean he is doing great! That's a lot of weight. He looks good!! So that kinda makes me feel better about it also. When I saw him I wouldn't have guessed that he weighed that much though, but he is very tall but he was a hottie lol.
UPDATE ITS LONG BUT PLEASE READ
Nov 29, 1999
I went in on the 8th of November to have my IVC filter removed and that was a dud, I went through all that and they wasn't able to get it out. I was a little upset over the fact when I woke up, they said they couldn't get it. I guess cause I went through all that pain again for nothing but its ok one day it might save my life.
I am still unable to take my vitamins, or my pills I talked with my doctor and he said that since I had the sleeve done he didn't care if I took my vitamins or not because with the sleeve I wont get a vitamin deficiency. I go tomorrow morning to get my levels checked again at my family doctors office, so we will see on Thursday how they are doing and go from there. I'm trying my very best to get in my protein in but its so hard, same with my water although I am getting a lot better.
I'm starting to lose some hair, I think...... I don't know if it has to do with not getting my protein or the fact that its getting winter, and a lot of people tend to lose hair during this time of the year. I am so scared of that. My Hair has always been the one thing I have going for me.
I've already went to my 1 month check up, its now been about 7 weeks since my surgery and I have lost..... are you ready...... 45lbs!!!!!!!! I'm starting to "see" a difference in me, instead of ''feeling'' my pants fall off my butt hahaha. I haven't did any new measurements yet but I'm dying to but I told my self only at the 50 marks and its coming up soon! So since May of 2007, I have lost 81lbs :) (45lbs w/the sleeve). I have not bought any new clothes but I did buy a new jacket (Michigan of course) because the one I had was really starting to look huge on me and the good thing about the new one is....its 3 sizes smaller! I almost cried lol. Then today while I was driving to my shrinks office, I looked down and... well I did cry because I had a gap between me and my wheel. I never did before, and this was a large gap. It was silly for me to be crying over this but, damn it felt good!
Ya wanna know something funny, When I lose 24lbs, I will weigh the same as I did when I was 16. I know this because that's the weight that's on my drivers licence and its something I haven't changed in almost 10 years. I said now way in heck will I let the DMV know that number has changed. How sad is that...its take me almost 10 years to get back down to that size. But ya know I cant wait for that day lol.
I'm still having problems with keeping my food down after I eat. I'm eating normal foods now and I have been since my 2nd week. I know its not because I'm eating to fast, taking to big of bites, or not chewing enough because trust me I take my time at each meal almost 40minutes each time. Since I was told I was allowed to eat cheese oh boy I have been living on it because it makes me feel full and I don't get sick after it. But I know that's not good either I need more then just that. So right now I have been sticking to what I know wont make me sick because when I try something new for the 1st time its fine, but if I try it the next day I get sick... I've talked with the doctor and he said it will take time and just test things.
As you read before about the shrink statement. Yes, I got myself in to some counseling this is my 2nd week. I am driving my self crazy over the food issue. I know I'm not eating like I use to NO where near that but, I have drove my self into thinking that I am eating to much food and I'm gonna screw this up and let my self down. I know its more of a mental thing... but still, I cant stop it. Its like I'm starving myself. The other day I had a Dannon Light and fit (60cal) for breakfast and I think its like 5oz and I ate the whole thing? I heard some where that we should only be able to hold 2oz at a time. When I ate this, I didn't over eat ya know, I didn't have that full feeling until my last bite and I felt full, I didn't get sick I was satisfied. So after I ate this I felt like I over did it and I'm gonna stretch out my stomach. I had a lot of guilt from eating a silly little yogurt and I mean A LOT like I would eat the rest of the day because of it that's how horrible I felt. I've got my self to the point on Tuesday I didn't even get to 300 calories because I thought I already ate to much food for that day. I'm going from one extreme to eating WAY to much and not caring about it to now I'm eating A LOT less and over killing it with the watching. I am being so hard on myself about this. I know its a mental thing but how do I stop it?
I am also talking to him about my addictions. Since I no longer have the food as my comfort, I feel my self searching for something new to grasp at. Its scaring me because I know I have a addictive personality with food, being in control, smoking I've already shown that I do. I have been shopping A LOT and I don't mean spending like 20.00 here and there. I mean a lot of money. I get that rush, its such a high and I know its wrong and something I cant be doing yet I cant "control" it and that's just not like me at all. But when I am spending the money I fell that same feeling I did with the food. I cant describe what kind of rush I get, I start to getting happy and I feel free... Then after I buy it I feel so bad, and I get depressed and mad at myself for doing something that stupid. It keeps me awake at night because of the guilt and NONE of this started till I lost my ol faithful...my food.
All I know is that I need to get my inner demons in check and get them in check now! After reading that it sounds like I'm doing a lot of Bit*hing but I'm not. I am so happy I did this and I would in a heart beat its been the best thing I have ever done.
UPDATE ITS LONG BUT PLEASE READ
I went in on the 8th of November to have my IVC filter removed and that was a dud, I went through all that and they wasn't able to get it out. I was a little upset over the fact when I woke up, they said they couldn't get it. I guess cause I went through all that pain again for nothing but its ok one day it might save my life.
I am still unable to take my vitamins, or my pills
I talked with my doctor and he said that since I had the sleeve done he didn't care if I took my vitamins or not because with the sleeve I wont get a vitamin deficiency. I go tomorrow morning to get my levels checked again at my family doctors office, so we will see on Thursday how they are doing and go from there. I'm trying my very best to get in my protein in but its so hard, same with my water although I am getting a lot better.I'm starting to lose some hair
, I think...... I don't know if it has to do with not getting my protein or the fact that its getting winter, and a lot of people tend to lose hair during this time of the year. I am so scared of that. My Hair has always been the one thing I have going for me.I've already went to my 1 month check up, its now been about 7 weeks since my surgery and I have lost..... are you ready...... 45lbs!!!!!!!!
I'm starting to "see" a difference in me, instead of ''feeling'' my pants fall off my butt hahaha. I haven't did any new measurements yet but I'm dying to but I told my self only at the 50 marks and its coming up soon! So since May of 2007, I have lost 81lbs :) (45lbs w/the sleeve). I have not bought any new clothes but I did buy a new jacket (
Michigan of course) because the one I had was really starting to look huge on me and the good thing about the new one is....its 3 sizes smaller! 
I almost cried lol. Then today while I was driving to my shrinks office, I looked down and... well I did cry because I had a gap between me and my wheel. I never did before, and this was a large gap. It was silly for me to be crying over this but, damn it felt good! 
Ya wanna know something funny, When I lose 24lbs, I will weigh the same as I did when I was 16. I know this because that's the weight that's on my drivers licence and its something I haven't changed in almost 10 years. I said now way in heck will I let the DMV know that number has changed. How sad is that...its take me almost 10 years to get back down to that size. But ya know I cant wait for that day lol.
I'm still having problems with keeping my food down after I eat. I'm eating normal foods now and I have been since my 2nd week. I know its not because I'm eating to fast, taking to big of bites, or not chewing enough because trust me I take my time at each meal almost 40minutes each time. Since I was told I was allowed to eat cheese oh boy I have been living on it because it makes me feel full and I don't get sick after it. But I know that's not good either I need more then just that. So right now I have been sticking to what I know wont make me sick because when I try something new for the 1st time its fine, but if I try it the next day I get sick... I've talked with the doctor and he said it will take time and just test things.
As you read before about the shrink
statement. Yes, I got myself in to some counseling this is my 2nd week. I am driving my self crazy over the food issue. I know I'm not eating like I use to NO where near that but, I have drove my self into thinking that I am eating to much food and I'm gonna screw this up and let my self down. I know its more of a mental thing... but still, I cant stop it. Its like I'm starving myself. The other day I had a Dannon Light and fit (60cal) for breakfast and I think its like 5oz and I ate the whole thing? I heard some where that we should only be able to hold 2oz at a time. When I ate this, I didn't over eat ya know, I didn't have that full feeling until my last bite and I felt full, I didn't get sick I was satisfied. So after I ate this I felt like I over did it and I'm gonna stretch out my stomach. I had a lot of guilt from eating a silly little yogurt and I mean A LOT like I would eat the rest of the day because of it that's how horrible I felt. I've got my self to the point on Tuesday I didn't even get to 300 calories because I thought I already ate to much food for that day. I'm going from one extreme to eating WAY to much and not caring about it to now I'm eating A LOT less and over killing it with the watching. I am being so hard on myself about this. I know its a mental thing but how do I stop it?I am also talking to him about my addictions. Since I no longer have the food as my comfort, I feel my self searching for something new to grasp at. Its scaring me because I know I have a addictive personality with food, being in control, smoking I've already shown that I do. I have been shopping A LOT and I don't mean spending like 20.00 here and there. I mean a lot of money. I get that rush, its such a high and I know its wrong and something I cant be doing yet I cant "control" it and that's just not like me at all. But when I am spending the money I fell that same feeling I did with the food. I cant describe what kind of rush I get, I start to getting happy and I feel free... Then after I buy it I feel so bad, and I get depressed and mad at myself for doing something that stupid. It keeps me awake at night because of the guilt and NONE of this started till I lost my ol faithful...my food.
All I know is that I need to get my inner demons in check and get them in check now! After reading that it sounds like I'm doing a lot of Bit*hing but I'm not. I am so happy I did this and I would in a heart beat its been the best thing I have ever done.
