Miss Redd
Who is driving this thing??
Jan 23, 2010
It’s time to write again!
Here I am-still in England and it’s now been a WHOLE year! I cannot believe it. It’s so funny, how I see my surroundings now is not in the least as they seemed to me a year ago. It’s funny how “change your mind-change the world” is SO true!!
Since we have all just come out of the holiday season-I have been thinking LOTS about eating and regain issues. I see this is a common topic on the main board-which will also mean it’s a common topic for MOST WLS folks at some point in their post-op lives.
My weight has stabilized by now and I go up and down within the same 5-10 lb zone I have kept for most of my post op time. I notice that when my weight nears the higher end of my “zone” that I go through LOTS of emotional turmoil. I wanted to write about this and talk a bit about it-because I suspect I am NOT alone in these feelings! LOL!
One morning as I got out of bed and stepped on the scale during my usual morning routine-I saw that higher range again. I had that HORRIBLE sinking, panic feeling hit me all at once. I know that feeling and it is one that always gets my attention. It was a feeling of hopeless powerlessness.
As I headed downstairs after getting dressed-I noticed myself sort of skipping down the stairs. It’s something I have just come to do over time-after losing so much weight. I sort of “bop” down the stairs..or skip. I know exactly why that is, too. I will tell you. Come closer..no..a little closer. I skip down the stairs BECAUSE I CAN!!! LOL!
So that skip got me to thinking. That is one of MY characteristics. It’s my “way” to skip down the stairs. The other thing I thought about-is that it was also my “way” to lose well over 200 lbs. Yes-I had the surgery-but we ALL know the surgery alone will not bring success.
So-I sat down at the table and thought a bit. I had really been letting myself because incredibly frightened of the range on the scale. And it came to me-that is ME on the scale!! Hello!? WHY would I be afraid of the numbers? It’s ME who is taking care of me right? It was the VERY same me that knocked off all of that previous weight. WHY am I scared of a normal bounce?
All of this started to come together for me. I was really acting like I was SOMEONE else. I was reacting to the numbers on the scale as if it was NOT going to be up to ME where they go-up or down-or maintained. Hmm-well that just isn’t sane or logical. Of course-that leads me to the other part of those of us who have lived as “The Super Morbidly Obese” we have felt all kinds of crazy and out of control in our lives-haven’t we? However-it was this surgery that taught me that I DO Have it in me to handle this stuff! Yeah-it’s already IN THERE.
It’s not complicated. If I sit down and plan my food out-if I do NOT constantly exceed my caloric needs and IF I do my basic exercise..and IF I take care of my supplements-there is NOTHING to fear. Regardless of how the scale bounces around in a month’s time-I am going to be FINE. I am driving this car now. MY car..ME in the driver’s seat.
*Adjusts the mirror and applies some lip-gloss, puts on some cool shades, because I CAN* Yeah-everything is going to be just FINE!!
Hang in there-DO NOT FORGET how you got here. Share when you can-talk to folks about what is going on. LOG your food and do what you need to do.
Thanks as always for all your kindness and support. This is NOT a trip I could have EVER taken alone. I would never suggest it!! We need each other.
Peace,
T (Beep! beep! LOL!)
