TiffLori86
My weight battle began when I was in third grade. I will never forget. It was 2 days before picture day and I was at a brand new school and wanted to have a great picture. But I was a size 13/14 in women's plus clothing. I could not find anything that third grader would want to wear nothing cute especially in the early 90's. We didn't have much money and I finally settled on a green sweater that was my Aunts who in my eyes was a big woman. The fact that I was able to wear her sweater horrified me and I cried day in and day out on those days surrounding picture day. The years following was an emotional, mental, and physical roller coaster of hating my size to loving my size, having zero self confidence to being on top of the world and back. I battled my weight staying very active in sports and marching band but never really dropped under a size 13/14 and never going over a size 18. When I graduated high school I finally embraced my "Thick girl" and "Big Girl" status on the outside priding myself in finding a unique sense of style for my size that people often complimented me on. However on the inside i still criticized myself and would stand in front of the mirror and point out every stretch mark and roll. I dabbled into the dieting games spending lots of money and time at being continuously unsuccessful at losing and keeping it off. I often had to try and diet behind closed doors as my family is a family full of proud, plus sized women who didn't understand why I didn't love who I was, but also were all not plus sized until after they had 2 or more children. After I graduated college and got out of a 5 year train wreck of a relationship and off a certain birth control I had gained just about 80lbs in a little under a year. I was horrified at myself I could barely walk, I could stand for long periods of time, my blood pressure was through the roof all at the age of 22. My doctor and I had decided that we needed to start looking at some options because with diabetes all over my family and the condition of my joints and bones I was headed toward an unhealthy and difficult life. I had no children and was working like crazy and we tried the diets all over again. You name it, I tried it. And when my doctor proposed Weight loss surgery I was game finally my ticket to the life I have been fighting for we started pre-op work and then I was laid off along with hundreds of thousands of other people and devastated. I lost my insurance and my ticket. A year went by and my weight lingered 10 lbs up here 5 lbs down there but nothing drastic. About 1 year ago I knew I still had to do something my body was still in so much pain, my blood pressure was sky rocketing and I felt 50 in a 24 year old body. I was working 3 part time jobs and continuing school and didn't know how I was going to find the time to get it together. Then I found Zumba, I loved it !! It made me feel great and was my motivation to change. I started changing my mindset in regards to my health making decisions and being health conscious. In January of last year I finally found a full time job with health insurance. Still morbidly obese, and my body in pain I went back to my same doctor and we went back to the discussion about WLS but I no longer looked at it as my ticket. I looked at it as my tool. I had been learning and practicing how to eat I was motivated to exercise and knew that this tool would help me finally get to a healthy state. I was 25, with high blood pressure, joints on the verge of arthritis, and I dove head first into my pre-op work ready and excited to get off of the unhealthy path I was heading for that was destined toward diabetes and pain and emotional suffering. And here I am ready to embark on this journey I pray that I made the right decision but I am hopeful that even though it won't be easy I know that this will change my life and even add years to my life help me to get healthy so that I can prepare for my family one day.
